Saturday, July 30, 2011

If you can dodge a wrench...

Sometimes life can be so overwhelming. Just when you think everything is falling perfectly into place and working out, a wrench gets thrown in that makes everything come to a grinding halt. And then what?

Grad school: I was supposed to start my Masters classes at BGSU in less than a month. I'm only taking one class per semester because of the cost, and thankfully I'd received the TEACH Grant, which would pay for that one class each semester, plus books, plus parking, and give me a little bit extra to throw in the bank. Two days ago, I hop onto the financial aid site to see when my grant would be applied only to see that BG was going to give me one-quarter of the amount I was supposed to get. That means I'd have to come up with almost $1300 out of pocket to pay for the class, the books, and my parking bueno. When I call financial aid, there is basically nothing they will do for me, which in short means I have to withdraw from the university. No Masters degree for me...yet.

Army: H is having a harder time cutting weight to get his contract than he expected, which is pushing our plans further back. He took his ASVAB and got a very high score on it, which is great, but unless he cuts his body fat down to 22%, he can't get his specific contract; he'll have to go Ranger Airborne instead, and try for it later in his career. He's been working so hard, and he's already lost so much weight and body fat! He's at the leanest I've ever seen him (my future hubby is getting so sexy!) and he's so determined, but it's almost like he's stuck at 24%. He's giving himself 2 weeks (about 10 days left as I'm writing this) to make weight, or he's going with the Ranger Airborne contract--and thus deferring his dream contract.

Teaching: Week 3 of no English teacher jobs posted on the Ohio Department of Education's website for this area. It's so frustrating to know that I'm a dedicated, compassionate, creative teacher and I can't even show districts how amazing I would be because they don't have any positions to interview for, let alone hire me to fill. Lack of teaching jobs has forced me to start applying for random full-time and part-time jobs in the area--even food service. Yes, I'm that desperate. We have bills to pay, and at this point I'll do just about anything to pay them. Note: JUST ABOUT. Like Meatloaf, I would do anything...but I won't do that. So I'm unemployed, benefitless, and more than a little stressed about bills.

On the bright side, wedding things are going okay...well, as much as you can do when you're just having a JoP wedding before the Army consumers your life and family.

Even with all of these little wrenches thrown into our plans, I'm trying so hard to stay positive and trust that God isn't leaving us, He's certainly not forsaking us, and in the end His plan is bigger than any wrench that comes our way. Trust is so hard, though. It's like trying to see the road ahead when the fog is so thick you can't even see the lines in the road. You know there's something greater up ahead, and you know that if you keep moving you'll get there eventually, but it's so easy to lose sight of it when all you can focus on are the problems and barriers that are blocking your vision at that exact moment. I'm trying to believe past the fog right now, and wait patiently for God to clear the path, but faith is a funny thing. Just when you think you can't possibly have any more of it, God gives you another reason to trust Him and keep that faith strong.

Faithfully His...

Monday, July 25, 2011

Lazy Summer

I haven't sat down and written a blog in what seems like forever. I don't mean just a little update here or there, but actually written something of substance. Although, since I really only blog for my own catharsis, do I ever really write something of substance? Hm.

Summer has just slipped by. It's been amazing to be home every day, working out 4-5 times a week, focusing on not only getting healthy but watching the weight drop down (20 lbs down, 25 lbs to go! Read about it here) on the scale and keeping myself motivated. Being home this summer has also brought H and I a million times closer. It's like as we get closer and closer to getting married and him leaving for the Army, our love develops this deepness that I can't begin to explain. I'm sure this sound ridiculously corny and silly, but it's a love I've never felt before. And as this love develops and grows, any fear or worry I have about following him into the Army melts away. I have absolutely no doubts about our life together, following him through the Army, or what the separation and deployments will bring. None. And every day I get a little more excited for what's to come next!

We recently began focusing more on wedding stuff. Even though we aren't technically engaged yet (aka. there's no ring on my finger) we still want to get things planned and ready to go for engagement/wedding stuff. We got "engagement" pictures done by a good friend of mine, and she did an amazing job! We now have beautiful pictures of us (something that is hard to find, considering H feels the need to make ridiculous faces in EVERY picture ever taken of us) which we can use for our engagement/wedding plan announcements that we plan to send out after the official proposal. We've started talking about various wedding details, too, and a few weekends ago Mom and I went out and picked out my wedding dresses (Yes, plural. One very simple one for the justice of the peace ceremony, and one fancy-shmancy one for the traditional ceremony next year. I can't even go into how much I owe my mother for this, because it's above and beyond what I could have asked for!) I know that a majority of the planning for the traditional ceremony is going to take place while he's in training, so it's nice that we can discuss and plan things together now. Yes, I suppose this is putting the cart before the horse since technically we aren't officially engaged, but at this point we know we're getting married in a few months because of the Army.

On another note, I have spent the summer looking for a job. I feel like this is deja-vu to my posts about this time last year when I didn't have a job for that school year, either. Oy. Achieve had to cut my position due to budget, but told me to call back in August to see if they were able to bring my position back. Currently, there are ZERO English positions posted on any of the 3 websites I check for teaching jobs in the Northwest Ohio area. Heck, there aren't any English teacher positions posted for this half of the state! I got contacted by a district in Toledo about applying for a position, so I did and I guess now it's a wait and see game. Trying to remember to trust God in all of this, because He still has a plan for me. I'm collecting unemployment and trying to get a part-time job as well as subbing again, but I'm still praying for a teaching job to come through. Just trying to remember: a mustard seed of faith is all it takes. I think I need to get back into reading my Bible and having my one-on-one time with God more, to continue building on that mustard seed of faith...

So that's life.
It's been a lazy summer of working out, preparing for Army life, playing with fiddler crabs, toying around with wedding stuff, and falling in love all over again, but I love very minute of it.