Today I learned a new word, which at this stage of pregnancy (38 weeks, 3 days) is a special feat in and of itself. Zwischen. It's German, and it means "between."
It is the epitome of where I find myself lately. In between.
In between being childless and a mommy.
In between my body being my own and belonging to the baby growing inside.
In between the joy of holding my daughter and the fear of what comes next.
Pregnancy limbo. Zwischen.
I'm a weepy, curled up ball of tears at every Hallmark commercial, and getting through a Good Morning America spotlight of a child who has done/gone through something extraordinary without bawling is almost impossible at this point. I'm insecure about my roundness and constant waddle, but I'm proud of my body for what it's accomplished in the past 9+ months. I mourn the idea that these last few days/weeks will be the last times that H and I have that are truly "just us," but I look forward with indescribable joy at the idea of raising this beautiful little girl together.
In between.
I have 11 days left until our due date. 11 days (more or less) of "in-betweenness." And I have never felt so torn and conflicted about something so scary and beautiful. I've been blessed to have had an easy pregnancy: little to no nausea, weight gain has been minimal, baby has been healthy and right on track at every appointment, no extreme symptoms or health problems, and generally comfortable up until the past week or two. I have genuinely loved be pregnant, with every little milestone along the way, which is why I feel so torn: as excited as I am to hold my daughter and see our family move into this brand new chapter of our lives, I am so sad to say goodbye to pregnancy. Not because I fear what comes next won't be as good; in fact, I know it will be better! But the joy of feeling my baby move for the first time inside me, the little moments we share in the early morning when Daddy gets up to go to work and I can feel her begin to stretch and wiggle as she wakes up, too - those are the moments that I'm sad to lose. Those are the moments that catch me in my zwischen, my "in-betweenness."
And yet the idea of finally meeting this little girl who I have spent the past 9+ months bonding with, to finally see her chubby cheeks and tiny nose, to count the fingers and toes that have been wiggling around - that I have zero fear or doubt about. I can't wait to hold her, skin-to-skin, in those first moments outside of the womb and know that she is mine; to watch her daddy do the same and know that forever there is a piece of his heart that I will never be able to have because in that instant it now belongs to her. The joy of knowing that our family now has a completeness that we never knew before - that is the moment when my in between ends and my role of mommy begins, something that I look forward to with so much excitement, despite the fears of my in between.
Limbo, torn between two worlds: pregnancy and motherhood, the "now" and the "what's to come."
Ask me again a few weeks after Anastasia has arrived, after we have settled into some semblance of a routine with her, if I miss the in between. I honestly don't know how I'll answer. Truthfully, I know there will always be a part of me that misses the stages of pregnancy and the special bond that is formed during this time, but I can't honestly say if I'll miss this in between, this zwischen stage where everything is ending and beginning all at once.
For now, I will bask in the glow of the final weeks of pregnancy. Not so much the back and hip pain, the redistribution of my center of gravity, or my inability to put on socks by myself. But I'll enjoy my quite mornings with a squirmy baby that makes my belly move all on it's own; I'll fall in love with my husband all over again every time he kisses my bump goodnight or reaches over in the middle of church to lay a gentle hand where he can see her moving; I'll cry at the silliest things and not feel guilty about eating a donut at 9pm. Because this is my in between, my zwischen, and I'll enjoy every moment I have left of it.
Showing posts with label changes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label changes. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 9, 2014
Monday, July 7, 2014
Gold vs. Silver
When I was little, I can remember my Grammy sitting me on her lap and singing a song about friendship to me. She would smile as she sang, and it always made me feel so secure that the message of the song was true to life:
Make new friends
But keep the old;
One is silver
And the other, gold.
I always thought the words of the song were more about knowing that just because I meet new people doesn't mean that I should throw old friendships away. But as I grow older, I realize that maybe this isn't the the actual purpose of the song; maybe it's more about the quality of friendships, both old and new.
For 26 years, I lived within a 150-mile radius of my hometown. And for the first 21 of those years, I lived at my parents' house in my hometown. Same family, same friends, same scenery for 21 years. Yes, within those years friendships changed; the girl who was my best friend in kindergarten was not necessarily my best friend come senior year. But the girl who was my best friend all the way through elementary school and middle school was still a dear friend to me by the time graduation rolled around (probably based on our deep-rooted love of Barbies, Lisa Frank stickers, and boys who played the drums). Once I went away to college, I made new friends but still kept in touch (and to an extent, still continue to) with many of my closest friends from high school.
They say that the friends you make in college are the friends who stick around for life. I hope that's true. My sorority sisters, my classmates through my undergrad program - those are the ones that I hope stick around for the long haul. They know me, not as the little girl who played on the swingset and constantly changed my mind between loving Spice Girls or Mariah Carey more, but as the woman who took on leadership roles, who has a passion for teaching, and who gets a little silly when cranberry-vodka's are involved.
Two years ago, we moved 450 miles away from our hometowns and 600 miles away from the college town we'd called home for 6 years. No college friends, no high school friends. No one that I knew at all. And so the adventure of making new friends began while somehow trying to balance keeping the old from so far away.
Unfortunately, as I'm finding, making new friends who are as good as the silver from the song is tougher than expected. Being an Army wife, I find that the circles of people that I'm associating with are typically the wives of H's soldier buddies. They aren't necessarily people that I "click" with as easily or automatically as I would outside of the "forced" friendships that the Army lifestyle sets up, but that doesn't make them bad people or bad friendships. They are the silver the song speaks of, friendships that are good to have even if they aren't the same depth or strength as those gold ones created during high school and college. (Disclaimer: I have made some absolutely "golden" friendships up here, as well, and I don't want any of this post to make those wonderful ladies feel anything less than the gold that they are. They know who they are, especially my #2)
Without these silver friendships, the ones that are important but aren't necessarily the long-lasting ones that will pass the test of time, would I be able to value the gold friendships as much?
The friendships that started when we were just infants, grown through the deep and lasting golden friendships of our parents.
The friendships of those started in middle and high school, who I know care despite the fact that we may only chat once every few months.
The friendships of my sorority sisters, who know me better than most people, and who appreciates a random text message knowing exactly what I need, even if all it says "if you're a bird..."
The friendships made in college thanks to mutual friends, who normally may not have started for one reason or another, but who I cherish more than anything because of how they have grown and deepened thanks to God, shared life experiences, and/or the military lifestyle.
Those are the golden friendships, the ones who have depth and meaning that I can appreciate so much more thanks to the silver friendships. And the silver friendships I can appreciate and cherish because those are the friendships that are current and what I need right now, and have the potential to turn into golden friendships as our lives mature and change.
Is one better than the other? I wouldn't say "better" but from my experiences the golden friendships tend to have more meaning at this stage of my life; however, both the gold and silver, new and old friendships are equally important to me, and each friendship individually has its own meaning and importance in my life.
To my golden friendships, I could never fully put into words what your friendship and impact in my life has been and continues to mean to me. I cherish our friendship, even if it's just a text or chat message once in a while to check in, a "thinking of you" card in the mail, or a coffee date over the phone. You mean the world to me, and I hope that our friendships continue to last a lifetime!
And to my silver friendships, I am so thankful for God bringing you into my life recently. Your friendship means so much to me, even if it's not as old or as time-tested as the golden friendships from earlier in my life, and I love the memories we've made and continue to make together. Even something as simple as coffee on the porch, a day at the beach, or girls night with munchies and movies means so much to me to know that I have you as part of my "Army family" away from home.
Make new friends
But keep the old;
One is silver
And the other, gold.
I always thought the words of the song were more about knowing that just because I meet new people doesn't mean that I should throw old friendships away. But as I grow older, I realize that maybe this isn't the the actual purpose of the song; maybe it's more about the quality of friendships, both old and new.
For 26 years, I lived within a 150-mile radius of my hometown. And for the first 21 of those years, I lived at my parents' house in my hometown. Same family, same friends, same scenery for 21 years. Yes, within those years friendships changed; the girl who was my best friend in kindergarten was not necessarily my best friend come senior year. But the girl who was my best friend all the way through elementary school and middle school was still a dear friend to me by the time graduation rolled around (probably based on our deep-rooted love of Barbies, Lisa Frank stickers, and boys who played the drums). Once I went away to college, I made new friends but still kept in touch (and to an extent, still continue to) with many of my closest friends from high school.
They say that the friends you make in college are the friends who stick around for life. I hope that's true. My sorority sisters, my classmates through my undergrad program - those are the ones that I hope stick around for the long haul. They know me, not as the little girl who played on the swingset and constantly changed my mind between loving Spice Girls or Mariah Carey more, but as the woman who took on leadership roles, who has a passion for teaching, and who gets a little silly when cranberry-vodka's are involved.
Two years ago, we moved 450 miles away from our hometowns and 600 miles away from the college town we'd called home for 6 years. No college friends, no high school friends. No one that I knew at all. And so the adventure of making new friends began while somehow trying to balance keeping the old from so far away.
Unfortunately, as I'm finding, making new friends who are as good as the silver from the song is tougher than expected. Being an Army wife, I find that the circles of people that I'm associating with are typically the wives of H's soldier buddies. They aren't necessarily people that I "click" with as easily or automatically as I would outside of the "forced" friendships that the Army lifestyle sets up, but that doesn't make them bad people or bad friendships. They are the silver the song speaks of, friendships that are good to have even if they aren't the same depth or strength as those gold ones created during high school and college. (Disclaimer: I have made some absolutely "golden" friendships up here, as well, and I don't want any of this post to make those wonderful ladies feel anything less than the gold that they are. They know who they are, especially my #2)
Without these silver friendships, the ones that are important but aren't necessarily the long-lasting ones that will pass the test of time, would I be able to value the gold friendships as much?
The friendships that started when we were just infants, grown through the deep and lasting golden friendships of our parents.
The friendships of those started in middle and high school, who I know care despite the fact that we may only chat once every few months.
The friendships of my sorority sisters, who know me better than most people, and who appreciates a random text message knowing exactly what I need, even if all it says "if you're a bird..."
The friendships made in college thanks to mutual friends, who normally may not have started for one reason or another, but who I cherish more than anything because of how they have grown and deepened thanks to God, shared life experiences, and/or the military lifestyle.
Those are the golden friendships, the ones who have depth and meaning that I can appreciate so much more thanks to the silver friendships. And the silver friendships I can appreciate and cherish because those are the friendships that are current and what I need right now, and have the potential to turn into golden friendships as our lives mature and change.
Is one better than the other? I wouldn't say "better" but from my experiences the golden friendships tend to have more meaning at this stage of my life; however, both the gold and silver, new and old friendships are equally important to me, and each friendship individually has its own meaning and importance in my life.
To my golden friendships, I could never fully put into words what your friendship and impact in my life has been and continues to mean to me. I cherish our friendship, even if it's just a text or chat message once in a while to check in, a "thinking of you" card in the mail, or a coffee date over the phone. You mean the world to me, and I hope that our friendships continue to last a lifetime!
And to my silver friendships, I am so thankful for God bringing you into my life recently. Your friendship means so much to me, even if it's not as old or as time-tested as the golden friendships from earlier in my life, and I love the memories we've made and continue to make together. Even something as simple as coffee on the porch, a day at the beach, or girls night with munchies and movies means so much to me to know that I have you as part of my "Army family" away from home.
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
2013 Highlights Reel
As usual, I'll end my year with a reflection. I know it seems cliche, but as I'm going on my fourth year of writing this blog in January, it seems only right to finish up the calendar year and the blogging year all at once. Also, the OCD in me requires things to be tied up with a nice little bow before I can close one chapter and start the next...
2013 was a year with a lot of ups and downs for us, and I think even that is an understatement.
Let's go to the highlights reel, shall we?
We struggled with stress, anger, disappointment, sadness, fear, doubt, and worry this year, but God has been gracious and has seen us through every single circumstance that we've experienced. He has let us experience the good and the bad, and blessed us for our perseverance through both. No, it definitely wasn't fun going through the not-so-awesomeness, and there were times where we questioned every part of what was happening and why it was happening. But you know what? God is good, and He never once let us struggle without His presence there to guide us and keep us going.
How can we appreciate the good times in our life without experiencing the bad times?
It's something that I've tried to remember when things suck. If life was always sunny and we never had to experience bad times, then the good times wouldn't matter as much. I don't know about you, but I find that I appreciate the good things more when they are few and far between (extra money, good hair days, a properly made pumpkin spice latte, you get the idea). When good times are abundant, yes life is awesome and the stress levels run low, but eventually I stop appreciating the little blessings and good days.
When you throw in a few bad days to mix it up, I can honestly say that those good days are suddenly so much better and mean so much more in the long-run.
What 2013 our "best year ever"? Not by a long shot!
Did it give us an opportunity to grow, to learn, and to appreciate the good days when they came? Absolutely!
So what does 2014 hold for us? I have absolutely no idea but I know that no matter what it is, God's already there. How awesome is that?!
Wishing you and your family a very blessed (and safe!) New Year's Eve and 2014!
2013 was a year with a lot of ups and downs for us, and I think even that is an understatement.
Let's go to the highlights reel, shall we?
- We survived our first North Country Winter this year, which involved more snow and colder temperatures than I had ever expected!
- We spent the year getting to know some of our new best friends at Fort Drum, who have now become our Army family.
- H reintroduced himself to fishing and filled our freezer with Pickerel and Northern Pike (which we still haven't eaten our way through - any one up for a New Year's fish fry?!)
- I started grad school and successfully completed my first semester with a 4.0 and all of my brain cells.
- We celebrated our second wedding anniversary!
- Even from far away, we got to watch our nephew grow from a rambunctious two year old who only spoke a few words here and there, to an even more rambunctious three year old who is so smart and handsome with a great sense of humor. Watch out ladies!
- We celebrated both H's sister's engagement and my sister's engagement to some awesome guys.
- I became more involved in both PWOC and the FRG, which has opened some doors of opportunity for me and taught me a lot about who I am
- We finally had our first family camping trip, which we've been talking about doing for over 6 years now!
- We got our first dog (and then gave him back when his owner returned from deployment)
- H taught me how to change the oil in our Jeep (not sure if that's more of an accomplishment for me or him haha!)
- I know there's a ton more awesome things that we did, celebrated, learned, and experienced in 2013 that I'm missing, but bear with me since I still haven't had my morning coffee yet ;)
We struggled with stress, anger, disappointment, sadness, fear, doubt, and worry this year, but God has been gracious and has seen us through every single circumstance that we've experienced. He has let us experience the good and the bad, and blessed us for our perseverance through both. No, it definitely wasn't fun going through the not-so-awesomeness, and there were times where we questioned every part of what was happening and why it was happening. But you know what? God is good, and He never once let us struggle without His presence there to guide us and keep us going.
How can we appreciate the good times in our life without experiencing the bad times?
It's something that I've tried to remember when things suck. If life was always sunny and we never had to experience bad times, then the good times wouldn't matter as much. I don't know about you, but I find that I appreciate the good things more when they are few and far between (extra money, good hair days, a properly made pumpkin spice latte, you get the idea). When good times are abundant, yes life is awesome and the stress levels run low, but eventually I stop appreciating the little blessings and good days.
When you throw in a few bad days to mix it up, I can honestly say that those good days are suddenly so much better and mean so much more in the long-run.
What 2013 our "best year ever"? Not by a long shot!
Did it give us an opportunity to grow, to learn, and to appreciate the good days when they came? Absolutely!
So what does 2014 hold for us? I have absolutely no idea but I know that no matter what it is, God's already there. How awesome is that?!
Wishing you and your family a very blessed (and safe!) New Year's Eve and 2014!
Sunday, August 25, 2013
Allergies, or is Baby K already trolling me...
My little Nugget is quite the troll and he isn't even here yet.
I've always had acid reflux issues, and Tums are my BFF. But the heartburn I have had since finding out I was preggers makes my acid reflux look like the hiccups. That, combined with the feeling like I need to take naps at the most random times, and the allergies that make it almost impossible to be outside, and I feel like my body is turning on me.
I'm not complaining, trust me. I knew coming into this that these kinds of symptoms were commonplace for pregnancy and with how much we've wanted to start our family, I knew I was asking for this kind of stuff. But I didn't realize how much my body would change with little things like this, or how quickly it would all happen.
I'm at five weeks, and I can already tell there's some ch-ch-ch-chaaanges (sing it!) going on. Like the fact that all of a sudden, I can't eat regular-sized meals like I could 2 weeks ago. For example, we had steak for dinner last night, along with mashed potatoes and cantaloupe. Two weeks ago, I could have easily eaten the majority of my steak, all of my potatoes, and some melon without any problems. Last night? A third (maybe) of my steak, half my potatoes, and 3 small pieces of melon. What the heck, Nugget, shouldn't you be hungry if you're going through a major growth spurt right now, especially for one of my favorite foods?! And even after just that small portion of food, I felt bloated. But you better believe about an hour later I could tell I was hungry again. It's so weird; my body has never been like that, but I guess it's all part of the mommyhood territory. Sometimes, I can't tell if I'm hungry or mildly nauseous, although I have to be thankful that I haven't experienced morning sickness yet (knocking on the wooden desk in the office as we speak!). And I learned that scrambled eggs are a major no-go for me right now.
It's weird that two weeks ago, none of this was an issue. I could eat normal, had my usual heartburn symptoms, and rarely felt bloated or nauseous. In the matter of two weeks of Nugget growing, though, it's like my body has done a complete 180 and I don't even know it anymore. It's weird. And I know there's still more changes to come, but it's kind of like these little changes make the fact that I'm actually pregnant feel so much more real... and that I definitely don't mind :)
xoxo, M
I've always had acid reflux issues, and Tums are my BFF. But the heartburn I have had since finding out I was preggers makes my acid reflux look like the hiccups. That, combined with the feeling like I need to take naps at the most random times, and the allergies that make it almost impossible to be outside, and I feel like my body is turning on me.
I'm not complaining, trust me. I knew coming into this that these kinds of symptoms were commonplace for pregnancy and with how much we've wanted to start our family, I knew I was asking for this kind of stuff. But I didn't realize how much my body would change with little things like this, or how quickly it would all happen.
I'm at five weeks, and I can already tell there's some ch-ch-ch-chaaanges (sing it!) going on. Like the fact that all of a sudden, I can't eat regular-sized meals like I could 2 weeks ago. For example, we had steak for dinner last night, along with mashed potatoes and cantaloupe. Two weeks ago, I could have easily eaten the majority of my steak, all of my potatoes, and some melon without any problems. Last night? A third (maybe) of my steak, half my potatoes, and 3 small pieces of melon. What the heck, Nugget, shouldn't you be hungry if you're going through a major growth spurt right now, especially for one of my favorite foods?! And even after just that small portion of food, I felt bloated. But you better believe about an hour later I could tell I was hungry again. It's so weird; my body has never been like that, but I guess it's all part of the mommyhood territory. Sometimes, I can't tell if I'm hungry or mildly nauseous, although I have to be thankful that I haven't experienced morning sickness yet (knocking on the wooden desk in the office as we speak!). And I learned that scrambled eggs are a major no-go for me right now.
It's weird that two weeks ago, none of this was an issue. I could eat normal, had my usual heartburn symptoms, and rarely felt bloated or nauseous. In the matter of two weeks of Nugget growing, though, it's like my body has done a complete 180 and I don't even know it anymore. It's weird. And I know there's still more changes to come, but it's kind of like these little changes make the fact that I'm actually pregnant feel so much more real... and that I definitely don't mind :)
xoxo, M
Saturday, April 20, 2013
Where has the time gone?!
We've been in New York for 9 months? REALLY?
Where has the time gone? Seriously. It definitely doesn't feel like it's been that long. Maybe 4 months at most. But we've survived our first fall and winter in the North Country, H hit his one-year mark in the Army, and I've been teaching my preschoolers for eight months. Okay, I guess it has been that long. Wow that went by fast!
I know it seems crazy, but it feels like in the past 9 months there really haven't been that many interesting things going on to talk about. To be honest, it's almost felt a little stagnant. Not a bad stagnant, but definitely non-moving. Like I'm treading water.
As much as I've loved teaching at the preschool, it's not where my heart truly is. It's been almost 2 years since I've been in a high school classroom as a lead teacher, and I can feel myself losing a grip on the idea that I'll ever be back in one, especially here in New York. Up here, it's almost a requirement to have your Master's degree to be a teacher, which has put a damper on my ability to get back into a classroom. Thankfully, though, it looks like I'll be starting my Master's degree (back at good old BGSU!) program in August which will definitely help with the treading water feeling - almost like I'm finally starting to swim towards the far shore instead of just stay in place while I watch it like a dream.
I've also had to deal with homesickness more often than I anticipated. It's not terrible, but it's enough that every couple months I just feel like I'm missing out on everything back home. I've had to miss one very important wedding already this year, and there are at least 2 more that I can't attend. As the weather gets warmer, I keep feeling like "oh this is a perfect day to go grill and hang out with Krista and Abbie"; but of course, they're 600+ miles away. I'll find myself bored on a weeknight where H is in the field and all I want is to hang out with my sister and watch a movie. It usually only lasts a few days, and I do have some good friends who are up here that have been wonderful, but nothing beats being back home with my family once in a while.
Okay, enough with the Debbie Downerness of this post. While I've been dealing with the whole "treading water" and homesickness stuff, some amazing things have been happening! Both of our close friend couples up here have had babies in the past couple months! It's so wonderful to watch our friends' families expand and grow, and it's been an encouragement for us to try to start our own family. We are trusting God's hand in all of this and know that His timing is perfect timing, but we're hoping that sometime this summer we'll get some good news about our family doing some of it's own growing and expanding!
H passed the one-year mark for being in the Army back in March, and it's been a very interesting year for him. The unit that he originally got placed in has deployed, although he did not go with them. His particular company was kept behind on Rear Detachment (rear-d), and he's been temporarily moved from his original unit/company (an all-infantry unit) to a new unit/troop (a cavalry unit). While at first he wasn't excited about moving around like this, it's actually been a HUGE blessing in disguise. He's been able to move to a unit that is much better in terms of professionalism and training, and it's opened a lot of doors for him in terms of taking on leadership roles, going to training schools, and being taken seriously as a career soldier. He'll have the opportunity to go to the Soldier of the Month Board in a few weeks, which means he can (hopefully!) rank up sooner than anticipated. He's been able to prove himself a lot to his temporary commanding officers, even so much as to have them telling him that when his original unit returns from deployment, they want him to fill out paperwork to be permanently moved to their cavalry unit. He's really excited about that prospect, because in the cavalry unit he's got the ability to actually progress his career and get to where he wants to be a lot sooner. Praise God!
We also got to go to our first Military ball this spring, which was fantastic!
I've been able to start advertising and selling my cupcakes to friends up here, which has been amazing. It's like a pipe dream of mine is finally starting to come through, thanks to the support of H and his love of seeing my dreams come to fruition. It hasn't been anything crazy and big, but it's been enough to make me feel like I'm more than just a girl baking in her kitchen for free. (Yes, I'm about to shamelessly plug by business...but it's my blog, so I can do what I want! haha) Check out Lovebites Cupcakes :)
Riley kitten has grown a lot, and is officially the queen of our house. She's been so wonderful to have in our family, and it seems strange to think about our family before she was in it.
Okay, so I guess more has happened over the past 9 months than I'd realized. God has truly been blessing us up here. We've found a great church family where H gets to usher occasionally and I help with Sunday School. It finally feels like H's career is on-track and he'll have the chance to see some of his dreams come true. I'm able to attend grad school (finally!) and will hopefully be in my own classroom within the next year and a half. We've made great friends, gotten ourselves established and settled in up here, and are starting to work on growing our family. God's got His hand on us and we are truly blessed!
My goal is to actually update more than just every few months from now on. I know I've said it before, but with all the amazing things that are coming our way soon, I want to keep things updated more often. In theory, we'll use the blog to track the progress of trying to conceive and our pregnancy so there will be lots of updates from that! :) Hooray for blessings and change!
-M
Where has the time gone? Seriously. It definitely doesn't feel like it's been that long. Maybe 4 months at most. But we've survived our first fall and winter in the North Country, H hit his one-year mark in the Army, and I've been teaching my preschoolers for eight months. Okay, I guess it has been that long. Wow that went by fast!
I know it seems crazy, but it feels like in the past 9 months there really haven't been that many interesting things going on to talk about. To be honest, it's almost felt a little stagnant. Not a bad stagnant, but definitely non-moving. Like I'm treading water.
As much as I've loved teaching at the preschool, it's not where my heart truly is. It's been almost 2 years since I've been in a high school classroom as a lead teacher, and I can feel myself losing a grip on the idea that I'll ever be back in one, especially here in New York. Up here, it's almost a requirement to have your Master's degree to be a teacher, which has put a damper on my ability to get back into a classroom. Thankfully, though, it looks like I'll be starting my Master's degree (back at good old BGSU!) program in August which will definitely help with the treading water feeling - almost like I'm finally starting to swim towards the far shore instead of just stay in place while I watch it like a dream.
I've also had to deal with homesickness more often than I anticipated. It's not terrible, but it's enough that every couple months I just feel like I'm missing out on everything back home. I've had to miss one very important wedding already this year, and there are at least 2 more that I can't attend. As the weather gets warmer, I keep feeling like "oh this is a perfect day to go grill and hang out with Krista and Abbie"; but of course, they're 600+ miles away. I'll find myself bored on a weeknight where H is in the field and all I want is to hang out with my sister and watch a movie. It usually only lasts a few days, and I do have some good friends who are up here that have been wonderful, but nothing beats being back home with my family once in a while.
Okay, enough with the Debbie Downerness of this post. While I've been dealing with the whole "treading water" and homesickness stuff, some amazing things have been happening! Both of our close friend couples up here have had babies in the past couple months! It's so wonderful to watch our friends' families expand and grow, and it's been an encouragement for us to try to start our own family. We are trusting God's hand in all of this and know that His timing is perfect timing, but we're hoping that sometime this summer we'll get some good news about our family doing some of it's own growing and expanding!
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| Sharlot and I on Valentine's Day - one of my best friends up here! |
H passed the one-year mark for being in the Army back in March, and it's been a very interesting year for him. The unit that he originally got placed in has deployed, although he did not go with them. His particular company was kept behind on Rear Detachment (rear-d), and he's been temporarily moved from his original unit/company (an all-infantry unit) to a new unit/troop (a cavalry unit). While at first he wasn't excited about moving around like this, it's actually been a HUGE blessing in disguise. He's been able to move to a unit that is much better in terms of professionalism and training, and it's opened a lot of doors for him in terms of taking on leadership roles, going to training schools, and being taken seriously as a career soldier. He'll have the opportunity to go to the Soldier of the Month Board in a few weeks, which means he can (hopefully!) rank up sooner than anticipated. He's been able to prove himself a lot to his temporary commanding officers, even so much as to have them telling him that when his original unit returns from deployment, they want him to fill out paperwork to be permanently moved to their cavalry unit. He's really excited about that prospect, because in the cavalry unit he's got the ability to actually progress his career and get to where he wants to be a lot sooner. Praise God!
We also got to go to our first Military ball this spring, which was fantastic!
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| At the ball in March 2013 |
I've been able to start advertising and selling my cupcakes to friends up here, which has been amazing. It's like a pipe dream of mine is finally starting to come through, thanks to the support of H and his love of seeing my dreams come to fruition. It hasn't been anything crazy and big, but it's been enough to make me feel like I'm more than just a girl baking in her kitchen for free. (Yes, I'm about to shamelessly plug by business...but it's my blog, so I can do what I want! haha) Check out Lovebites Cupcakes :)
Riley kitten has grown a lot, and is officially the queen of our house. She's been so wonderful to have in our family, and it seems strange to think about our family before she was in it.
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| Baby Riley Kitten - not so little anymore! |
My goal is to actually update more than just every few months from now on. I know I've said it before, but with all the amazing things that are coming our way soon, I want to keep things updated more often. In theory, we'll use the blog to track the progress of trying to conceive and our pregnancy so there will be lots of updates from that! :) Hooray for blessings and change!
-M
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Back at it
Hello.
Remember when I used to blog all the time? Yeah...me too.
Things have been very chaotic around here, which I'll get to, but it almost felt like there wasn't anything to blog about even though there has been so much going on. I don't know, I guess because I feel like this is all becoming a normal part of our life as an Army family, it wasn't interesting enough to actually write about. But after seeing a dear friend of mine pick back up on her blogging, and how maybe if I do the same I'll be able to stick to some things that I need to work on the way she is. So thanks, Katie, for inspiring me to get back to blogging and back to refocusing on my lifestyle goals!
Alright, so let's update!
May: My best friend Krista moved in with me so I wasn't completely alone while H was gone. It was good to have her there, and to know that when I was having a lonely day that she was there to help me get through it. We celebrated my 26th birthday (26! I'm officially closer to 30 than 20...gross) and our best friend Abbie's 21st. H also got a 36-hour pass at the end of the month, so we got to Facetime and actually see each other for the first time since he left.
June: I finished out the school year at the Montessori school, which was exciting but very, very sad. It meant that I was that much closer to being reunited with H but saying goodbye to the kids and the staff that I had grown so close to was extremely hard for me. June also held a visit from my brother, a friend's wedding, and 2 solid weeks of shenanigans with my besties before having to move out of BG.
July: July 1st I moved out of BG for the first time in 7 years, which was truly the end of an era. But moving back to my parents' house was going to be good, financially and emotionally, before I had to move to whatever base the Army would be sending us. Mid-way through July was H's OSUT graduation, too! My parents and I took a week-long trip to Ft. Benning, GA to watch H graduate and get his infantryman cord. I could not have been more proud of him! Georgia was beautiful, and I even had a chance to stop by my sorority's headquarters and get a private, after-hours tour of the building. July also gave me one last chance to head back to BG to spend a night out on the town with my best friends. And of course, July was the Olympics, which Krista and I made sure to celebrate appropriately (aka wearing our goggles and gold medals while cheering on Team USA together!)
July also brought a major change in our plans. Due to some ridiculously complicated Army mumbo-jumbo (for lack of an easier/better way to explain it haha) H's contract got changed at the last minute. For him, this meant taking a detour from his original plan/dream and for me, it meant having the opportunity to move to a base with H a lot sooner than anticipated. While I was sad that H's plans had to take this detour, it was hard not to be just a little happy to be reunited with H sooner than we'd originally though, especially after spending the past 5 months apart.
August: August brought "the move," which meant that it also brought a wonderful going away party where I got to see old and far-away friends before moving to our newest destination - Fort Drum, New York. Don't know where that is? Get a map of New York. Next, locate Syracuse. Okay, now go straight north of Syracuse and put your finger on the Canadian border. Got it? Depending on the size of your map, your finger may already be covering Fort Drum. Yes, that's just how north we really are. But it's beautiful here, and living on post has been great so far. Check back with me in about a month when it starts snowing and I may have a different answer for you... :)
So now we're into September, and things have settled down a bit. H's battalion has been out of state doing some training, but because they left around the time that I moved up here, he didn't have to go because he was on leave. While he's waiting for them to get back, he's been training for his Expert Infantryman Badge and keeping busy on Rear Detachment (hehehe that makes me giggle every time I say it!), but I think he's ready to have his battalion and his friends back soon. I've been keeping busy setting up our new house, getting involved on post through church, and taking care of our new furbaby, Riley. I've also started working a part-time job in retail, but praying daily for God to open up a teaching position for me. I have a second interview at a preschool on Tuesday morning, so hopefully this is the door that God is opening for me!
Faith has been extremely important through all of this. Faith that God would help us get through the separation, faith for what was going on with H's contract, faith while waiting for housing to open up in a timely matter for us (we only had to wait 1 week after I moved here before our house was ready--praise God!), faith that I would find a job, faith that he would help us find a perfect home church up here, and so much more! He has truly taken care of us in so many ways and provided for us when things were tight and scary. He is so good, and we continue to look to Him for strength, guidance, and help as we are adjusting to our new life.
With a new home, a new location, and a new plan for our lives comes a need for a new (or I guess renewed) drive for getting back to my healthy lifestyle again. I'm an emotional eater, and that's nothing new. So while H was gone and I had a lot of emotion running around, it was really hard to stay focused on eating well and working out, which lead to a jump in my weight that I'm not happy about or proud of. I mean, it's nothing major but it's enough that I notice it and don't like it. Now that we're settled, I'm hoping we can get refocused on being back to pretty strict Paleo and getting back into the gym at least 4-5 times a week. It's what we both need and I have got to stop feeling so down on myself all the time about my looks and weight. So hopefully by being back into the blogging world, I can keep better track of my goals and where I'm at in reaching them. I won't give up, because I know how much I need this right now.
So that's our life. Over the past 4 months, I've lived in 4 different places (if you include living at the hotel while we waited for our house to open up), I've reunited with H, we've adopted a kitten, and I've started a new job with the prospects of getting back into the classroom. I've learned to trust God for so much and be patient for His timing. And I've officially stepped into the role of Army wife.
I couldn't love life more right now!
Remember when I used to blog all the time? Yeah...me too.
Things have been very chaotic around here, which I'll get to, but it almost felt like there wasn't anything to blog about even though there has been so much going on. I don't know, I guess because I feel like this is all becoming a normal part of our life as an Army family, it wasn't interesting enough to actually write about. But after seeing a dear friend of mine pick back up on her blogging, and how maybe if I do the same I'll be able to stick to some things that I need to work on the way she is. So thanks, Katie, for inspiring me to get back to blogging and back to refocusing on my lifestyle goals!
Alright, so let's update!
May: My best friend Krista moved in with me so I wasn't completely alone while H was gone. It was good to have her there, and to know that when I was having a lonely day that she was there to help me get through it. We celebrated my 26th birthday (26! I'm officially closer to 30 than 20...gross) and our best friend Abbie's 21st. H also got a 36-hour pass at the end of the month, so we got to Facetime and actually see each other for the first time since he left.
June: I finished out the school year at the Montessori school, which was exciting but very, very sad. It meant that I was that much closer to being reunited with H but saying goodbye to the kids and the staff that I had grown so close to was extremely hard for me. June also held a visit from my brother, a friend's wedding, and 2 solid weeks of shenanigans with my besties before having to move out of BG.
July: July 1st I moved out of BG for the first time in 7 years, which was truly the end of an era. But moving back to my parents' house was going to be good, financially and emotionally, before I had to move to whatever base the Army would be sending us. Mid-way through July was H's OSUT graduation, too! My parents and I took a week-long trip to Ft. Benning, GA to watch H graduate and get his infantryman cord. I could not have been more proud of him! Georgia was beautiful, and I even had a chance to stop by my sorority's headquarters and get a private, after-hours tour of the building. July also gave me one last chance to head back to BG to spend a night out on the town with my best friends. And of course, July was the Olympics, which Krista and I made sure to celebrate appropriately (aka wearing our goggles and gold medals while cheering on Team USA together!)
July also brought a major change in our plans. Due to some ridiculously complicated Army mumbo-jumbo (for lack of an easier/better way to explain it haha) H's contract got changed at the last minute. For him, this meant taking a detour from his original plan/dream and for me, it meant having the opportunity to move to a base with H a lot sooner than anticipated. While I was sad that H's plans had to take this detour, it was hard not to be just a little happy to be reunited with H sooner than we'd originally though, especially after spending the past 5 months apart.
August: August brought "the move," which meant that it also brought a wonderful going away party where I got to see old and far-away friends before moving to our newest destination - Fort Drum, New York. Don't know where that is? Get a map of New York. Next, locate Syracuse. Okay, now go straight north of Syracuse and put your finger on the Canadian border. Got it? Depending on the size of your map, your finger may already be covering Fort Drum. Yes, that's just how north we really are. But it's beautiful here, and living on post has been great so far. Check back with me in about a month when it starts snowing and I may have a different answer for you... :)
So now we're into September, and things have settled down a bit. H's battalion has been out of state doing some training, but because they left around the time that I moved up here, he didn't have to go because he was on leave. While he's waiting for them to get back, he's been training for his Expert Infantryman Badge and keeping busy on Rear Detachment (hehehe that makes me giggle every time I say it!), but I think he's ready to have his battalion and his friends back soon. I've been keeping busy setting up our new house, getting involved on post through church, and taking care of our new furbaby, Riley. I've also started working a part-time job in retail, but praying daily for God to open up a teaching position for me. I have a second interview at a preschool on Tuesday morning, so hopefully this is the door that God is opening for me!
Faith has been extremely important through all of this. Faith that God would help us get through the separation, faith for what was going on with H's contract, faith while waiting for housing to open up in a timely matter for us (we only had to wait 1 week after I moved here before our house was ready--praise God!), faith that I would find a job, faith that he would help us find a perfect home church up here, and so much more! He has truly taken care of us in so many ways and provided for us when things were tight and scary. He is so good, and we continue to look to Him for strength, guidance, and help as we are adjusting to our new life.
With a new home, a new location, and a new plan for our lives comes a need for a new (or I guess renewed) drive for getting back to my healthy lifestyle again. I'm an emotional eater, and that's nothing new. So while H was gone and I had a lot of emotion running around, it was really hard to stay focused on eating well and working out, which lead to a jump in my weight that I'm not happy about or proud of. I mean, it's nothing major but it's enough that I notice it and don't like it. Now that we're settled, I'm hoping we can get refocused on being back to pretty strict Paleo and getting back into the gym at least 4-5 times a week. It's what we both need and I have got to stop feeling so down on myself all the time about my looks and weight. So hopefully by being back into the blogging world, I can keep better track of my goals and where I'm at in reaching them. I won't give up, because I know how much I need this right now.
So that's our life. Over the past 4 months, I've lived in 4 different places (if you include living at the hotel while we waited for our house to open up), I've reunited with H, we've adopted a kitten, and I've started a new job with the prospects of getting back into the classroom. I've learned to trust God for so much and be patient for His timing. And I've officially stepped into the role of Army wife.
I couldn't love life more right now!
Monday, December 12, 2011
A Look Back
I can't believe it's almost New Years. It's insane to me--where did this year go? I feel like it was just a couple months ago that I was finishing the school year in Toledo, witnessing the birth of my nephew, and starting to plan our wedding. 2011 has been a crazy year for us full of ups and downs, and in the end we are coming out of it on top and in a much better place than where we started it. God has blessed us abundantly this past year, and I'm praying that those blessings keep coming as we move into next year.
2012 is about to be a CRAZY year for us! With H leaving in March for basic training and beginning his military career, I have to learn early on in 2012 how to handle being by myself and not being able to see/talk to him every day. In June, I finish up an amazing year at the Montessori school (I am ridiculously sad to think about not being there next year, because it is probably the most incredible school/environment I've ever been in) and move back in with my parents on the other side of the state, where I will be for about 5 months until I get PCS orders to move to H's base. In October/November when I get those orders, I will be picking up my entire life and moving out of Ohio for the first time in my life--away from everything I know to start my new life as an Army wife. We'll finish out next year with out wedding ceremony/celebration and reception over the holidays, so at least we can guarantee we'll be coming back home for the holidays. And in between all of these big adventures, there will be a million little adventures that pop up through the year to keep me busy---none of this even includes all of the adventures and excitement that H will experience on his new Army journey! How do I even prepare myself for the crazy year we're about to have?
I'm praying and trusting God to get us through the separations and the hard times, to shower us with blessings, and to give us a million reasons to celebrate this coming year! I know He's got big plans for us, and I can't wait to see where He leads us next :)
On a side note, happy 11 month birthday to my nephew! I can't believe it's been almost a year since I was there to see your birth and hold your tiny little body in my arms! Your uncle and I love you so much!!
I hope you have a chance to sit down in the next couple weeks and really take a good look at what God has blessed you with this past year, and to allow Him the opportunity to take charge of your life's path in 2012. But before we head into the New Year, let's enjoy Christmas surrounded by those we love!! :) Goodness I love the holidays so much!
xoxo, Melissa
2012 is about to be a CRAZY year for us! With H leaving in March for basic training and beginning his military career, I have to learn early on in 2012 how to handle being by myself and not being able to see/talk to him every day. In June, I finish up an amazing year at the Montessori school (I am ridiculously sad to think about not being there next year, because it is probably the most incredible school/environment I've ever been in) and move back in with my parents on the other side of the state, where I will be for about 5 months until I get PCS orders to move to H's base. In October/November when I get those orders, I will be picking up my entire life and moving out of Ohio for the first time in my life--away from everything I know to start my new life as an Army wife. We'll finish out next year with out wedding ceremony/celebration and reception over the holidays, so at least we can guarantee we'll be coming back home for the holidays. And in between all of these big adventures, there will be a million little adventures that pop up through the year to keep me busy---none of this even includes all of the adventures and excitement that H will experience on his new Army journey! How do I even prepare myself for the crazy year we're about to have?
I'm praying and trusting God to get us through the separations and the hard times, to shower us with blessings, and to give us a million reasons to celebrate this coming year! I know He's got big plans for us, and I can't wait to see where He leads us next :)
On a side note, happy 11 month birthday to my nephew! I can't believe it's been almost a year since I was there to see your birth and hold your tiny little body in my arms! Your uncle and I love you so much!!
I hope you have a chance to sit down in the next couple weeks and really take a good look at what God has blessed you with this past year, and to allow Him the opportunity to take charge of your life's path in 2012. But before we head into the New Year, let's enjoy Christmas surrounded by those we love!! :) Goodness I love the holidays so much!
xoxo, Melissa
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Isn't it funny...
Isn't it funny how life works out sometimes? How one or two little choices can change everything?
Four years ago, during what would turn out to be one of the toughest times I've experienced, on a night where I wanted to just stay curled up in a blanket at the sorority house, eat junk food, and cry, my best friends convinced me to go to a sorority/fraternity social. I didn't really want to, especially because I was in the middle of a very bad breakup, but with a little "liquid courage," they got me dressed in Hawaiian clothes and out the door. I ended up having a great time, and it really got my mind off of the not-so-great things that were going on, but even better--that was the night I met my soon-to-be husband.
I almost didn't go.
What would have happened if I had stayed home. Would I have ever met him? Would we have started dating? Would I be 53 days away from my wedding right now? Possibly, but who knows.
One little choice to go out that night resulted in meeting my best friend and better half (don't tell him I called him my "better" half---you know that's going to go to his head and I'm going to hear about it for-ev-errr lol)
PS. If you want to read about our wedding plans, check out this blog post.
A few months ago, my mom, sister, and one of my bridesmaids and I were going shopping for a dress for the justice of the peace ceremony. I was expecting to go to JC Penney's or Macy's to find something simple and not too expensive, but my mom suggested we check out David's Bridal just to see what they might have. It wasn't something that I was expecting to get results out of, but we decided to check it out anyway. That day, we found not only the perfectly simple dress for the justice of the peace ceremony, but also the traditional dress for the ceremony next year with all of our friends and family--all for super cheap thanks to amazing sales and discounts. And not only that, but one of the dresses is by my dream designer and is a dress I had picked out as a favorite weeks beforehand, which just happened to be a discontinued dress that was the last one in the store and also happened to be a perfect fit without any alterations needed.
I wasn't planning to go into David's Bridal, let alone find anything there.
One little choice to check out the "maybe we'll find something" possibility ended in me finding 2 perfect dresses (side note: I only tried on 4 dresses total, and we bought 2 of them!)
Thursday will be the 4-year anniversary of when he and I met.
On Saturday I am going to my wedding dress fitting.
I could not be happier with the little choices I've made that have brought me to where I am today.
It's funny how little choices make big life changes...
Feeling very blessed this week!
Four years ago, during what would turn out to be one of the toughest times I've experienced, on a night where I wanted to just stay curled up in a blanket at the sorority house, eat junk food, and cry, my best friends convinced me to go to a sorority/fraternity social. I didn't really want to, especially because I was in the middle of a very bad breakup, but with a little "liquid courage," they got me dressed in Hawaiian clothes and out the door. I ended up having a great time, and it really got my mind off of the not-so-great things that were going on, but even better--that was the night I met my soon-to-be husband.
I almost didn't go.
What would have happened if I had stayed home. Would I have ever met him? Would we have started dating? Would I be 53 days away from my wedding right now? Possibly, but who knows.
One little choice to go out that night resulted in meeting my best friend and better half (don't tell him I called him my "better" half---you know that's going to go to his head and I'm going to hear about it for-ev-errr lol)
PS. If you want to read about our wedding plans, check out this blog post.
A few months ago, my mom, sister, and one of my bridesmaids and I were going shopping for a dress for the justice of the peace ceremony. I was expecting to go to JC Penney's or Macy's to find something simple and not too expensive, but my mom suggested we check out David's Bridal just to see what they might have. It wasn't something that I was expecting to get results out of, but we decided to check it out anyway. That day, we found not only the perfectly simple dress for the justice of the peace ceremony, but also the traditional dress for the ceremony next year with all of our friends and family--all for super cheap thanks to amazing sales and discounts. And not only that, but one of the dresses is by my dream designer and is a dress I had picked out as a favorite weeks beforehand, which just happened to be a discontinued dress that was the last one in the store and also happened to be a perfect fit without any alterations needed.
I wasn't planning to go into David's Bridal, let alone find anything there.
One little choice to check out the "maybe we'll find something" possibility ended in me finding 2 perfect dresses (side note: I only tried on 4 dresses total, and we bought 2 of them!)
Thursday will be the 4-year anniversary of when he and I met.
On Saturday I am going to my wedding dress fitting.
I could not be happier with the little choices I've made that have brought me to where I am today.
It's funny how little choices make big life changes...
Feeling very blessed this week!
Monday, August 8, 2011
Provisions
Pop Quiz: What does it mean to provide?
A) Does it mean that you get what you want when you want it, no questions asked.
B) Does it mean that what if what you want also lines up with what you need, it will happen.
C) Does it mean that what you need will come to you, but only when the time is right, and even if it's not exactly what you think you need, what you expected, or even what you wanted.
More and more, I'm feeling like it's the 3rd answer.
I routinely pray for God to provide for us in terms of jobs, living expenses, and just in general to help us keep going when we have no idea how things are going to work out. Sometimes it all happens and falls into place exactly how I have it planned out and think it should happen, but other times it feels like we're just barely getting by, and I wonder why God chooses how He provides. I know it's all part of a bigger plan, and that He has the most incredible plans for our lives, but sometimes I wonder how/why He lets things pan out the way they do and how that plays into His plan for our life. Because there are times where I look at how things are playing out and I wonder how this barely getting by at the very last minute thing is teaching us anything about God or His plan. I'm not complaining, because I know He has always provided in the past and will continue to provide as I seek Him for guidance and help, and even if it wasn't the provision I'd expected, it always worked out. But the curiosity in me wonders how and why He does what He does when He does it.
I'm continuing to thank God for all He does and all He provides and trust Him to continue providing for us, but I still wonder...
A) Does it mean that you get what you want when you want it, no questions asked.
B) Does it mean that what if what you want also lines up with what you need, it will happen.
C) Does it mean that what you need will come to you, but only when the time is right, and even if it's not exactly what you think you need, what you expected, or even what you wanted.
More and more, I'm feeling like it's the 3rd answer.
I routinely pray for God to provide for us in terms of jobs, living expenses, and just in general to help us keep going when we have no idea how things are going to work out. Sometimes it all happens and falls into place exactly how I have it planned out and think it should happen, but other times it feels like we're just barely getting by, and I wonder why God chooses how He provides. I know it's all part of a bigger plan, and that He has the most incredible plans for our lives, but sometimes I wonder how/why He lets things pan out the way they do and how that plays into His plan for our life. Because there are times where I look at how things are playing out and I wonder how this barely getting by at the very last minute thing is teaching us anything about God or His plan. I'm not complaining, because I know He has always provided in the past and will continue to provide as I seek Him for guidance and help, and even if it wasn't the provision I'd expected, it always worked out. But the curiosity in me wonders how and why He does what He does when He does it.
I'm continuing to thank God for all He does and all He provides and trust Him to continue providing for us, but I still wonder...
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
What has happened...
To our children?
I remember a time when bullying was fairly harmless and didn't make kids feel like their lives aren't worth it. I remember when kids passed notes and didn't have to use technology to talk to their friend who is sitting 10 feet away. I remember when kids were respectful and it was an oddity for a kid to be super disrespectful to an authority figure, not the norm.
Every day I'm even more amazed at the students I interact with. I realize that it's a completely different demographic than what I grew up with. But that shouldn't be an excuse for kids to say the things they say or act the way they act. I'm disheartened by what I see, and I am praying every day for restored faith in humanity and our future generations.
Pray with me.
I remember a time when bullying was fairly harmless and didn't make kids feel like their lives aren't worth it. I remember when kids passed notes and didn't have to use technology to talk to their friend who is sitting 10 feet away. I remember when kids were respectful and it was an oddity for a kid to be super disrespectful to an authority figure, not the norm.
Every day I'm even more amazed at the students I interact with. I realize that it's a completely different demographic than what I grew up with. But that shouldn't be an excuse for kids to say the things they say or act the way they act. I'm disheartened by what I see, and I am praying every day for restored faith in humanity and our future generations.
Pray with me.
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