Monday, February 21, 2011

In a Rut

I'm in a total rut. It's due to roughly 3 factors. In order to better understand what those factors are and how much of an impact they have, I've made the following pie chart. Do not be deceived...although pie usually makes people happy, this chart just makes me sad:

I have to get out of this rut. It's putting stress not just on me, but on H and our relationship in general. Who wants to be around the stressed out, unhappy girl? I don't blame him for feeling like this, but I refuse to let my stress that has nothing to do with our relationship cause stress for our relationship! So here's my "Get Out Of The Rut" Plan:

Step 1: Go to the gym every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday after work, no matter how tired or stressed I am. Even if it's just doing a few laps around the track and lifting the free weights, I'm going to the gym. It makes me feel better, it's good for me, and it's something fun that H and I can do together.

Step 2: Eat healthy again. You are what you eat. If I eat crap, I feel like crap. So no more crappy cafeteria lunches, no more fast food runs, and no more boxed mac n cheese, no matter how PMSie I feel.

Step 3: Get out of the house! I think sitting around the house is giving me cabin fever. I need to get out, even if it's just for walks around the block after dinner or going to the sorority house to visit friends for a little while. I can't be cooped up in here every day anymore--it's driving me crazy.

Step 4: Pray. We've gotten out of the habit of praying together before bed, and I think that it's reflecting in our relationship and in my mood. A lot of this stuff with work has caused me to question what exactly God's plan is and why He's put me here where I feel so abandoned, and admittedly I've stopped talking to God as much as I used to. I'm not losing my faith by any means, but I feel distant from Him and I don't like it. I want to put Him back at the center of my faith and my relationship with H again, where He belongs.

Plan starts immediately. I can't take one more minute of feeling like this. I'm tired of crying and wondering what's going on and why I feel this way. I'm tired of seeing H become stressed out because of my own mood and stress. And I refuse to let any more of this stress continue to keep H and I in a rut. So it starts now.

Nothing can steal my joy if I won't let it, and from now on I won't let it.


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