Prayer works!

I have been incredibly overwhelmed due to teaching day school AND night school. Being at work from 7:15am to 6:30pm 5 days a week is so exhausting, both mentally and physically, especially with the group of kids I have at night school. It's like every kid with a behavior problem comes to night school and I spend most of my time "babysitting" instead of actually teaching. And after 5 days of that, I feel so mentally exhausted...actually, usually after 2 or 3 days of that, I feel mentally exhausted...

But it's come to a point where it was either figure out a different schedule for night school or I would have to stop teaching both day and night and just teach day school. The first year of teaching is so hard and overwhelming in the first place, but to add to it teaching for 11 hours a day and teaching kids who are so hard to teach in the first place, it was making me have breakdowns about once a week. I know my limitations, and I know that teaching day and night school 5 days a week was just too much.

I had been avoiding talking to my bosses about it, just out of fear of "rocking the boat" and the concern of losing my job if I did. But my bosses were amazing about it, and even came up with a great schedule for everyone in night school. We're switching over to block scheduling, so I'll actually only be teaching night school 2 nights a week. That means 3 nights a week (including Fridays) I get to come home at 4pm! I feel so thankful and so blessed that this all worked out, because I have been praying about for the past month--waiting for God to take care of me and help me get through this. And today He came through and provided for me (like He always does!) and I am beyond thankful. Feeling so blessed.

And now, on to my truths:
Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
I can honestly say there are a lot of people in my life that this has happened with. Nikie from high school is probably one of the biggest ones. We were inseparable my junior and senior years, and my freshman year of college, but then she moved to North Carolina and I got busy with college, and we just drifted. We still talk via Facebook once in a while, but it's not like we were before and I regret that. Also, the ladies that I lived with at my sorority house: Kimmie, Ellie, Jess, and Sarah. We were so incredibly close and after graduation we all went our separate ways. Jess got married, Sarah and I are teaching, Ellie is a nanny in central Ohio, and Kimmie moved back to Maryland; we don't keep in touch like I wish we would have. These girls were my best friends in college, and now I talk to them about once a month and see them a few times a year. It's sad, and I wish it was different.

Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
There is one person who I have spent the past year-and-a-half letting go of. We still talk once in a while, but not like we used to. She was a toxic personality who did nothing but bring me down and suck the joy out of me. I realized this sometime last spring and have distanced myself. I can't let other people bring me down, and I refuse to let someone else take my joy away. It's just better this way, as sad as it is, and I've felt myself change and become a much more pleasant person because of it.

Kiddies and Costumes

I'm having major baby-fever. Between my sister having a baby, and a lot of my friends and their husbands having babies, it's throwing my motherly-drive into high gear. And it's terrible, because H and I aren't financially ready to have a baby yet. We've talked about it, and we don't plan to start our family until we're married and he's got a steady income from the Army; it's just makes sense to do it that way. But every time I see a baby at the store, or look through a friend's baby photos on Facebook, or read a friend's baby blog, it makes me wish that we could start now. I'm 24 and in a stable job, I'm with the man I'm going to marry and we already know we want children together. I'm at a place in my life where I'm ready--but it's just going to have to hold off for a couple of years. I know that I'm born to be a mother; it's in my genes, and even H can see it. Which is probably why I've got major baby-fever right now. For now, I'll just have to suffice by babysitting my soon-to-be-born nephew! Can't wait to be an aunt!

Halloween for us was a lot of fun! Friday night, H and I went as Peter Griffin and Lois Griffin. H's costume turned out great, and mine was good except for the hair. I bought a cheap orange wig from Walmart, but it looked awful and totally ruined the costume. I ended up getting the orange hair spray stuff, but with my hair being so dark, it didn't show up very well unless I was in direct light. Overall, though, it was a very cute couples costume. Last night, we went in our legit costumes: H was a lumberjack (he's been growing out his beard and hair for 2 months to prepare for the costume) and I went as a ladybug. H even had an axe that I made out of a real axe handle and some aluminum foil. Our costumes turned out really good, and we both got a lot of compliments on them. Plus, it was nice to go hang our with our friends and have a good time. We haven't gone out to see them very much lately, just because of me being exhausted from work and H being busy with school stuff. But last night we got to see them and catch up and just enjoy having a fun Saturday night out. Hopefully we can do that more often!

Truth Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like poopy.
See Day 4 Truth: Someone you need to forgive.

Catching up on truths

Sorry, this week has been HECTIC--must be a full moon or something, because my students have been outrageous! So I'm using this post to catch up on my missed "truth" posts.

Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
I can think of a few things that I need to forgive myself for, things that I think about once in a while and get down about. I think the number one thing I need to forgive myself for is how I treated my family when I was younger, especially in middle school and high school. I am so close to my parents and my sister now, but that wasn't always the case. I still have so many regrets about how I acted and how I mistreated them, and I know that I can never make up for that. It breaks my heart that I behaved that way, and I honestly don't know if I will ever be able to truly forgive myself for that.

Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.
I still have so much hurt from my previous long-term relationship. I'm hurt that I was talked down to and often made to feel unimportant. I'm hurt that he never really showed his affection or care for me. And I'm hurt that he ever thought it would be okay to do that to me.

Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.
I hope that one day I can be an amazing mother and wife. I know that probably makes a lot of feminists upset--that I'm hoping to be a stereotypical version of what society has always wanted women to do. But I don't care. I know that I was born to be a wife and mother, and I can not wait until the day that I get to sit with my husband and hold our brand new baby. I can't wait to raise that baby, to go on field trips and play dates and go to their games (you know my kids will play sports! lol). And I can't wait to fall asleep next to the man I love and wake up next to him every day (okay, so I'm already blessed enough to get to do that!) and to make millions of memories together. I hope that I can be as amazing a mom and wife as my mom has been.

Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.
I hope that I never have to experience the pain of burying my child. I can't even begin to imagine what that would feel like, I hope and pray that I never have to deal with that.

Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Just one person? Impossible. Off the top of my head, I can immediately think of 6 people who have made my life worth living for (and the 7th will be added in January when my nephew is born). My mom and dad (who I loving call Momma and Fashja) have made my life worth living for because I can't imagine who I would be without their love and support as I was growing up. My sister is worth living for because she is my sister and my best friend, and while she has made my life crazy at times, I can't imagine growing up without her. My 2 best friends, who I grew up with, have been there for me through so many things, and without them I don't know how I would have survived so many different experiences! And of course H... <3

This Isn't What I'd Expected

My first year of teaching isn't quite turning out the way I had expected. I don't want to say it's ruining my first year of teaching, but it's been quite a learning experience and I think it's taught me a lot about what I'm looking for in a school district for next year. I'm continuing to trust God that He has a reason for me to be here, but every day it's so much harder to actually get out of my car once I'm in the school parking lot. I love my career, just not my job right now. God will get me through it, though, and I'll be a better teacher because of it.

On to day 2 of truth.
{2. Something you love about yourself}
I don't have the highest self-esteem, so sometimes finding something I love about myself can be hard. But I love my personality. I love that no matter how old I get, I'm still a kid at heart. I look for the fun and excitement in even the smallest places, and I love to laugh and enjoy life. I honestly hope that I never lose that ability, because life is too short and harsh in the first place than to take it seriously all the time. My youth pastor once told me "just because you have to get old doesn't mean you have to grow up" and I've taken that statement to heart. I hope to always have a child-like point of view (and faith!) no matter how old I am! (And I love that I have a future husband who has the same personality as me!)

30 Days of Truth: Day 1

So apparently there is a thing going around the blogosphere to have people posting 30 different truths about themselves, one each day. I think I'm going to try it. I'll only post the full list once, but each day I'll start my post with the specific truth. Here's the full list:

Day 1: Something you hate about yourself.
Day 2: Something you love about yourself.
Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like poopy.
Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough days. (write a letter.)
Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.


Something I hate about myself (although I prefer the term "don't like" instead of hate, because I'd love to believe that there's nothing about myself that I truly hate) would be my need to question and worry about things. I'm not a pessimistic person, and that's not what I mean by this. However, I usually feel the need to play out every possible scenario, good or bad, and worry about all the "what-ifs." There are times when doing that makes me feel more prepared for what could happen, and times when it drives me crazy because it's like I can't shut my mind down. I know it drives the people around me crazy (H especially!) but it's how I handle situations. I'm a worrier, and I'll probably always be one. I just wish sometimes I didn't have to do it for every little thing...