Where has the time gone?!

We've been in New York for 9 months? REALLY?

Where has the time gone?  Seriously.  It definitely doesn't feel like it's been that long.  Maybe 4 months at most.  But we've survived our first fall and winter in the North Country, H hit his one-year mark in the Army, and I've been teaching my preschoolers for eight months.  Okay, I guess it has been that long.  Wow that went by fast!

I know it seems crazy, but it feels like in the past 9 months there really haven't been that many interesting things going on to talk about.  To be honest, it's almost felt a little stagnant.  Not a bad stagnant, but definitely non-moving.  Like I'm treading water.

As much as I've loved teaching at the preschool, it's not where my heart truly is.  It's been almost 2 years since I've been in a high school classroom as a lead teacher, and I can feel myself losing a grip on the idea that I'll ever be back in one, especially here in New York.  Up here, it's almost a requirement to have your Master's degree to be a teacher, which has put a damper on my ability to get back into a classroom.  Thankfully, though, it looks like I'll be starting my Master's degree (back at good old BGSU!) program in August which will definitely help with the treading water feeling - almost like I'm finally starting to swim towards the far shore instead of just stay in place while I watch it like a dream.

I've also had to deal with homesickness more often than I anticipated.  It's not terrible, but it's enough that every couple months I just feel like I'm missing out on everything back home.  I've had to miss one very important wedding already this year, and there are at least 2 more that I can't attend.  As the weather gets warmer, I keep feeling like "oh this is a perfect day to go grill and hang out with Krista and Abbie"; but of course, they're 600+ miles away.  I'll find myself bored on a weeknight where H is in the field and all I want is to hang out with my sister and watch a movie.  It usually only lasts a few days, and I do have some good friends who are up here that have been wonderful, but nothing beats being back home with my family once in a while.

Okay, enough with the Debbie Downerness of this post.  While I've been dealing with the whole "treading water" and homesickness stuff, some amazing things have been happening!  Both of our close friend couples up here have had babies in the past couple months! It's so wonderful to watch our friends' families expand and grow, and it's been an encouragement for us to try to start our own family.  We are trusting God's hand in all of this and know that His timing is perfect timing, but we're hoping that sometime this summer we'll get some good news about our family doing some of it's own growing and expanding!

Sharlot and I on Valentine's Day - one of my best friends up here!

H passed the one-year mark for being in the Army back in March, and it's been a very interesting year for him.  The unit that he originally got placed in has deployed, although he did not go with them.  His particular company was kept behind on Rear Detachment (rear-d), and he's been temporarily moved from his original unit/company (an all-infantry unit) to a new unit/troop (a cavalry unit).  While at first he wasn't excited about moving around like this, it's actually been a HUGE blessing in disguise.  He's been able to move to a unit that is much better in terms of professionalism and training, and it's opened a lot of doors for him in terms of taking on leadership roles, going to training schools, and being taken seriously as a career soldier.  He'll have the opportunity to go to the Soldier of the Month Board in a few weeks, which means he can (hopefully!) rank up sooner than anticipated.  He's been able to prove himself a lot to his temporary commanding officers, even so much as to have them telling him that when his original unit returns from deployment, they want him to fill out paperwork to be permanently moved to their cavalry unit.  He's really excited about that prospect, because in the cavalry unit he's got the ability to actually progress his career and get to where he wants to be a lot sooner.  Praise God!

We also got to go to our first Military ball this spring, which was fantastic!  

At the ball in March 2013

I've been able to start advertising and selling my cupcakes to friends up here, which has been amazing.  It's like a pipe dream of mine is finally starting to come through, thanks to the support of H and his love of seeing my dreams come to fruition.  It hasn't been anything crazy and big, but it's been enough to make me feel like I'm more than just a girl baking in her kitchen for free.  (Yes, I'm about to shamelessly plug by business...but it's my blog, so I can do what I want! haha) Check out Lovebites Cupcakes :)

Riley kitten has grown a lot, and is officially the queen of our house.  She's been so wonderful to have in our family, and it seems strange to think about our family before she was in it. 

Baby Riley Kitten - not so little anymore!

Okay, so I guess more has happened over the past 9 months than I'd realized.  God has truly been blessing us up here.  We've found a great church family where H gets to usher occasionally and I help with Sunday School. It finally feels like H's career is on-track and he'll have the chance to see some of his dreams come true.  I'm able to attend grad school (finally!) and will hopefully be in my own classroom within the next year and a half.  We've made great friends, gotten ourselves established and settled in up here, and are starting to work on growing our family.  God's got His hand on us and we are truly blessed!

My goal is to actually update more than just every few months from now on.  I know I've said it before, but with all the amazing things that are coming our way soon, I want to keep things updated more often.  In theory, we'll use the blog to track the progress of trying to conceive and our pregnancy so there will be lots of updates from that! :)  Hooray for blessings and change!

-M

Back to "normal"

It's really strange to go back to "normal" now that H is gone.  It's like I feel like so much has changed because of H leaving that it seems weird to try and go back to normal--how can things be normal when the most "normal" part of my world and my routine is gone?  Side note:  H is probably the furthest from "normal" I've ever met, but our abnormalness together creates our own version of normalcy.  Yeah, we're strange like that...

Going back to work today was nice.  It got me out of the house for the day, which is good because it means I'm not sitting around stewing in my own thoughts.  It was also really great to get back because I missed my coworkers and my kiddos a lot.  You don't realize how much joy these kids bring you until you need some cheering up--a 3-year-olds hug never fails to put a smile on my face!  But it was so strange to go back to work and go back to my normal routine when I still feel like everything has changed.

In reality, life is pretty much the same, minus the fact that my other half is a 16-hour drive away getting yelled at by drill sergeants.  Work is still work, my daily routine is still pretty much the same (minus seeing H, adding the gym), and my attitude about life in general hasn't changed (although  my faith and relationship with God is becoming stronger, which generally makes life a little better).  But some part of me feels strange trying to go back to normal without him here....

Weird.
xoxo, M

Updates and Eye Twitches

Wow.  It's been over a month since I've blogged.  I feel almost as bad as I do when I go too long without going to the gym!  Funny how something silly and little like blogging, that's only meant to be cathartic, can become such a powerful force in your life.

I'll be honest and admit why I haven't blogged recently.  It's because I've been avoiding my feelings.  I've always been a journaler.  Yes, I made that word up.  But it's true; infact, I still have the journal that I kept when I was in 5th grade.  I love to write and to get my feelings down on paper (or in this case, on a screen), because it helps me work through my thoughts.  Lately, though, all of my thoughts and feelings are surrounding the fact that H leaves for Basic Training in one month.

I don't want to think about it.  I don't want to deal with the fact that in one month I have to kiss my husband goodbye, hug him for the last time until July.  I don't want to accept that I won't be able to talk to him every day, to cuddle up with him when it's been a rough one.  I want to pretend that he'll still be here.  So rather than think/talk/write about it, I push it to the back of my mind.  Doing this has caused a semi-permanent eye twitch, but I'd much rather deal with that than the reality of my husband leaving right now.  So instead of blogging, I pretend it's not happening, which means right now I have very little to blog about.

Life in general is good.  God has blessed us with a lot so far this year, including a full-time job for me at the Montessori School, H hitting his goal weight for his contract, and getting to spend a lot of quality time with our friends and family before he leaves.  Financially, it's been a good year so far, too, with our big tax refund blessing on its way.  Our families are doing well, our friends are doing well, and we are doing well, so the only feelings that I've had to work through are the ones that I'm pretending aren't there.  I know it's coming to a breaking point with those, however, and I'm waiting for that moment when I can't hold it back any longer and everything comes out (like emotional vomit) onto this blog.  Although maybe that's a post I'll write in my paper journal (yes, I do still keep one of those, as well!) because I have a feeling it will be more personal than I choose to share here.  Of course, there will still be a blog update, just maybe not as graphic as the one in my paper journal.

I know that as things get closer to his leaving, and as things get busier around here with the end of the school year (gosh, it seems so early to think about that already!) and with getting ready to move back to my parents' house, the postings here will become more frequent.  Also, I'll be bringing back my crafting, too!  Right now, with working about 45 hours per week, it can sometimes be tough to fit in a really good project.  But once H leaves and I need things to occupy my time/mind, the projects will be making a spectacular comeback! :)

Bear with me.
It's about to get emotional around here...

xoxo, M

Happy Thanksgiving

I have so much to be thankful for this year, and while I know I should sit and look at all of wonderful things God has blessed me with every day, I admit that I pay more attention to it as Thanksgiving approaches.

Here's my 2011 list of what I'm thankful for:
-Of course, having a brand new husband and being able to spend the rest of my life with my best friend by my side
-A nephew who may not have been expected, but who is probably one of the most wonderful blessings for our family this year
-My family, who has been supremely supportive in during my not-so-amazing job at the beginning of this year, not to mention everything else they have done for/with me including giving us an amazing wedding and honeymoon
-A wonderful new family of in-laws who are so loving and who considered me part of the family a long time ago
-A job that gives me some semblance of hope in the educational system, in our future children, and in getting support from the parents of my students
-The new financial opportunities that have come my way through being an Avon representative
-Reconnecting with old friends and staying in touch no matter the distance between us
-My husband finally being able to sign his contract with the Army and having some idea of where our future in the Army is starting out

I think I'm going to make it a goal for 2012 to keep track of my daily blessings in my paper journal (Yes, I still have a paper journal on top of my blog!  In fact, I've kept a paper journal since roughly the 5th grade.  I'm a nerd.)  God has blessed me with so much, and I don't want to only remember those blessings one month/day a year.  Goal for next year (but really, starting tomorrow): be more grateful every day for what I've got.

I hope everyone has safe travels for Thanksgiving, and that you have a chance to remember what blessings have come your way this year.  Happy Thanksgiving!

And just for giggles, here's my Google hand turkey from the logo this week:

Have a happy and blessed Thanksgiving!

Little Reminders

Why is it that when the weather gets all mopey like this, it's almost like the universe decides it's the perfect time to dump every possible problem into your lap?  Not cool.

Or maybe it's just the weather making me feel like all these problems are so much bigger than they really are.

I have to say, it does feel like the world scooped up a bunch of problems and dropped them all into my lap at once.  I won't go into all of them, but it was a stressful couple days around here, let me tell you!  Yesterday, this was the verse that showed up in my daily email:  "Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything.  Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done" -Philippians 4:6

I love when God sends me little reminders :)  I've been doing a lot of praying about money/job stuff, but I forgot about the "don't worry" part.  I'm a worrier.  A grade-A first class worrier.  If it was an Olympic sport, I'd have the gold.  If I had a dollar for every time I worried...you get the idea.  But when we worry, we aren't really letting God do His thing; instead, we're second guessing (whether we mean to or not) His ability to provide and come through for us.  Yesterday, within just a few hours after reading this email and remembering that God has always and will always take care of us, things started to clear up---my 2 biggest worries were consoled and appear to be taken care of!  Can't stop being thankful for these blessings!

Today in my email, this was my message:  "Then, when you call, the Lord will answer.  'Yes, I am here' He will quickly reply" -Isaiah 58:9.   Thanks God :)

I have so many reasons to be thankful and blessed, even when it seems like everything is a mess and I have no idea how I'm going to make it through the week because of everything that's going on.  When I think about all the things that are coming in the next couple months, not to mention in the next year, I can't help but smile and realize just how blessed H and I really are.  I just have to remember to stay focused on those blessings and wonderful things to come, and remember that God is there, He's always there, and He's going to get me through the problems so I can truly enjoy the blessings!

Too blessed to be stressed!

Reasons to Celebrate

Even though the reality of H officially joining the Army hasn't fully set in yet, I wanted to show him how much I support him, so I made him a celebration dinner: honey-balsamic cedar plank salmon, roasted crab legs, broccoli, and Summer Shady. So yummy! You can get the recipe and read about it here, on my Paleo blog. It turned out quite yummy, and it's definitely a recipe I'll make again!

There are lots of big changes coming our way starting next year, and it's crazy to think about what the future holds for us, right now I'm trying to stay focused on the present.

I got hired at a local preschool and elementary school to work as an after school care worker and substitute teach for them occasionally. I'm excited to be working with kids in such an amazing, supportive school, even if it's not as an English teacher. I'll be making enough to pay the bills right now, too, which is important. I'm just really happy to be back in a school working with kids again! :) H is working on finding a job right now, too--still turning in applications and waiting to hear back, so say a prayer! Selling Avon is also going well. I love getting to meet new people, to share these great products with my friends and family, and to make a little extra money (which I usually end up spending on products for myself...but that's okay, because it's basically like getting make-up for free!)

Wedding things are going well. We had some beautiful engagement photos taken by a girl that I work with, and we used them to make up some engagement announcements. We'll mail those out as soon as the engagement is official (gosh, I feel like we have to do everything backwards because of the Army, but we're making it work for our situation so I guess that's what's important!) My mom is going to pick up my wedding dresses today (yes, more than one--long story short, I got a dress for the JOP wedding and the dress for the traditional ceremony for super cheap at David's Bridal so my mom was amazing enough to get them both! I cried lol)and I've got invitation samples on the way, which is making me super excited! Yes, the traditional ceremony with friends and family isn't until late next year (probably Christmas time), but just playing around with wedding ideas is making me really excited and is giving me something to do. We are going home late next month because I need to get my dresses fitted and so we can get our marriage license--November 11 is coming so soon! Less than 3 months away now, and I'm getting all giddy and excited! :)

I'm just so thankful for all the blessings, even when things get rough and aren't going totally how you'd planned. God is good.

If you can dodge a wrench...

Sometimes life can be so overwhelming. Just when you think everything is falling perfectly into place and working out, a wrench gets thrown in that makes everything come to a grinding halt. And then what?

Grad school: I was supposed to start my Masters classes at BGSU in less than a month. I'm only taking one class per semester because of the cost, and thankfully I'd received the TEACH Grant, which would pay for that one class each semester, plus books, plus parking, and give me a little bit extra to throw in the bank. Two days ago, I hop onto the financial aid site to see when my grant would be applied only to see that BG was going to give me one-quarter of the amount I was supposed to get. That means I'd have to come up with almost $1300 out of pocket to pay for the class, the books, and my parking pass...no bueno. When I call financial aid, there is basically nothing they will do for me, which in short means I have to withdraw from the university. No Masters degree for me...yet.

Army: H is having a harder time cutting weight to get his contract than he expected, which is pushing our plans further back. He took his ASVAB and got a very high score on it, which is great, but unless he cuts his body fat down to 22%, he can't get his specific contract; he'll have to go Ranger Airborne instead, and try for it later in his career. He's been working so hard, and he's already lost so much weight and body fat! He's at the leanest I've ever seen him (my future hubby is getting so sexy!) and he's so determined, but it's almost like he's stuck at 24%. He's giving himself 2 weeks (about 10 days left as I'm writing this) to make weight, or he's going with the Ranger Airborne contract--and thus deferring his dream contract.

Teaching: Week 3 of no English teacher jobs posted on the Ohio Department of Education's website for this area. It's so frustrating to know that I'm a dedicated, compassionate, creative teacher and I can't even show districts how amazing I would be because they don't have any positions to interview for, let alone hire me to fill. Lack of teaching jobs has forced me to start applying for random full-time and part-time jobs in the area--even food service. Yes, I'm that desperate. We have bills to pay, and at this point I'll do just about anything to pay them. Note: JUST ABOUT. Like Meatloaf, I would do anything...but I won't do that. So I'm unemployed, benefitless, and more than a little stressed about bills.

On the bright side, wedding things are going okay...well, as much as you can do when you're just having a JoP wedding before the Army consumers your life and family.

Even with all of these little wrenches thrown into our plans, I'm trying so hard to stay positive and trust that God isn't leaving us, He's certainly not forsaking us, and in the end His plan is bigger than any wrench that comes our way. Trust is so hard, though. It's like trying to see the road ahead when the fog is so thick you can't even see the lines in the road. You know there's something greater up ahead, and you know that if you keep moving you'll get there eventually, but it's so easy to lose sight of it when all you can focus on are the problems and barriers that are blocking your vision at that exact moment. I'm trying to believe past the fog right now, and wait patiently for God to clear the path, but faith is a funny thing. Just when you think you can't possibly have any more of it, God gives you another reason to trust Him and keep that faith strong.

Faithfully His...

Lazy Summer

I haven't sat down and written a blog in what seems like forever. I don't mean just a little update here or there, but actually written something of substance. Although, since I really only blog for my own catharsis, do I ever really write something of substance? Hm.

Summer has just slipped by. It's been amazing to be home every day, working out 4-5 times a week, focusing on not only getting healthy but watching the weight drop down (20 lbs down, 25 lbs to go! Read about it here) on the scale and keeping myself motivated. Being home this summer has also brought H and I a million times closer. It's like as we get closer and closer to getting married and him leaving for the Army, our love develops this deepness that I can't begin to explain. I'm sure this sound ridiculously corny and silly, but it's a love I've never felt before. And as this love develops and grows, any fear or worry I have about following him into the Army melts away. I have absolutely no doubts about our life together, following him through the Army, or what the separation and deployments will bring. None. And every day I get a little more excited for what's to come next!

We recently began focusing more on wedding stuff. Even though we aren't technically engaged yet (aka. there's no ring on my finger) we still want to get things planned and ready to go for engagement/wedding stuff. We got "engagement" pictures done by a good friend of mine, and she did an amazing job! We now have beautiful pictures of us (something that is hard to find, considering H feels the need to make ridiculous faces in EVERY picture ever taken of us) which we can use for our engagement/wedding plan announcements that we plan to send out after the official proposal. We've started talking about various wedding details, too, and a few weekends ago Mom and I went out and picked out my wedding dresses (Yes, plural. One very simple one for the justice of the peace ceremony, and one fancy-shmancy one for the traditional ceremony next year. I can't even go into how much I owe my mother for this, because it's above and beyond what I could have asked for!) I know that a majority of the planning for the traditional ceremony is going to take place while he's in training, so it's nice that we can discuss and plan things together now. Yes, I suppose this is putting the cart before the horse since technically we aren't officially engaged, but at this point we know we're getting married in a few months because of the Army.

On another note, I have spent the summer looking for a job. I feel like this is deja-vu to my posts about this time last year when I didn't have a job for that school year, either. Oy. Achieve had to cut my position due to budget, but told me to call back in August to see if they were able to bring my position back. Currently, there are ZERO English positions posted on any of the 3 websites I check for teaching jobs in the Northwest Ohio area. Heck, there aren't any English teacher positions posted for this half of the state! I got contacted by a district in Toledo about applying for a position, so I did and I guess now it's a wait and see game. Trying to remember to trust God in all of this, because He still has a plan for me. I'm collecting unemployment and trying to get a part-time job as well as subbing again, but I'm still praying for a teaching job to come through. Just trying to remember: a mustard seed of faith is all it takes. I think I need to get back into reading my Bible and having my one-on-one time with God more, to continue building on that mustard seed of faith...

So that's life.
It's been a lazy summer of working out, preparing for Army life, playing with fiddler crabs, toying around with wedding stuff, and falling in love all over again, but I love very minute of it.

Oh My, Oh May!

May is here! I love the month of May: it's my birthday, usually the weather becomes consistently nicer, Memorial Day weekend is usually a good time, and it means it's almost the end of the year! This year, there are a few added bonuses.

First, I turn 25 this year. I'm a quarter of a century old. Oddly, I like the feeling. This is the first year that I truly feel like an adult. I'm in my mid-twenties, I'm finishing up my first year in my career, and I'm getting married (well, okay, that's not till the end of the year technically). It's a good feeling, this whole stepping into adulthood and the big-kid phase of my life. But I feel like my 25th year is going to be a good one!

Memorial Day Weekend is going to be different for me this year. Normally, I go home to my parents' house for a cookout and bonfire and maybe some swimming, but this will be the first year I don't. H and I will be going that long weekend to go to Kalahari Resort in Sandusky. It's a huge indoor resort with a waterpark, spa, arcade, great restaurants, and African-themed rooms! It looks amazing, and we got a great deal--we've been saving since February for this, and I can't wait to go! It's going to be weird not going home, but it will be nice to have a little vacation somewhere fun, just us. We've never really done anything like this, and since he'll be in the Army next summer there's a 99.9% chance we won't get to do it next year, so we figure now's the time.

I get the "pleasure" of chaperoning prom this year, which is something new. It should be fun, and a great way to end out the year. The theme is "A Night in Paris" and we've ordered some really fun decorations. The kids are getting excited and already talking about their dresses and dates. The only reason I say "pleasure" like that is because when you're dealing with inner-city kids, most of your chaperoning at dances involves breaking up the overly-personal dancing these kids are doing. But it will be a fun end to the school year, and the kids are really excited so hopefully it will be fun.

And I'm sending up a million prayers that May will bring a second interview for a teaching job, or even a job offer!! I'm sending out applications weekly, jumping at every chance I find for an open position, and I'm waiting patiently to see what God sends my way for next year. Hopefully it involves advising a theater club or getting involved in another student organization. Whatever it is, I pray that it will be exactly what I need!

May is going to be a good month. As soon as all of this rain goes away...

Realizations of Me

For the past week I've been on spring break from work, and it has been delightful. Today is the first day that it hasn't rained, but I could totally handle the weather being crummy if it meant I didn't have to go to work for 9 days in a row. But being home all week has made me realize something: I like who I am when I'm not working there. I mean, technically I still work there. But having this whole week off without having to worry about what goes on at that school has given me a chance to get things done this week, reconnect with friends, and in general just be a happier person.

I don't think it's because I'm happier not working. In fact, I love being a teacher and being in the classroom. But I'm happy to be away from a stressful environment, even for this short time. It's also making me more excited for summer, which is only 6 more weeks away!

I know this is short, and it's just kind of a random blurb of an update, but it's been on my mind the past couple days and I wanted to get it in writing.

Hello, April!

Hello, beautiful April! Okay, so maybe it isn't beautiful yet. We're 4 days into April and it's been 3 days of cold and 1 day of rain. But I have faith that April will be a beautiful month.

I know it's been a month since I've posted--I can't believe how quickly March went by! It seemed like as soon as I got a minute to sit down and write, something else would come up and my minute would be gone. But I finally have a moment to breathe, and I feel like I need to write--even if it's just a short update on life.

March came and went quickly, especially with work (thank goodness!). We had a week of state testing, which meant no teaching for the week which was a nice little break. There were some rough patches at work, especially when a student stole my phone, but I'm going to stay positive and chalk it up to a learning experience. I saw a few weeks of sunshine and a week of actualy "warm" weather (okay, as warm as it gets in Ohio in March) which was such a pick-me-up for my mood. And I've been trying to focus more on better eating and working out--I even gave up pop and fast food for Lent. We started TurboFire for working out, too, which is a lot of fun but is making me very sore. Totally worth it, though, when I can fit into that size 8 wedding dress!

So what does April bring? First, April brings a visit from JP! He finally graduated Ranger School and is visiting this week. It's so great to have him around and actually be able to talk to him whenever I want. It also brings spring break, which is going to be a much-needed vacation. I'm going to visit my student teaching placement and see my kids there, hopefully going out to visit a few friends in the Sandusky-area, and of course going home for Easter to see the family. And (finally!) April means only 10 more weeks of school left! So beyond thankful to be almost completley done with my frist year of teaching. it's been quite and experience, but this summer is going to be such a wonderful (paid!) break.

So many blessings are headed our way this month, and I'm so thankful for what God continues to do in our lives. Bring it on, April!

SB5--Help or Hinderance?

The hot topic in Ohio today is the passing of Senate Bill 5 (SB5), which removes the rights for collective bargaining by public workers in the state.

As a Republican, I understand the need for budget cuts to help our deficit.
As a teacher, I am appalled that this passed, especially when the public consensus was against its passing.

In short, the bill revokes the right for teacher unions (as well as other unions in the state, including firefighters, police, and factory workers) to bargain for teachers on topics such as health care coverage, sick days, class size, and continuing contracts. These are things that the individual teachers must now negotiate on their own, which puts a huge amount of stress and time constraints on teachers. Also, it gives the school district the upper hand in the negotiations; the best way I have heard it explained is this:

"It's like asking your in-laws to decide on how the property in your divorce settlement should be divided. There's always going to be a bias there, and your lawyers aren't able to negotiate for your right to the property anymore."

Also, SB5 has taken away the right to strike, which means the teachers' union has lost its leverage when we are able to negotiate issues. So not only do the teachers have to fight for themselves and spend time that should be used for educational purposes (planning, grading, tutoring, etc.) after school and in their free time to do this fighting, but if the district ends up ignoring our needs and requests we can't even use a strike as leverage.

My students are my number one priority because, thankfully, I don't have to worry about the stress of a contract change, my health care coverage or insurance, how many sick days I'm allowed to take, or issues with class size being too out-of-control. Right now, that's because I'm at a charter school and these things are out of my control. But in a traditional public school setting, these are things you didn't have to worry about because the unions took care of these issues. They fought for you, took care of the paperwork and meetings, and ensured your rights were safe. With the passing of SB5, all of that stress is on the shoulders of the teachers, not the unions. This means if I have an upcoming meeting to negotiate my contract and I don't have the leverage or the support to make sure that my rights and needs are met, the stress of that is going to be weighing heavily on my mind; that stress could easily interfere with my ability to teach and focus on the materials and students. My students have now become my number 2 priority, which is in complete opposition to what teachers should be doing.

This also means that there's a chance that my health care and insurance coverage could change at the drop of a hat, that my contract could change in the middle of the year, that I have little say in class size (studies show that at the high school level, class ratios bigger than 23 students/1 teacher have a negative impact on student learning because less one-on-one attention and help can be given), and that if something does threaten to change or actually changes, there's not much I can do about it because striking is not an option.

And this is just the impact it has on teachers; there are police, figherfighters, autoworkers, and other people around this state that are just as greatly effected by this, if not more.

I'm so disappointed in our lawmakers who passed this bill. Based on the amount of people who protested this over the past 2-3 weeks, clearly the people of Ohio are not in favor of this bill. Where is the voice of the people? Why are we taking away the ability of the people to fight for their rights within the workplace?

In a Rut

I'm in a total rut. It's due to roughly 3 factors. In order to better understand what those factors are and how much of an impact they have, I've made the following pie chart. Do not be deceived...although pie usually makes people happy, this chart just makes me sad:

I have to get out of this rut. It's putting stress not just on me, but on H and our relationship in general. Who wants to be around the stressed out, unhappy girl? I don't blame him for feeling like this, but I refuse to let my stress that has nothing to do with our relationship cause stress for our relationship! So here's my "Get Out Of The Rut" Plan:

Step 1: Go to the gym every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday after work, no matter how tired or stressed I am. Even if it's just doing a few laps around the track and lifting the free weights, I'm going to the gym. It makes me feel better, it's good for me, and it's something fun that H and I can do together.

Step 2: Eat healthy again. You are what you eat. If I eat crap, I feel like crap. So no more crappy cafeteria lunches, no more fast food runs, and no more boxed mac n cheese, no matter how PMSie I feel.

Step 3: Get out of the house! I think sitting around the house is giving me cabin fever. I need to get out, even if it's just for walks around the block after dinner or going to the sorority house to visit friends for a little while. I can't be cooped up in here every day anymore--it's driving me crazy.

Step 4: Pray. We've gotten out of the habit of praying together before bed, and I think that it's reflecting in our relationship and in my mood. A lot of this stuff with work has caused me to question what exactly God's plan is and why He's put me here where I feel so abandoned, and admittedly I've stopped talking to God as much as I used to. I'm not losing my faith by any means, but I feel distant from Him and I don't like it. I want to put Him back at the center of my faith and my relationship with H again, where He belongs.

Plan starts immediately. I can't take one more minute of feeling like this. I'm tired of crying and wondering what's going on and why I feel this way. I'm tired of seeing H become stressed out because of my own mood and stress. And I refuse to let any more of this stress continue to keep H and I in a rut. So it starts now.

Nothing can steal my joy if I won't let it, and from now on I won't let it.

Updates and Giveaways

Well hello there. It's been a while since I've updated, simply because nothing that exciting has been going on around here. Last week, the "snowpocalypse" hit us, and I had snow days on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. It was so wonderful to sit around the apartment with H and having some free time to just relax and hangout together. I know that having 3 days off last week, then one day of work, and then 2 days off (for the weekend) is going to make having 5 consecutive days of teaching seem like forever! But I just keep telling myself that it's only a few months until summer and then I can enjoy vacation and starting grad school!

My application for grad school is all in, and now it's a waiting game. I don't know if the director of the special education graduate program will call me in for an interview or not, but I'm excited for hopefully being able to start the program this summer! Yay for new adventures.

Other than that, not much else is going on. Have to get my bumper fixed after getting in a fight with a mound of frozen snow/ice. Thank goodness for insurance! My sister and nephew are doing great. She's adjusting to being a new mom, and he's healthy and happy (and incredibly lovable and handsome!!). She's going back to school at the end of the month, but she's had a tutor coming to the house almost every day and she's doing better with school now than she was before she had Carter. Hopefully, the family will be coming up to visit the last weekend in February so I can see them all.

Oh! And if you're looking for some free stuff, go check out the giveaway my friend from high school is doing on her blog: Our Little LIfesicle
Kaleigh is a wonderful woman, wife, and mother, and while you're there reading and entering the giveaway, make sure to vote for her blog (click the brown banner at the bottom of any post and vote!)

Looking Back

I can definitely say that 2010 was a CRAZY year for me! I learned a lot, had some interesting experiences, made a lot of new friends, started a career, and fell in love all over again. Here are some things that I learned this year:

-Trust God no matter what. He knows what He's doing, and in the end He's going to make things work out for you.
-Be patient. Good things come to those who wait.
-Don't be afraid to tell someone how you feel, good or bad, because in the end you have to do what's best for you.
-Love freely. Love who you love, when you love them, for whatever reason you love them. And if you can't stop loving someone, trust that God's got a reason for that.
-Apply for a million jobs until you land the right one.
-Have faith.
-Hold tight to your family, through good and bad. A wise woman once said "We'll get through this. We're a family, and that's what families do."
-Look for the little joys. They are what make life worth living.
-Yell when you need to. Cry if you have to. But don't ever go to bed angry.
-Forgive. Simple to say, hard to do, but essential to getting through life.
-Listen to your instincts/heart/conscience. Chances are they probably know what's going on.
-Say "I'm sorry."
-Find something to be thankful for every single day, even if it's something trivial. You'll be more aware of your blessings if you do this.
-Reconnect with old friends. It's worth it.
-Don't let the little bothers bring you down. It's not worth it.

I love this verse, and I think it completely summarizes 2010 for me:
"When times are good, be happy;
but when times are bad, consider:
God has made the one as well as the other."
-Ecclesiastes 7:14-17


And now it's on to 2011! God's got BIG things in store for us, and I'm so excited to see what's going to happen.
Also, H and I have started a new blog for 2011. It's mostly me doing the updating, but it's to chronicle everything we have going on this coming year. This blog will obviously still be my priority; the other blog is a photo blog--1 picture a day for 365 days.

I pray that God blesses you and your family this coming year! See you in 2011!

Christmas

Well, Christmas was simply perfect this year. H came home and stayed at my parents' house and got to experience all of our Christmas traditions. We went to church Christmas Eve to hear Mindy and my mom sing in the choir, opened presents together Christmas morning, and spend a lot of quality family time together. Christmas day we went to H's mom's house to do presents with her and have dinner. It was a wonderful Christmas-- there was snow, traditions, and family time! My sister didn't go into labor like we'd hoped, but there's still time before New Years! All in all, probably one of the best Christmases I've had.

Got some pretty sweet stuff, too. Mom and Dad got us new knives, a hand mixer, and a rolling pin for our kitchen, among a bunch of other stuff. Mindy got H a wine kit and got me a bunch of cute decorative stuff for the apartment, H's mom got us some body products (Olay for me and Axe for him) and gift cards, and my best friend and her boyfriend got us amazing candles from Bath and Body Works for the apartment. Christmas is definitely not about the gifts for us, but I LOVE to see people's faces when they open the presents that I got them! :) It just makes me happy to see people enjoy what I get for them. Hahaha it's one of my favorite parts of Christmas get-togethers!

So now I get to enjoy having no work all week. Thank gosh, too, because I desperately needed a break. This year is so incredibly overwhelming with work and all the "experiences" I'm having there, and we're only halfway through with it. I thought I was desperate for summer vacation when I was a student, but being a teacher and craving summer vacation is way more intense!!! So tonight I'm enjoying staying up late on a Monday night since I don't have to be up tomorrow. I just have this horrible feeling that this week is going to go by way too fast, though.

Less than 100 teaching days left this year!

I'm Thankful For...

-An amazing family who is supportive and loving
-A future husband who loves me more than words can express
-A soon-to-be-born nephew/Godson who will grow up knowing how strong his mother is and how much he is loved
-A job (even if it's not perfect)
-A working car
-An apartment that is nice with cheap rent and free utilities/cable/internet

(I'll keep adding to the list as the week goes on)

Is this what being an adult is supposed to feel like?

I honestly feel like I'm living for the weekend/summer. Most days, I don't look forward to work. In fact, I feel like work is just a thorn in my life right now, which is something that I'm not used to. I've disliked jobs in the past, but I've never had a teaching job that makes me really feel this way. It's not because I hate teaching, it's because I'm discontent with the structure of the type of school I'm teaching at. It's not at all what I had dreamed of, and I feel like maybe the charter-school setting just isn't for me. I like the structure of a traditonal school setting: after school programs, sports, music and art programs, set discipline procedures, Friday night football games where I watch my students perform, and so much more. Trust me, this has absolutely nothing to do with my current students, the staff, the curriculum, or anything else--I just feel like maybe the charter-school setting isn't for me at this point in my life.

On the bright side, I'm learning a lot about teaching and curriculum, which are things that I will be able to take with me through the rest of my career. And while this isn't my ideal first-year teaching experience, it's definitely not the worst it could be. Just praying for God to keep leading me through this and keep me focused on the positive aspects of it all.

And thank goodness for my family and H, who absolutely support me through all of the hardships, even when all I want to do/can do is cry! Seriously don't think I could do this all without them!

So maybe this isn't exactly what being an adult is supposed to feel like... but maybe it's feeling like this and learning from it that is what being an adult is all about.

Quick Rambles

There are days when I am so thankful for my students and feel like maybe I'm making a difference. And then there are days like today, where I feel like I'm just a glorified babysitter to a bunch of teenagers who have no aspirations or determination. Feeling slightly let down by this, and wondering if I can change this. It's like what I say goes in one ear and immediately out the other...

On another note, I've decided I'm very excited for what 2011 is going to bring our way. I'll be finishing up my first year of teaching and enjoying my first summer off (and starting my 2nd year of teaching--yay me!), H will be graduating from BGSU, we'll be enjoying 2011 as our last Army-free year for who-knows-how-long, and we'll be getting engaged! Plus, depending on when H is set to leave for Basic Training, we might just be getting married in 2011, too! It's going to be a very exciting year for us, and I can't wait to see everything that God brings our way!!

Prayer works!

I have been incredibly overwhelmed due to teaching day school AND night school. Being at work from 7:15am to 6:30pm 5 days a week is so exhausting, both mentally and physically, especially with the group of kids I have at night school. It's like every kid with a behavior problem comes to night school and I spend most of my time "babysitting" instead of actually teaching. And after 5 days of that, I feel so mentally exhausted...actually, usually after 2 or 3 days of that, I feel mentally exhausted...

But it's come to a point where it was either figure out a different schedule for night school or I would have to stop teaching both day and night and just teach day school. The first year of teaching is so hard and overwhelming in the first place, but to add to it teaching for 11 hours a day and teaching kids who are so hard to teach in the first place, it was making me have breakdowns about once a week. I know my limitations, and I know that teaching day and night school 5 days a week was just too much.

I had been avoiding talking to my bosses about it, just out of fear of "rocking the boat" and the concern of losing my job if I did. But my bosses were amazing about it, and even came up with a great schedule for everyone in night school. We're switching over to block scheduling, so I'll actually only be teaching night school 2 nights a week. That means 3 nights a week (including Fridays) I get to come home at 4pm! I feel so thankful and so blessed that this all worked out, because I have been praying about for the past month--waiting for God to take care of me and help me get through this. And today He came through and provided for me (like He always does!) and I am beyond thankful. Feeling so blessed.

And now, on to my truths:
Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
I can honestly say there are a lot of people in my life that this has happened with. Nikie from high school is probably one of the biggest ones. We were inseparable my junior and senior years, and my freshman year of college, but then she moved to North Carolina and I got busy with college, and we just drifted. We still talk via Facebook once in a while, but it's not like we were before and I regret that. Also, the ladies that I lived with at my sorority house: Kimmie, Ellie, Jess, and Sarah. We were so incredibly close and after graduation we all went our separate ways. Jess got married, Sarah and I are teaching, Ellie is a nanny in central Ohio, and Kimmie moved back to Maryland; we don't keep in touch like I wish we would have. These girls were my best friends in college, and now I talk to them about once a month and see them a few times a year. It's sad, and I wish it was different.

Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
There is one person who I have spent the past year-and-a-half letting go of. We still talk once in a while, but not like we used to. She was a toxic personality who did nothing but bring me down and suck the joy out of me. I realized this sometime last spring and have distanced myself. I can't let other people bring me down, and I refuse to let someone else take my joy away. It's just better this way, as sad as it is, and I've felt myself change and become a much more pleasant person because of it.