2013 Highlights Reel

As usual, I'll end my year with a reflection.  I know it seems cliche, but as I'm going on my fourth year of writing this blog in January, it seems only right to finish up the calendar year and the blogging year all at once.  Also, the OCD in me requires things to be tied up with a nice little bow before I can close one chapter and start the next...

2013 was a year with a lot of ups and downs for us, and I think even that is an understatement.

Let's go to the highlights reel, shall we?

•  We survived our first North Country Winter this year, which involved more snow and colder temperatures than I had ever expected!
• We spent the year getting to know some of our new best friends at Fort Drum, who have now become our Army family.
• H reintroduced himself to fishing and filled our freezer with Pickerel and Northern Pike (which we still haven't eaten our way through - any one up for a New Year's fish fry?!)
• I started grad school and successfully completed my first semester with a 4.0 and all of my brain cells.
• We celebrated our second wedding anniversary!
• Even from far away, we got to watch our nephew grow from a rambunctious two year old who only spoke a few words here and there, to an even more rambunctious three year old who is so smart and handsome with a great sense of humor.  Watch out ladies!
• We celebrated both H's sister's engagement and my sister's engagement to some awesome guys.
• I became more involved in both PWOC and the FRG, which has opened some doors of opportunity for me and taught me a lot about who I am
• We finally had our first family camping trip, which we've been talking about doing for over 6 years now!
• We got our first dog (and then gave him back when his owner returned from deployment)
• H taught me how to change the oil in our Jeep (not sure if that's more of an accomplishment for me or him haha!)
• I know there's a ton more awesome things that we did, celebrated, learned, and experienced in 2013 that I'm missing, but bear with me since I still haven't had my morning coffee yet ;)

I wish that I could end my list of things we encountered in 2013 there, but life isn't always sunny that way.  This past year also brought some sadness and not-so-awesome experiences to us.  Thankfully, God is awesome when life isn't, and He has used (and continues to use) our circumstances for His purpose.  We experienced the joy and loss of our first baby, but in that He taught us patience, trust, and strengthened my faith beyond measure.  We watched one of our dearest friends get diagnosed with stage four cancer, but He's allowed that to help us support and strengthen their faith and relationship with God.  H went through multiple moves to different units and companies that has not helped his plan for early promotion or getting into the schools he wants in the timeliness that he wants, but God continues to give us what we need when we need it and we're trusting His plan above our own.

We struggled with stress, anger, disappointment, sadness, fear, doubt, and worry this year, but God has been gracious and has seen us through every single circumstance that we've experienced.  He has let us experience the good and the bad, and blessed us for our perseverance through both.  No, it definitely wasn't fun going through the not-so-awesomeness, and there were times where we questioned every part of what was happening and why it was happening.  But you know what?  God is good, and He never once let us struggle without His presence there to guide us and keep us going.

How can we appreciate the good times in our life without experiencing the bad times?

It's something that I've tried to remember when things suck.  If life was always sunny and we never had to experience bad times, then the good times wouldn't matter as much.  I don't know about you, but I find that I appreciate the good things more when they are few and far between (extra money, good hair days, a properly made pumpkin spice latte, you get the idea).  When good times are abundant, yes life is awesome and the stress levels run low, but eventually I stop appreciating the little blessings and good days.

When you throw in a few bad days to mix it up, I can honestly say that those good days are suddenly so much better and mean so much more in the long-run.

What 2013 our "best year ever"?  Not by a long shot!
Did it give us an opportunity to grow, to learn, and to appreciate the good days when they came?  Absolutely!

So what does 2014 hold for us?  I have absolutely no idea but I know that no matter what it is, God's already there.  How awesome is that?!

Wishing you and your family a very blessed (and safe!) New Year's Eve and 2014!

Holes in our Heart

A small baby, but a big hole.

So far, that's the most accurate sentiment for what I'm feeling.  At only 9 weeks (but measuring 6), our baby was the size of a lentil when we went into the ER for an ultrasound due to cramping and bleeding.  That was four days ago.  A lentil.  And yet the hole it's left in our hearts and our lives is so much bigger.

I don't think anyone goes into a pregnancy expecting a miscarriage.  But everyone goes in with the fear of it.  Monday night, our biggest fear came true.  Too much cramping and bleeding.  Four hours, a pelvic exam, an ultrasound, and a lot of tears later, we were sent home with discharge papers and an informational handout on "threatened miscarriage."  I wish I could say that things turned around after going home, but God had a different plan. 

For the past three days, we have been processing our loss.  Last night (Wednesday) was when our fear finally came full circle and I fully miscarried.  There's no better way to say it, no way to sugar coat it or make it sound more poetic than it is.  I miscarried our first pregnancy.  Our first baby.  And the biggest thing I have had to overcome through all of this processing is blaming myself.  But that's for another post...

There is no right or wrong way to process this, from what we've found.  There's no right or wrong way to feel.  There's no prescribed length of time it takes to get through this.  It's all a guessing game for us.  We're learning each moment of each day what's right for us, for our family, and how we process it.  I don't know if it will ever truly "go away" or "get better."  What I do know is that this has brought H and I closer, and has given us a new appreciation for the child that God will bless us with when the time is right. 

We're finding that our love is strong enough to overcome even the greatest loss.  And that you can never take your partner's love and strength for granted.  I honestly have no idea how I would have gotten through any of this without him by my side through it all.

We're finding that our faith is stronger than we realize.  And that God's plan is always greater, even if we can't see it or understand it.

And we're learning that the support of our friends and family is crucial.  No one ever really knows what to say when this happens, unless you've actually been through a miscarriage. Thank goodness for the support of a friend who has had her own share of heartache from the loss of a baby.  She let me cry, ask questions, grieve, and move forward with an openness that I appreciate more than she can ever know.  Nothing was off limits, and that's what I needed to help me process all of this.  And the constant support of my mother, my best friend, and my sister is something that I can never truly repay.  The patience, the understanding, the reminder that it's not my fault and that God has a bigger plan - I don't think I could have made it through all of this without their constant support and love.

Have we given up hope of being parents?  Not by a long shot.

As soon as we're ready, we're getting back on that horse and trusting God's timing.

But I don't think we'll ever forget our first Nugget baby, our first love and loss.  God had other plans for that baby, and has other plans for us.  If anything, this loss has taught us to lean even more on our faith in God and on each other for strength.  It's taught us that everything happens for a reason, even if we don't know what that reason is or if it makes sense to us. 

It's taught us that even the smallest baby can leave the biggest hole.

Baby K Update

It finally happened - we're pregnant!!  It still feels very surreal, like it's all a dream and I'm going to wake up tomorrow and realize that we still have months of trying ahead of us.  I'm writing this on August 25, but I won't actually be publishing it until September 15 due to waiting until we're officially at 8 weeks before making the announcement public.  Here's our story...

Things around our house have been...stressful...to say the least.  I quit my job about a month ago to go back to school full-time, which has made money a bit tighter than usual for us.  We're doing just fine, paying bills and such, but going from two incomes to one is an adjustment to say the least.  I'm preparing to start my first semester of grad school tomorrow, which has me both excited and nervous, but I know that this is a door God has finally opened for me so I'm putting my worries in Him.  H is about to head back to his original unit as they return from deployment which is going to shake up his work situation more than he'd like.  He's had a great run at his current unit while his original unit was deployed and made a really good impression on a lot of his CO's, but with his original unit coming home and the transition back to that unit comes having to start back at square-one in terms of proving he's a squared-away soldier ready to take on responsibilities and start going to schools.

So, yeah, to say our household has been under stress lately is a bit of an understatement.

When I realized I was a few days late, I just chalked it up to the fact that I'm under stress and didn't think too much else of it, especially since last month I thought our timing for making Baby K was off due to my trip home for my cousin's wedding (H didn't come with me, and while we "took care of business" prior to me leaving, I didn't think we were close enough to my O date).  Then I caught myself crying while watching a touching segment on ESPN's SportsCenter.  Yes.  I cried while watching a piece about a Make-a-Wish kid and the Arizona Diamond Backs.  That's when I knew I needed to test.

Fast forward to about 12:30pm and I'm crying in the bathroom over the two VERY dark lines on my positive test.  H had just gone back to work from his lunch break, and I've had a plan since April about how I wanted to surprise him with the good news, so I went into "freak out, cry, happy dance, gotta get this surprise put together" mode.  Thank goodness for my bestie #2 up here who went through pregnancy/delivery at Fort Drum and knew how to direct me - calling the doctor, setting up a blood test, getting all goofy excited for me over the phone.  The usual.  :)  At 3pm I took another test, just for kicks and giggles (and to make sure I wasn't the fluke patient who would have a false positive test - do those even happen?!).  Again, two VERY dark lines.  Called the doctor and scheduled myself for bloodwork the following morning, and eagerly started putting together H's surprise:

To say H was shocked is an understatement.  I'm pretty sure he sat there silently, staring at the items in the box for a solid 10 minutes before anything actually registered in his mind.  (For the record, H is the third man in his family to have his name, so we have always referred to Baby K as "the fourth", hence the blue note).  In fact, I'm pretty sure it didn't actually settle in until the next afternoon when I got the call from my doctor's office confirming my two positive HPT's.

So it's official - Baby K (or Nugget, as I've been calling him/her) is due to arrive April 27, 2014!  I'm exactly 5 weeks pregnant as I write this, and my parents just left from visiting for the weekend.  It was amazing getting to tell them in person, since I really thought I'd have to do it over Facetime or Skype with us being 500 miles away from them.  We surprised them at dinner on Thursday night, and they are almost as excited as we are.  Tonight we'll be calling H's mom to tell her, which I'm a little more nervous about.  It's her first grandbaby, and my parent's second.  We've told a very few select close friends, but as for everyone else...well they have to wait until September 15 to find out :)  And chances are, if you're reading this, you probably just found out today, too!

Go have a celebratory drink (or two) for me, since it'll be a looooong time before I can have one, and remember to trust God in His timing - it'll all work out when He's ready for it to.

xoxo, M

Love, Laughter, and Happily Ever After

H and I were incredibly blessed to have been chosen to attend a Strong Bonds marriage retreat this past week.  Let me preface this by saying no, I didn't have to convince H to go; he actually surprised me with it!  I've been telling him I wanted to go to one for a few months now, and with us starting the journey of trying to have a baby we thought it would be good to attend a retreat about strengthening the foundations of our marriage.  Plus, it's the closest thing we are going to get to a vacation!  Three days at Niagara Falls with all of our hotel stay and meals paid for, plus an amazing program run by the chaplains on how to improve our communication and understanding of each other?  Sign us up!

It was an amazing program.  If you ever have a chance to check out Mark Gungor's "Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage," do it!  It was incredible!  Mark is a great speaker and pastor who approaches marriage with the concept of God made us this way, so instead of trying to change one another, let's change how we communicate with each other to better understand our spouse.  His tone is extremely entertaining and makes you laugh while still tackling serious concepts, and (at least for us) he's pretty spot-on about how the male brain and the female brains work.  We both really enjoyed the whole retreat and the program that was used, and I can honestly say that I feel like we both got a lot out of it to apply to our relationship.

I think sometimes it's so easy to take advantage our partner.  Even having only been married for 18 months, we've been together for over five years and I know that I'm guilty of taking advantage of H at times.  I assume he'll be the one to take out the trash, mow the lawn, or put his dirty boot socks and PT's into the laundry so when he does it I don't think about needing to say a simple "thank you" or tell him how much I appreciate when he does little things like that.  Mark's program put a lot of emphasis on making sure your spouse knows how much you appreciate them, even for the little things, and doing simple acts of kindness to show how much you care for and prioritize them.  That's one of the main things that H and I are trying to apply right away.  Today, while at a rest stop on the NY throughway on our trip home, H got up to throw away our lunch trash and came back with an "I <3 NY" pressed penny (he knows how much I love getting pressed pennies on our adventures) just because he thought it was something that would make me smile.  It wasn't a huge gesture that cost a lot of money or required any big plans, it was simply a pressed penny that he knew would put a smile on my face.  And you know what?  It did!  It meant more to me than flowers because it was something special that he knew I loved to collect and he put thought into why he got it for me.  It's little acts like this that Mark was talking about, and I can't even begin to tell you how appreciative I was for my penny! :)  I love that H took what we learned to heart and already started to apply it to our marriage.


I'm excited, too, because I feel like we've found a new way to show our love and appreciation for each other, which Baby K will grow up and see.  They'll see a father who goes out of his way to be kind to their mother and show her how much he cares for her; they'll see a mother who supports their father's dreams and who shows genuine appreciation for their father's actions and kindness.  Baby K will see what a solid relationship should look like, and will grow up in a home where love and healthy relationships are a constant.  They'll know what love should look, sound, and feel like, and I can't imagine a better environment for a child to grow up in.

 We were given "practical application" time on Thursday afternoon, which was a chance to practice and apply the concepts we learned as well as have a date night.  It was great, because it gave H and I a chance to explore Niagara Falls and have some "vacation" time!  We explored the state park and of course the Falls - so incredibly powerful and beautiful!  We got to check out the fun touristy shops, learned about the history of the Falls, took a trolley ride around the area, rode the Maid of the Mist out to the Falls (and got incredibly soaked doing it!), and then got all fancied up and went to the casino where H won $50 on penny slots - high roller status!  It was so much fun to have a chance to get dressed up, go out to dinner, and check out the casino.  We're not gamblers, but it was fun to go play the penny slots a little and check out what the casino was like.  Just the whole vacation part of the trip was great for us, because we've never had a chance to go on a vacation like that and if it wasn't for the fact that the major parts of the trip (hotel and meals) were paid for by the Army, we'd probably never be able to afford it.  So this trip wasn't just a blessing to attend the marriage retreat, but was a blessing for a vacation!

On the Maid of the Mist boat ride at Niagara Falls, May 2013

It was an incredible week, for sure, and I feel so blessed and thankful to have been able to experience it.  The chaplain gave each couple a few books written by Mark to keep working on things outside of the retreat, and we're both (yes, even H) looking forward to keeping the growth and strengthening of our marriage going with this awesome program.

I'm just continually amazed at God's blessings for us, and hope that the blessings continue coming as we officially start the process of trying to conceive!

-M

Don't Hold Back

I'm putting it all out there.

Went to the doctor yesterday.  According to Guthrie Medical Clinic, I weigh 187 pounds with 37% body fat.

Disgusting.

My BMI is officially in the "obese" range (though thankfully at the low end, and I definitely don't feel obese, or even feel like I look obese).

I feel disgusted by myself for getting this bad.  When H and I met 5 years ago, I weighed 50 pounds less and was much healthier/happier about my body.  I know all about "happy relationship weight" but that doesn't make how I'm feeling ab out myself any better.

Ugh, why can't I seem to stick to eating Paleo lately? I've been eating smaller portions at work for breakfast and lunch, mainly because I'm eating what the kids eat in the kid-size portions, but when I get home all I want to do is graze and munch.  I'm trying to get us back on track with meal planning, because that definitely helps to minimize my munching and my "I don't know what to make so lets just order something" meal cop-out.  But it seems like just as I'm having a few really good days of being on track, something pops up and I'll eat something I regret and all of a sudden I've been off-track for like a week and I feel totally guilty. 

I really need to get back to the gym, too.  H is out on profile for a knee injury so he can't work out as normal, and I'm going to totally take advantage of it by making him become my Meaning McMeanerson Workout Coach and have him kick my butt at the gym.  I just end up being so tired after work that I come home to relax before working out, which turns into never actually going to the gym.  So H has promised to start meeting me at the gym right after work so there isn't even time for me to go home before working out.  Hopefully that's going to help get my butt in gear!

I need to focus.  I need to remember what my end goal is and that I've been there before so I can get back there again.  I can do this.

-M

Back at it

Hello.

Remember when I used to blog all the time?  Yeah...me too.

Things have been very chaotic around here, which I'll get to, but it almost felt like there wasn't anything to blog about even though there has been so much going on.  I don't know, I guess because I feel like this is all becoming a normal part of our life as an Army family, it wasn't interesting enough to actually write about.  But after seeing a dear friend of mine pick back up on her blogging, and how maybe if I do the same I'll be able to stick to some things that I need to work on the way she is.  So thanks, Katie, for inspiring me to get back to blogging and back to refocusing on my lifestyle goals!

Alright, so let's update!
May: My best friend Krista moved in with me so I wasn't completely alone while H was gone.  It was good to have her there, and to know that when I was having a lonely day that she was there to help me get through it.  We celebrated my 26th birthday (26! I'm officially closer to 30 than 20...gross) and our best friend Abbie's 21st.  H also got a 36-hour pass at the end of the month, so we got to Facetime and actually see each other for the first time since he left.

June:  I finished out the school year at the Montessori school, which was exciting but very, very sad.  It meant that I was that much closer to being reunited with H but saying goodbye to the kids and the staff that I had grown so close to was extremely hard for me.  June also held a visit from my brother, a friend's wedding, and 2 solid weeks of shenanigans with my besties before having to move out of BG.

July: July 1st I moved out of BG for the first time in 7 years, which was truly the end of an era.  But moving back to my parents' house was going to be good, financially and emotionally, before I had to move to whatever base the Army would be sending us.  Mid-way through July was H's OSUT graduation, too!  My parents and I took a week-long trip to Ft. Benning, GA to watch H graduate and get his infantryman cord.  I could not have been more proud of him!  Georgia was beautiful, and I even had a chance to stop by my sorority's headquarters and get a  private, after-hours tour of the building.  July also gave me one last chance to head back to BG to spend a night out on the town with my best friends.  And of course, July was the Olympics, which Krista and I made sure to celebrate appropriately (aka wearing our goggles and gold medals while cheering on Team USA together!)

July also brought a major change in our plans.  Due to some ridiculously complicated Army mumbo-jumbo (for lack of an easier/better way to explain it haha) H's contract got changed at the last minute.  For him, this meant taking a detour from his original plan/dream and for me, it meant having the opportunity to move to a base with H a lot sooner than anticipated.  While I was sad that H's plans had to take this detour, it was hard not to be just a little happy to be reunited with H sooner than we'd originally though, especially after spending the past 5 months apart.

August:  August brought "the move," which meant that it also brought a wonderful going away party where I got to see old and far-away friends before moving to our newest destination - Fort Drum, New York.  Don't know where that is?  Get a map of New York.  Next, locate Syracuse.  Okay, now go straight north of Syracuse and put your finger on the Canadian border.  Got it?  Depending on the size of your map, your finger may already be covering Fort Drum.  Yes, that's just how north we really are.  But it's beautiful here, and living on post has been great so far.  Check back with me in about a month when it starts snowing and I may have a different answer for you... :)

So now we're into September, and things have settled down a bit.  H's battalion has been out of state doing some training, but because they left around the time that I moved up here, he didn't have to go because he was on leave.  While he's waiting for them to get back, he's been training for his Expert Infantryman Badge and keeping busy on Rear Detachment (hehehe that makes me giggle every time I say it!), but I think he's ready to have his battalion and his friends back soon.  I've been keeping busy setting up our new house, getting involved on post through church, and taking care of our new furbaby, Riley.  I've also started working a part-time job in retail, but praying daily for God to open up a teaching position for me.  I have a second interview at a preschool on Tuesday morning, so hopefully this is the door that God is opening for me!

Faith has been extremely important through all of this.  Faith that God would help us get through the separation, faith for what was going on with H's contract, faith while waiting for housing to open up in a timely matter for us (we only had to wait 1 week after I moved here before our house was ready--praise God!), faith that I would find a job, faith that he would help us find a perfect home church up here, and so much more!  He has truly taken care of us in so many ways and provided for us when things were tight and scary.  He is so good, and we continue to look to Him for strength, guidance, and help as we are adjusting to our new life.

With a new home, a new location, and a new plan for our lives comes a need for a new (or I guess renewed) drive for getting back to my healthy lifestyle again.  I'm an emotional eater, and that's nothing new.  So while H was gone and I had a lot of emotion running around, it was really hard to stay focused on eating well and working out, which lead to a jump in my weight that I'm not happy about or proud of.  I mean, it's nothing major but it's enough that I notice it and don't like it.  Now that we're settled, I'm hoping we can get refocused on being back to pretty strict Paleo and getting back into the gym at least 4-5 times a week.  It's what we both need and I have got to stop feeling so down on myself all the time about my looks and weight.  So hopefully by being back into the blogging world, I can keep better track of my goals and where I'm at in reaching them.  I won't give up, because I know how much I need this right now.

So that's our life.  Over the past 4 months, I've lived in 4 different places (if you include living at the hotel while we waited for our house to open up), I've reunited with H, we've adopted a kitten, and I've started a new job with the prospects of getting back into the classroom.  I've learned to trust God for so much and be patient for His timing.  And I've officially stepped into the role of Army wife.

I couldn't love life more right now!

Whole30 Days 1 & 2

It's really hard to blog, mainly because that was something H encouraged me to do while he was here.  It was like one of "those things" that we had together, and now that he's gone it's hard to make myself keep going with it.  It's the reason I don't craft anymore, the reason I can't bring myself to play our old video games, and why I haven't been baking.  I just don't feel like doing these things without my husband here, so I've just been ignoring them. 

I'm trying to force myself to get back to blogging, because being an Army wife doesn't mean that I have to stop everything just because he's gone.  In fact, if anything, that's the time I need to keep doing it in order to keep life as normal as possible.  The separation sucks, by the way, but I'm dealing with it.  I have an amazing support system that keeps me going, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't counting down the sleeps until we're back together again at his graduation.  I know that God's plan is being fulfilled, so I'm trying to stay patient and remember that this time apart is all part of His plan.  But some days, it really sucks... :)

So I'm trying to get back on track with the Whole30 program.  H sent me pics of him, and he's lost so much weight and trimmed up so much!  I don't want him to be disappointed that I'm not losing as much as he has (although his workout plan is way more intense than mine is haha!) so I'm trying to get back on track.  I'm going to try to blog it more, too, because hopefully that will keep me focused, too.

Day 1
-Breakfast: egg mcmuffin without the muffin
-Lunch: taco salad with s.cream and jalapenos
-Dinner: crockpot ribs from PaleoPot and corn on the cob

Day 2
-Breakfast: scrambled eggs with bacon
-Lunch: bunless burger, corn on the cob, and fresh veggies
-Dinner: leftover ribs and salad (tentatively, since it's only 3:15pm right now)

So far so good--even though it's only been 2 days.  I'd really like to add running, but I'm having a hard time getting my butt in gear.  I think I'm just going to have to force myself to hit the gym.  I wish I had more determination, easier access to a Crossfit gym, and someone to do it with, but I guess for now I'll have to suck it up and work with my circumstances...

xoxo, M

Back to "normal"

It's really strange to go back to "normal" now that H is gone.  It's like I feel like so much has changed because of H leaving that it seems weird to try and go back to normal--how can things be normal when the most "normal" part of my world and my routine is gone?  Side note:  H is probably the furthest from "normal" I've ever met, but our abnormalness together creates our own version of normalcy.  Yeah, we're strange like that...

Going back to work today was nice.  It got me out of the house for the day, which is good because it means I'm not sitting around stewing in my own thoughts.  It was also really great to get back because I missed my coworkers and my kiddos a lot.  You don't realize how much joy these kids bring you until you need some cheering up--a 3-year-olds hug never fails to put a smile on my face!  But it was so strange to go back to work and go back to my normal routine when I still feel like everything has changed.

In reality, life is pretty much the same, minus the fact that my other half is a 16-hour drive away getting yelled at by drill sergeants.  Work is still work, my daily routine is still pretty much the same (minus seeing H, adding the gym), and my attitude about life in general hasn't changed (although  my faith and relationship with God is becoming stronger, which generally makes life a little better).  But some part of me feels strange trying to go back to normal without him here....

Weird.
xoxo, M

Excited for him, sad for me

It all seems very surreal that he's actually gone.  I don't know what's harder--the build-up to dropping him off at the recruiters, or being alone now that he's gone.  I'm still waiting for him to come walking through the door, or come out of the computer room, and nothing will have changed.  But some part of me knows that won't happen; some part of me knows that this is really happening and that our life in the Army has finally, actually begun.

I'm sad.  At least, I guess that's what I'm feeling.  Sometimes I think "sad" doesn't accurately describe it, but that's the closest I can come to finding the right word.  It feels like part of my heart is missing, which I suppose it is--it's located down in Georgia.  The house feels a lot bigger now that he's not here with me, and what's left of my heart feels heavy. 

At the same time, I am beyond excited for him.  This is his dream job; it's what he's wanted to do since he was little and he's spent his life learning about it, talking to soldiers, and preparing for this new adventure of ours.  That's how we're looking at it--as an "adventure" instead of "a period of separation."  I truly believe he was meant to be a soldier, and that his heart and his mind are in the right place for this, so how could I not be excited for him?  I'm so unbelievably proud of him and I can't wait to hear the stories in his letters of what he's going through and experiencing because I know that this is exactly what he wants to do and where he wants to be.  I'm so excited for him, even if I'm sad for me.

I won't let my sadness overpower me, or shadow my excitement for him.  I have a nice, long list of things I want to do while he's gone (which may or may not include purging his closet of certain clothes...), and I have some of the most supportive and loving friends and family to keep me busy.  It'll be nice to get back to work tomorrow and get back into the routine of things, too, although I am glad I took a couple days off to settle into things around here.  I have good books to read, craft projects to work on, a lizard cage to finish building, adventures to go on with my girlfriends, and an entire summer to spend with my family before PCS orders come in.  I know that I'm going to get through this and come out the other side with a smile on my face, so much love for my husband in my heart, and about 40 pounds missing from my body (oh yeah, I've got some weight loss plans for this time apart!)

I don't know what he's doing today; probably in-processing stuff at reception, maybe getting his uniform and a nice haircut/shave, and making new friends with his drill sergeants! ;)  But I know that he could use prayers for strength, endurance, and success while he's going through all of his training, so feel free to send some his way.  And I'm so thankful for all the support and love that our friends and family have shown us the past few days---I can't imagine trying to go through this without all of that love and support!

I am so proud of my husband, for his choices for our families future, and for his passion to serve and protect his country, and I am unbelievably excited  to see him succeed in this new adventure of ours!

Updates and Eye Twitches

Wow.  It's been over a month since I've blogged.  I feel almost as bad as I do when I go too long without going to the gym!  Funny how something silly and little like blogging, that's only meant to be cathartic, can become such a powerful force in your life.

I'll be honest and admit why I haven't blogged recently.  It's because I've been avoiding my feelings.  I've always been a journaler.  Yes, I made that word up.  But it's true; infact, I still have the journal that I kept when I was in 5th grade.  I love to write and to get my feelings down on paper (or in this case, on a screen), because it helps me work through my thoughts.  Lately, though, all of my thoughts and feelings are surrounding the fact that H leaves for Basic Training in one month.

I don't want to think about it.  I don't want to deal with the fact that in one month I have to kiss my husband goodbye, hug him for the last time until July.  I don't want to accept that I won't be able to talk to him every day, to cuddle up with him when it's been a rough one.  I want to pretend that he'll still be here.  So rather than think/talk/write about it, I push it to the back of my mind.  Doing this has caused a semi-permanent eye twitch, but I'd much rather deal with that than the reality of my husband leaving right now.  So instead of blogging, I pretend it's not happening, which means right now I have very little to blog about.

Life in general is good.  God has blessed us with a lot so far this year, including a full-time job for me at the Montessori School, H hitting his goal weight for his contract, and getting to spend a lot of quality time with our friends and family before he leaves.  Financially, it's been a good year so far, too, with our big tax refund blessing on its way.  Our families are doing well, our friends are doing well, and we are doing well, so the only feelings that I've had to work through are the ones that I'm pretending aren't there.  I know it's coming to a breaking point with those, however, and I'm waiting for that moment when I can't hold it back any longer and everything comes out (like emotional vomit) onto this blog.  Although maybe that's a post I'll write in my paper journal (yes, I do still keep one of those, as well!) because I have a feeling it will be more personal than I choose to share here.  Of course, there will still be a blog update, just maybe not as graphic as the one in my paper journal.

I know that as things get closer to his leaving, and as things get busier around here with the end of the school year (gosh, it seems so early to think about that already!) and with getting ready to move back to my parents' house, the postings here will become more frequent.  Also, I'll be bringing back my crafting, too!  Right now, with working about 45 hours per week, it can sometimes be tough to fit in a really good project.  But once H leaves and I need things to occupy my time/mind, the projects will be making a spectacular comeback! :)

Bear with me.
It's about to get emotional around here...

xoxo, M

Numbers Game

Feeling slightly discouraged tonight.  I don't know if it's the January blues, or that I've had some startling numbers thrown my way lately, but it's not a very fun feeling.  I know I'll get through it because I have an amazing support system of my husband, my friends, my family, and God, but the more I think about these numbers, the more discouraged I get.

36.5 = my body fat percentage (gross.)

29 = my body mass index (one step short of obese, although if you've seen me you wouldn't EVER think that!)

75 = number of days until H leaves for the Army

5 = the average number of hours I sleep every night because I can't seem to stay asleep

16 = the number of consecutive days I've had an eye twitch brought on my stress

Okay.
So these numbers aren't great.
I know that the first 2 and the last 2 can improve.  But that third number really gets me.  After having my husband by my side for the past 4 years (minus a few bumps in the road) while we were dating, and after having lived with him in our tiny apartment for the past year and a half, it's going to be hard to be here alone, knowing that he's not coming home anytime soon and not knowing when the next time I'll hear from him will be.

Times when 75 seems like a big number:
-When you need to lose 75 pounds (thankfully I only need to lose 50!)
-When it's the number of envelopes you need to lick, address, and stamp before the mail comes in the afternoon
-When it's the number of minutes you have to sit with your crazy Aunt Ida who can't seem to stop asking about when you're going to find a man/get married/have a baby/have a steady job/move out on your own.

Times when 75 seems like a small number:
-When it's your paycheck after 2 weeks of work
-When it's the number of people who RSVP'd to your wedding (you'd invited 200...)
-When it's the number of days until you live alone and don't speak to your husband on a daily/hourly basis and you miss him in amounts larger than you ever thought possible.


Repeat after me...
I can do this.
I can do this.
Thank goodness for my momma, God, and moosetracks ice cream to get me through this... oops.  That last thing is probably why I have the first 2 numbers on my list...

xoxo, Melissa

Soon Enough

I'm on a list-making/calendar-filling kick right now.

Let me explain. I'm overly organized by most people's standards. I have small notebooks for different things (Army info, wedding stuff, bills and budget, etc.). We have a dry erase monthly calendar hanging on the front door with weekly/month to-do lists. We have a dry erase board on the fridge for miscellaneous information that we need to share/remember. I have a food planner/weekly calendar for meals on the fridge. I have a planner that is color-coordinated that I swear if ever got lost would cause me coronary arrest. And I can't live without post-it notes and lists.
Obsessive about staying organized? Probably.
But I'll tell you this---it's been extremely useful in making sure things don't fall apart around here.

It's the beginning of a new year, so it only makes sense for me to start some lists and open my new 2012 planner. I didn't go overboard with them, don't worry. But there are a lot of things that need to get done and a lot of events that are coming up that I need to stay organized for. Don't judge me---list-making and calendar-filling make me feel better. Seriously, stop judging...okaythanks. :)

It's come to my attention that H leaves in just under 3 months. Wow...that's really stinkin' close. So today I started my "Pre-Ship Honey-Do List" and began thinking of all the things I need him to do, to show me, and to prepare before he leaves. This, of course, led me to a small crying meltdown. No big deal, but I get the feeling this are going to be happening more often as March 26 gets closer. That led me to realize that I have less than 3 months to drop 30 pounds. I want to be as close to my goal weight as possible before he leaves (because who wants to remember a fatty wife all through basic?! haha just kidding...no but seriously...) and I can lose 30 healthily, even though I'll still be about 20 pounds from my actual goal weight. Yes, that means I have 50 pounds to lose.

This led me to list number 2: my "no holds barred, must lose weight" list. This list is a little simpler, and includes the following: the only foods that are Paleo-friendly that we're allowing in this house and the CrossFit exercise plan I will be following. Surprisingly, this list I'm really excited about. We got 2 really amazing Paleo cookbooks for Christmas (Paleo Comfort Foods  and The Primal Blueprint Cookbook) and with my great new weekly food planning/grocery list calendar, we're able to plan out some tasty new Paleo meals.  Today, I made Paleo biscuits and gravy, and it was probably as close to Bob Evans as I can possibly get.  Delicious! :)

List number 2 makes me happy: Thursday can't come soon enough so I can get back into the gym and do some CrossFit again.  My body has never been happier than when I was CrossFitting/lifting on a regular basis and when I was eating Paleo 90% of the time.

List number 1 makes me sad:  March 26 is going to be here too soon, and then I will have to say goodbye to my best friend for about 8 months---7 of which will be during our first year of marriage (no bueno).  I'm beyond happy to see him finally start his career and for this chapter of our life to begin, but I'm not happy to see him leave.  That's a whole different post, though...

xoxo, Melissa

A Look Back

I can't believe it's almost New Years. It's insane to me--where did this year go? I feel like it was just a couple months ago that I was finishing the school year in Toledo, witnessing the birth of my nephew, and starting to plan our wedding. 2011 has been a crazy year for us full of ups and downs, and in the end we are coming out of it on top and in a much better place than where we started it. God has blessed us abundantly this past year, and I'm praying that those blessings keep coming as we move into next year.

2012 is about to be a CRAZY year for us! With H leaving in March for basic training and beginning his military career, I have to learn early on in 2012 how to handle being by myself and not being able to see/talk to him every day. In June, I finish up an amazing year at the Montessori school (I am ridiculously sad to think about not being there next year, because it is probably the most incredible school/environment I've ever been in) and move back in with my parents on the other side of the state, where I will be for about 5 months until I get PCS orders to move to H's base. In October/November when I get those orders, I will be picking up my entire life and moving out of Ohio for the first time in my life--away from everything I know to start my new life as an Army wife. We'll finish out next year with out wedding ceremony/celebration and reception over the holidays, so at least we can guarantee we'll be coming back home for the holidays. And in between all of these big adventures, there will be a million little adventures that pop up through the year to keep me busy---none of this even includes all of the adventures and excitement that H will experience on his new Army journey! How do I even prepare myself for the crazy year we're about to have?

I'm praying and trusting God to get us through the separations and the hard times, to shower us with blessings, and to give us a million reasons to celebrate this coming year! I know He's got big plans for us, and I can't wait to see where He leads us next :)

On a side note, happy 11 month birthday to my nephew!  I can't believe it's been almost a year since I was there to see your birth and hold your tiny little body in my arms!  Your uncle and I love you so much!!

I hope you have a chance to sit down in the next couple weeks and really take a good look at what God has blessed you with this past year, and to allow Him the opportunity to take charge of your life's path in 2012.  But before we head into the New Year, let's enjoy Christmas surrounded by those we love!!  :)  Goodness I love the holidays so much!

xoxo, Melissa

12 Projects of Christmas: Ooey Gooey Cocoa Cookies

I don't know about you, but I love hot cocoa, especially during the colder months.  And what goes better with hot cocoa than cookies, especially hot cocoa cookies!  I saw this recipe on Pinterest and immediately knew it was one I needed to try:  it's chocolatey, cocoay, cookie goodness with a marshmallow on top--seriously, what could be better?

So I decided to make these cookies today as one of our 12 Projects of Christmas.  H and I went to the recruiter's office today and I thought it would be a nice Christmas treat to take them some warm, homemade cookies, so I woke up this morning and got to baking (even though I'm pretty sure I'm coming down with a cold...boo).

I took the originally recipe and mixed it up a little.  I wanted some actual hot cocoa in the cookie, which isn't in the original recipe so I mixed that up a little.  So enjoy :)

First, get your ingredients:

1 stick (4 ounces) unsalted butter
12 oz. chopped semisweet chocolate (bars)
1 1/4 cups flour
1/4 cup hot cocoa mix
1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt

1 1/4 cups light brown sugar
3 eggs, at room temperature
1 1/2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
Marshmallows
7.5 oz. of semisweet chocolate chips

Start my chopping up the semisweet chocolate bars.  I used Baker's baking chocolate and a big knife.  Place the chopped chocolate with the butter (I cut the butter into small cubes to make it melt faster) into a sauce pan and melt over medium heat.  DON'T STOP STIRRING or your chocolate might burn!  No bueno :(

Once it's all melted and mixed smooth, set it aside to cool for about 15 minutes.  In the mean time, mix the flour, baking powder, salt, hot cocoa mix, and cocoa powder with a whisk.

In a separate bowl, mix eggs, brown sugar, and vanilla on low speed for about 2 minutes.  Mix in the melted chocolate until it's just incorporated, then mix in half of the flour mixture until it's just combined.  Then mix in the other half until it's just combined.  Don't over mix.

Refrigerate for at least 1 hour, then spoon onto a cookie sheet in tablespoon-sized balls, pressing slightly on the top of each one to flatten a little.  

Sorry I don't have any pictures of this part.  H woke up and came into the kitchen to start cooking breakfast, which distracted me and I forgot to take pictures :(

Bake at 350* for about 10 minutes, until the tops start to crack.  While you're waiting for them to bake, cut your marshmallows into thirds, so each marshmallow gives you 3 round disks.  When the 10 minutes is up, push 4 to 5 chocolate chips in the top-center of each cookie, put a marshmallow disk on top of each one, and bake for 2 more minutes.  Cool on parchment paper on the counter, or on your favorite cookie cooling rack!

I sprinkled the tops with some extra shaved semisweet chocolate and powdered sugar---they look lovely, don't they?

You can see the gooey center from the melted chocolate chips, the marshmallow smushed on the top---mmmm, so good!  Serve with an ice cold glass of milk!

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Enjoy! 

xoxo, Melissa

Happy Thanksgiving

I have so much to be thankful for this year, and while I know I should sit and look at all of wonderful things God has blessed me with every day, I admit that I pay more attention to it as Thanksgiving approaches.

Here's my 2011 list of what I'm thankful for:
-Of course, having a brand new husband and being able to spend the rest of my life with my best friend by my side
-A nephew who may not have been expected, but who is probably one of the most wonderful blessings for our family this year
-My family, who has been supremely supportive in during my not-so-amazing job at the beginning of this year, not to mention everything else they have done for/with me including giving us an amazing wedding and honeymoon
-A wonderful new family of in-laws who are so loving and who considered me part of the family a long time ago
-A job that gives me some semblance of hope in the educational system, in our future children, and in getting support from the parents of my students
-The new financial opportunities that have come my way through being an Avon representative
-Reconnecting with old friends and staying in touch no matter the distance between us
-My husband finally being able to sign his contract with the Army and having some idea of where our future in the Army is starting out

I think I'm going to make it a goal for 2012 to keep track of my daily blessings in my paper journal (Yes, I still have a paper journal on top of my blog!  In fact, I've kept a paper journal since roughly the 5th grade.  I'm a nerd.)  God has blessed me with so much, and I don't want to only remember those blessings one month/day a year.  Goal for next year (but really, starting tomorrow): be more grateful every day for what I've got.

I hope everyone has safe travels for Thanksgiving, and that you have a chance to remember what blessings have come your way this year.  Happy Thanksgiving!

And just for giggles, here's my Google hand turkey from the logo this week:

Have a happy and blessed Thanksgiving!

Wedding and Honeymoon Goodies!

Okay, so I've been promising this post for about a week now, and I feel like I finally have time to sit down and write.  Just a warning:  with all the details, this is kind of a long post.  Feel free to jump to the pictures if the details don't interest you.  Don't worry, my feelings won't be hurt, I promise!  :)

It's official--I'm a Mrs.  And I'm pretty much loving it!  Although, I don't think the whole "we're actually married" thing has really sunk in.  Last week, I was talking to the mother of one of my students and I said "yeah and my husband--" and I totally had to stop and think for a minute!  "Husband" came out naturally, but it caught me off-guard at how naturally it came out.  It was one of those "who just said that?  Wait, that was me?!" moments haha!  But being married has been wonderful.  I know we're in the "honeymoon" phase, but the love that we feel for each other is immeasurable, and it's been so much fun being the new, silly married couple.

So here's how the day went:

My sister and all her wonderful cosmetologistness (yes, I just made that word up) helped me get ready by doing my hair and helping with my makeup, and she could not have done a more incredible job.  I looked and felt like an absolute princess!  We'd tested out my hair a few weeks before, just to see if the style I wanted would work with my blusher/birdcage veil, and it looked fabulous during the practice run, but it was seriously amazing for the wedding.  Surprisingly, I wasn't feeling very nervous most of the morning.  I helped my mom do the finishing touches on the great room where we would be having the ceremony, took some "artsy" photos of the rings, flowers, etc., and even did some laundry!  Who does that on their wedding day?!  This girl right here...

In case you forgot, we had the wedding in my parents beautiful 2-story livingroom (the great room), and while I'd never pictured getting married at my parents' house, it could not have been more perfect!

So about an hour before the wedding was supposed to start, I was still running around the house prepping things while my mother chased me around yelling "go to your room, people will be here soon!!"  Then she banished me to the bedroom to watch TV until she and my sister came to help me get dressed.  So what did I do?  Um...watched My Fair Wedding and ate cheese crackers.  Yup.  I didn't actually start feeling nervous until I was in my dress, wearing my veil, holding my bouquet, and waiting for my daddy to come get me.  Cue the instant "ohmygoshi'mgonnavomit" feeling!

The ceremony was perfect.  A long-time friend's father who is a pastor married us, surrounded by our parents, grandparents, best man, and maid of honor.  It was intimate, and that made it so much more special.  But the best part of the whole thing?  The look in my soon to be husband's eyes when we finally got to look at each other.  Just thinking about it still makes me melt.  If there was ever a time I questioned his love for me, in that exact instant I knew I would NEVER question it again.  I cried a little during the vows, but surprisingly I held it together really well!  And to top it off, it snowed on our wedding day!  Not a big, wet, gross Ohio snow, but the light and fluffy kind that just made it magical.

After the ceremony and lots of pictures, we went outside where my parents surprised us with a stretch limo to take to the restaurant we went to! The restaurant was delicious, too, and they were so amazing with the service there.  First of all, the restaurant was gorgeous and the food was incredible!  If you ever get a chance to check out Bravo! Cucina Italiana, I totally recommend it.  They were even kind enough to take our cake that we brought with us, plate it and prepare it for cake-cutting, and boxed it back up for us after.  While we were there, a random couple came up to us to congratulate us and gave us $100!!  Just totally out of the blue, they said they were local pastors that loved to see new married couples and that they felt called to bless us.  It was crazy!

After dinner, we got changed and headed off to Cleveland for the weekend for our honeymoon.  My parents got us 2 nights at one of the classy hotels in downtown, and our plan was to stay until Sunday afternoon since we both had to work Monday afternoon/evening.  We had plans to grab a late dinner/wine tasting Friday night, but by the time we got there we were already exhausted so we checked in, unpacked, and passed out.  Saturday was spent at the Great Lakes Science Center (so much fun!) and then we had dinner at Brasa downtown, which is probably the single most incredible restaurant we've ever been to.  It deserves its own blog post--it was seriously that good.  After dinner, we called the hotel to have the shuttle come pick us up...45 minutes later, they still weren't there.  At this point, we were a little bitter about the fact that they forgot to pick us up, but when the driver finally got there, he felt so bad that he comped us an extra night at the hotel!  We got an extra night of our honeymoon for free!  It was wonderful, and it gave us a chance to try out one more restaurant, do some walking around town, and have dinner with our best man Tony and his new wife Jen.

Overall, it was the single most perfect weekend we could have possibly dreamed of.  We are so thankful to my parents for all the work they put into it, and to our friends and family for being there to celebrate one of the most important days with us!

Okay, okay, enough with the details.  On to the pics!!

Mindy helping me get into my dress - the best Maid of Honor I could ask for!

 

 Me and my momma before the wedding

Taking pictures to pass the time while I wait for my daddy

My daddy giving me away!  This also made me a little teary

 With my parents after the ceremony

 With his mom and John after the ceremony

 Mindy, my maid of honor, and Tony, his best man

With Carter, our little nephew/Godson/ring bearer

The cake at the restaurant--I can't believe he actually smashed it!  (Wait...yes I can...)

Tutorial: CrockPot Apple Butter

I swear, nothing smells better in our house than Fall cooking: pumpkin, cranberries, spices, and of course apples!  And I LOVE to eat all the yummy Fall cooking (which is probably why my Winter clothes always seem to be a little snug...hmmm...).  One of my favorites is apple butter.  Every October, my fiance and I go to the local Apple Butter Fest, where they have huge vats of apples and spices cooking down into homemade apple butter.  Usually we stand in the extremely long line to wait and buy a jar of the delicious stuff, but this year with a smaller budget and a longer line, we decided to try making our own instead!

For the record, apple butter is something that I have never made before, so I was a little worried about how this was all going to turn out.  I pictured it not tasting right or not having the right texture or all of it burning on the bottom of the crock pot and not being able to be eaten.  Insert scary apple butter nightmares here.

Reality:  It was soooo easy!  And it turned out really delicious.  And the best part?  It's homemade, so it automatically tastes better!

Okay, so here's the tutorial.  Honestly, the hardest parts were peeling all the apples and then waiting for the stuff to cook down (You know, when you can smell all that appley-goodness but can't eat it yet?!  You know what I'm talking about...).  I definitely recommend making this yourself, not just because it's easy, but also because you know EXACTLY what's going into it and you can control the amount of sugar you use.  You wouldn't believe the amount of sugar in store-bought apple butter!

First, get your ingredients:

-I used 6 lbs of Jonagold apples for my 8-quart crock-pot, which filled it perfectly to the top--this cooked down to fill 2 large Ball jars.  You can use any kind of apple (except Red Delicious or Yellow Delicious), and I recommend picking ones that have a sweet, crisp flavor--you'll use less sugar that way.
-1 tsp ground cinnamon
-1 tsp ground cloves
-1 tsp apple pie spice
-1 1/2 cups apple cider (you can use sugar-free if you prefer, but you'll probably end up wanting to add more sugar to taste at the end unless you like a less-sweet flavor in your apple butter)
-Sugar to taste, added 1/4 cup at a time at the very end of the cooking process

Peel, core, and chunk your apples and put them in the crockpot.  I used one of those corer-slicer things to make it go quicker.

Add your spices, then add your cider.  Stir it up so most of your apples are covered with the spices and cider.

Now comes the hard part...turn the crockpot to "low" and walk away.  Your apples need to cook for at least 16 hours, but you might find that after 16 hours it's still not cooked down to a consistency you like.  For ours, we cooked it for 20 hours (yes, that's almost one full day--trust me, the wait is worth it!) to get it the thick and smooth consistency we prefer.  Okay, don't totally walk away.  Make sure to come back and stir it once in a while.  I chose to stir it every couple hours at first, because I was around the house, but after about 5 hours I left it alone and only stirred it a few more times during the rest of the cooking process.  Stirring it at the beginning is important to make sure it's cooking evenly.

This is about 8 hours into the cooking process.  The apples have started to cook down, and at this point your house will smell ah-may-zing!!

This is after 20 hours of cooking.  You can see how much everything cooks down and how the color changes.  Stir it up and taste it--now is the time to add sugar until it's got the sweetness you prefer.  We added 2/3 cup of sugar total to ours to get it to the right flavor that we like, but this is totally up to you!

You can "can" this afterward if you choose, but it's not necessary.  This will last in your fridge up to 3 months (if it will even be around that long--around here, it's lucky to last a month!) and this recipe will make enough for a large jar for you and a large jar for a friend--a perfect, homemade gift!

So enjoy your homemade apple butter and make sure to let me know how yours turns out!

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I'm linked up here:
Not So Simple Housewife
Passionately Artistic
The Artsy Girl Connection
Tatertots and Jello
The Sasse Life

Provisions and Painted Shoes

God provides.

I know I talk about this a lot, but it always amazes me how God comes through just in the nick of time.  Granted, sometimes God's timing scares me; I'm a planner.  I want to know what's going to happen, when it's going to happen, how it's going to happen, who it's going to happen with, and I want to know all of this at least a month in advance.  That's my timing; God's timing doesn't usually match up with that, so I get worried until He works things out.  One day I'll learn not to do this.  Until that day, I'm going to keep thanking God for providing just in what I consider the nick of time.

My fiance and I have been stressing about a few wedding things.  I guess he doesn't worry that much; he lets me do all of that! ;)  But I've been worried with good reason.  Just about two weeks ago we went and got our marriage license, which meant we could finally call the courthouse back home and schedule our JoP wedding for next month (side note: it's less than 3 weeks away now!  Where does the time go?!).  So I called and spoke with Eddie the Bailiff, who informed me that due to Veteran's Day all the courthouses in Ohio would be closed on 11/11/11. 

WHAT?!  ::insert Melissa freakout mode here::
So as I'm trying my hardest not to let Eddie the Bailiff know that I'm almost in tears, I thank him and hang up.  Next call?  To Mom, hoping she can fix this.  How?  Not totally sure.  Maybe she has an ordained minister and a beautiful wedding location that are both free and available on 11/11?  Close.  She recommended an elementary schoolmate's ordained father and their beautiful great room for the ceremony.  After a few frantic phone calls to hunt down our (hopefully) minister, as well as a sitting on my friend Krista's floor deciding if getting her ordained online would work, I hear back from Pastor Oglesbee and set up a meeting to talk about it.  Now my nerves are going full-force: what if he won't marry us because it's last minute and we haven't done any premarital counseling with him?

It's funny how God works.  :)
We met with Pastor Oglesbee on Sunday afternoon, and it was perfect.  He's every bit as wonderful as I remember him being when I would go to his house to play with his daughter, and he's more than happy to perform our ceremony!  Best part?  At the courthouse, it would have been a very clinical "ceremony" without any mention of God at all.  Pastor Oglesbee's ceremony, on the other hand, is a traditional Methodist ceremony and puts God right in the middle of it, much like our marriage will be.  It's perfect, and it's amazing how God makes things work.

It was actually a very wedding-filled weekend.  My fiance, Mom, and I checked out a gorgeous, absolutely perfect ceremony/reception venue for the traditional wedding next year, their date of availability is perfect with our plans, and the owner is doing so much to help us work within the means of our budget!  It's truly a blessing to find this place, and hopefully we'll be signing the contract for it very, very soon.  On Sunday Mom and I went to a bridal show.  We may have found the DJ, we got the tux situation settled (yay for deals and me winning a $50 gift certificate!), and we tested roughly 15 kinds of cake.  It was wonderful!  I also got to grab my shoes from home and was able to spend today getting them ready:

The bottoms of my shoes are now my "something blue" and they have the names of my grandmothers on them: Madeline Lucienne and Ruth Marie.  I got this idea from combining a few things from Pinterest.  The blue shoe bottoms totally came from Pinterest, and they aren't that creative on my part.  I've seen different pictures of things on the bottoms of shoes:  I do.  The wedding date.  Your married name.  But since both of my grandmothers were very important in my life, this is my tribute to them since they are both in Heaven watching down on me for my wedding day. <3

Lots of blessings, lots of provisions, and lots of excitement for our wedding!
It's going to be here so soon, and I can't believe how quickly it's coming up.  In 17 days, I will be married to my best friend and starting the next chapter of our lives together (plus having a pretty great little honeymoon, too!)  The next 2 weeks can't go by fast enough!

We're Engaged!

We've kind of done this whole thing backwards.


Since he's going into the Military, we've been talking marriage for the past year, and for the past 5 months we've really considered ourselves to be engaged.  We've been planning both our justice of the peace wedding and our traditional wedding and ceremony during this time, even though he had never officially asked me to be his wife.  Backwards, I know.

Today is the the 4-year anniversary of the day we met, and I came home from work 40 minutes early, which was apparently a bad thing.  When I got to the door, it was not only locked but deadbolted shut.  He told me I couldn't come in yet, and that I had to go find something to do or sit in my car for 40 minutes.  I eventually convinced him to let me come inside and hide in the bedroom if I promised to keep my eyes shut.  I knew he was planning an anniversary dinner, but I didn't think he'd go this far with it!


When I got into the bedroom, I noticed all of our photos and candles had been taken down, which made me a little suspicious... but I hid out for almost 45 minutes before he came in and told me it was ready.  Unfortunately, I wasn't allowed to go out the bedroom door--I had to walk out the back door, down the fire escape, around the building and come back in the front door!


When I got to the front door, there was more waiting--after about 5 minutes (which seemed like an hour at this point!) he came to the door and unlocked it, but told me I had to wait 10 seconds to go in. 


When I opened the door, the lights were off but the house was lit by candles.  Strung across the livingroom was a string with handwritten notes from him and photos of us clipped to it.  All over the room, there were photos and memories of us, and on the ground leading into the kitchen was a trail made of construction paper hearts.  In the diningroom on the table was another note, and when I turned into the kitchen he was there holding a sign that said "Happy 4 Year Anniversary."  I was crying like crazy and he hugged and kissed me.  

He asked me "did you think I was going to propose tonight?" and I said "yes!"  


The next part is kind of blurry :)


He said "why would I do something silly like that" as he was getting down on one knee!  He pulled out a ring, said something incredibly sweet (which, in my mess of tears, I'm not totally sure what it was...but I know it was beautiful and made me cry more!) and put a ring on my finger!  It was perfect, and so much more than I could have ever dreamed of!!

Isn't it funny...

Isn't it funny how life works out sometimes?  How one or two little choices can change everything?

Four years ago, during what would turn out to be one of the toughest times I've experienced, on a night where I wanted to just stay curled up in a blanket at the sorority house, eat junk food, and cry, my best friends convinced me to go to a sorority/fraternity social.  I didn't really want to, especially because I was in the middle of a very bad breakup, but with a little "liquid courage," they got me dressed in Hawaiian clothes and out the door.  I ended up having a great time, and it really got my mind off of the not-so-great things that were going on, but even better--that was the night I met my soon-to-be husband. 

I almost didn't go.
What would have happened if I had stayed home.  Would I have ever met him?  Would we have started dating?  Would I be 53 days away from my wedding right now?  Possibly, but who knows.
One little choice to go out that night resulted in meeting my best friend and better half (don't tell him I called him my "better" half---you know that's going to go to his head and I'm going to hear about it for-ev-errr lol) 
PS. If you want to read about our wedding plans, check out this blog post.

A few months ago, my mom, sister, and one of my bridesmaids and I were going shopping for a dress for the justice of the peace ceremony.  I was expecting to go to JC Penney's or Macy's to find something simple and not too expensive, but my mom suggested we check out David's Bridal just to see what they might have.  It wasn't something that I was expecting to get results out of, but we decided to check it out anyway.  That day, we found not only the perfectly simple dress for the justice of the peace ceremony, but also the traditional dress for the ceremony next year with all of our friends and family--all for super cheap thanks to amazing sales and discounts.  And not only that, but one of the dresses is by my dream designer and is a dress I had picked out as a favorite weeks beforehand, which just happened to be a discontinued dress that was the last one in the store and also happened to be a perfect fit without any alterations needed.

I wasn't planning to go into David's Bridal, let alone find anything there.
One little choice to check out the "maybe we'll find something" possibility ended in me finding 2 perfect dresses (side note: I only tried on 4 dresses total, and we bought 2 of them!)

Thursday will be the 4-year anniversary of when he and I met.
On Saturday I am going to my wedding dress fitting.
I could not be happier with the little choices I've made that have brought me to where I am today.

It's funny how little choices make big life changes...
Feeling very blessed this week!