Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Updates and Eye Twitches

Wow.  It's been over a month since I've blogged.  I feel almost as bad as I do when I go too long without going to the gym!  Funny how something silly and little like blogging, that's only meant to be cathartic, can become such a powerful force in your life.

I'll be honest and admit why I haven't blogged recently.  It's because I've been avoiding my feelings.  I've always been a journaler.  Yes, I made that word up.  But it's true; infact, I still have the journal that I kept when I was in 5th grade.  I love to write and to get my feelings down on paper (or in this case, on a screen), because it helps me work through my thoughts.  Lately, though, all of my thoughts and feelings are surrounding the fact that H leaves for Basic Training in one month.

I don't want to think about it.  I don't want to deal with the fact that in one month I have to kiss my husband goodbye, hug him for the last time until July.  I don't want to accept that I won't be able to talk to him every day, to cuddle up with him when it's been a rough one.  I want to pretend that he'll still be here.  So rather than think/talk/write about it, I push it to the back of my mind.  Doing this has caused a semi-permanent eye twitch, but I'd much rather deal with that than the reality of my husband leaving right now.  So instead of blogging, I pretend it's not happening, which means right now I have very little to blog about.

Life in general is good.  God has blessed us with a lot so far this year, including a full-time job for me at the Montessori School, H hitting his goal weight for his contract, and getting to spend a lot of quality time with our friends and family before he leaves.  Financially, it's been a good year so far, too, with our big tax refund blessing on its way.  Our families are doing well, our friends are doing well, and we are doing well, so the only feelings that I've had to work through are the ones that I'm pretending aren't there.  I know it's coming to a breaking point with those, however, and I'm waiting for that moment when I can't hold it back any longer and everything comes out (like emotional vomit) onto this blog.  Although maybe that's a post I'll write in my paper journal (yes, I do still keep one of those, as well!) because I have a feeling it will be more personal than I choose to share here.  Of course, there will still be a blog update, just maybe not as graphic as the one in my paper journal.

I know that as things get closer to his leaving, and as things get busier around here with the end of the school year (gosh, it seems so early to think about that already!) and with getting ready to move back to my parents' house, the postings here will become more frequent.  Also, I'll be bringing back my crafting, too!  Right now, with working about 45 hours per week, it can sometimes be tough to fit in a really good project.  But once H leaves and I need things to occupy my time/mind, the projects will be making a spectacular comeback! :)

Bear with me.
It's about to get emotional around here...

xoxo, M

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