Little Reminders

Why is it that when the weather gets all mopey like this, it's almost like the universe decides it's the perfect time to dump every possible problem into your lap?  Not cool.

Or maybe it's just the weather making me feel like all these problems are so much bigger than they really are.

I have to say, it does feel like the world scooped up a bunch of problems and dropped them all into my lap at once.  I won't go into all of them, but it was a stressful couple days around here, let me tell you!  Yesterday, this was the verse that showed up in my daily email:  "Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything.  Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done" -Philippians 4:6

I love when God sends me little reminders :)  I've been doing a lot of praying about money/job stuff, but I forgot about the "don't worry" part.  I'm a worrier.  A grade-A first class worrier.  If it was an Olympic sport, I'd have the gold.  If I had a dollar for every time I worried...you get the idea.  But when we worry, we aren't really letting God do His thing; instead, we're second guessing (whether we mean to or not) His ability to provide and come through for us.  Yesterday, within just a few hours after reading this email and remembering that God has always and will always take care of us, things started to clear up---my 2 biggest worries were consoled and appear to be taken care of!  Can't stop being thankful for these blessings!

Today in my email, this was my message:  "Then, when you call, the Lord will answer.  'Yes, I am here' He will quickly reply" -Isaiah 58:9.   Thanks God :)

I have so many reasons to be thankful and blessed, even when it seems like everything is a mess and I have no idea how I'm going to make it through the week because of everything that's going on.  When I think about all the things that are coming in the next couple months, not to mention in the next year, I can't help but smile and realize just how blessed H and I really are.  I just have to remember to stay focused on those blessings and wonderful things to come, and remember that God is there, He's always there, and He's going to get me through the problems so I can truly enjoy the blessings!

Too blessed to be stressed!

Overwhelmed?

People always talk about how overwhelmed they are. Heck, I always talk about how overwhelmed I am! Overwhelmed with paying bills, with getting things done all in one day, with cleaning the house, with work, with family, with H--there's always something to overwhelm me, and I almost always mean it in a bad way.

Okay, maybe "bad" isn't the word I'm looking for. But 9 times out of 10, when people say "overwhelmed" they mean it in a way that isn't necessarily a good thing. Think about it. How many times have you said "ugh, I'm so overwhelmed with ______ right now!" There are those rare occasions where we say "oh my gosh, I'm so overwhelmed with joy/thankfulness/gratefulness/whatever!" But let's be honest---how often does that happen? A baby shower, a wedding shower, a wedding, a surprise party....if you're like me, that's maybe once a year...maybe.

Why can't we be more overwhelmed by good feelings and good things? Lately, I've been realizing, even when we aren't sure how we're going to pay the bills or we're struggling for something, I realize that in general, H and I are pretty blessed. God has done some amazing things for us this past year, and I know that our relationship is as strong as it is because of His blessings and love. When money is tight, somehow everything seems to work out. When life seems stressful, we realize that we have each other to rely on for support and comfort. Even the simplest little things, like laying in bed laughing at stupid jokes, is a blessing---having that perfect someone who gets you. These are the good things that I want to be overwhelmed by!

H and I are very blessed, even on the days we don't realize it. I want to be overwhelmed by the good things: the small blessings, the love, the happiness, the laughter. I want to be overwhelmed with too many true friends, with family who cares, with being in love. These are the good things that we need to remember to let ourselves become overwhelmed by! So I'm challenging myself to focus on the good overwhelmment (Is this a word? Probably not--but I'm using it anyway!) instead of the bad---I think life will look pretty great from here on out! :)

Provisions

Pop Quiz: What does it mean to provide?

A) Does it mean that you get what you want when you want it, no questions asked.
B) Does it mean that what if what you want also lines up with what you need, it will happen.
C) Does it mean that what you need will come to you, but only when the time is right, and even if it's not exactly what you think you need, what you expected, or even what you wanted.

More and more, I'm feeling like it's the 3rd answer.

I routinely pray for God to provide for us in terms of jobs, living expenses, and just in general to help us keep going when we have no idea how things are going to work out. Sometimes it all happens and falls into place exactly how I have it planned out and think it should happen, but other times it feels like we're just barely getting by, and I wonder why God chooses how He provides. I know it's all part of a bigger plan, and that He has the most incredible plans for our lives, but sometimes I wonder how/why He lets things pan out the way they do and how that plays into His plan for our life. Because there are times where I look at how things are playing out and I wonder how this barely getting by at the very last minute thing is teaching us anything about God or His plan. I'm not complaining, because I know He has always provided in the past and will continue to provide as I seek Him for guidance and help, and even if it wasn't the provision I'd expected, it always worked out. But the curiosity in me wonders how and why He does what He does when He does it.

I'm continuing to thank God for all He does and all He provides and trust Him to continue providing for us, but I still wonder...

If you can dodge a wrench...

Sometimes life can be so overwhelming. Just when you think everything is falling perfectly into place and working out, a wrench gets thrown in that makes everything come to a grinding halt. And then what?

Grad school: I was supposed to start my Masters classes at BGSU in less than a month. I'm only taking one class per semester because of the cost, and thankfully I'd received the TEACH Grant, which would pay for that one class each semester, plus books, plus parking, and give me a little bit extra to throw in the bank. Two days ago, I hop onto the financial aid site to see when my grant would be applied only to see that BG was going to give me one-quarter of the amount I was supposed to get. That means I'd have to come up with almost $1300 out of pocket to pay for the class, the books, and my parking pass...no bueno. When I call financial aid, there is basically nothing they will do for me, which in short means I have to withdraw from the university. No Masters degree for me...yet.

Army: H is having a harder time cutting weight to get his contract than he expected, which is pushing our plans further back. He took his ASVAB and got a very high score on it, which is great, but unless he cuts his body fat down to 22%, he can't get his specific contract; he'll have to go Ranger Airborne instead, and try for it later in his career. He's been working so hard, and he's already lost so much weight and body fat! He's at the leanest I've ever seen him (my future hubby is getting so sexy!) and he's so determined, but it's almost like he's stuck at 24%. He's giving himself 2 weeks (about 10 days left as I'm writing this) to make weight, or he's going with the Ranger Airborne contract--and thus deferring his dream contract.

Teaching: Week 3 of no English teacher jobs posted on the Ohio Department of Education's website for this area. It's so frustrating to know that I'm a dedicated, compassionate, creative teacher and I can't even show districts how amazing I would be because they don't have any positions to interview for, let alone hire me to fill. Lack of teaching jobs has forced me to start applying for random full-time and part-time jobs in the area--even food service. Yes, I'm that desperate. We have bills to pay, and at this point I'll do just about anything to pay them. Note: JUST ABOUT. Like Meatloaf, I would do anything...but I won't do that. So I'm unemployed, benefitless, and more than a little stressed about bills.

On the bright side, wedding things are going okay...well, as much as you can do when you're just having a JoP wedding before the Army consumers your life and family.

Even with all of these little wrenches thrown into our plans, I'm trying so hard to stay positive and trust that God isn't leaving us, He's certainly not forsaking us, and in the end His plan is bigger than any wrench that comes our way. Trust is so hard, though. It's like trying to see the road ahead when the fog is so thick you can't even see the lines in the road. You know there's something greater up ahead, and you know that if you keep moving you'll get there eventually, but it's so easy to lose sight of it when all you can focus on are the problems and barriers that are blocking your vision at that exact moment. I'm trying to believe past the fog right now, and wait patiently for God to clear the path, but faith is a funny thing. Just when you think you can't possibly have any more of it, God gives you another reason to trust Him and keep that faith strong.

Faithfully His...

Promises to Myself

This year, I'm going to try making promises to myself instead of resolutions. I hope that maybe I'll be less likely to break a promise to myself, and therefore maybe I'll actually follow through with them for an entire year!

I promise to work on improving my credit card score and being more financially stable by working on getting out of credit card debt.

I promise to treat my body better by working out and losing the 50 pounds that I've gained over the past 3 years, and to improve my self-confidence.

I promise to expand my boundaries by trying at least 1 thing every month that I've always wanted but have been afraid of trying (either a food I've been skeptical about, an activity that I'm scared of, or even an art class or something where I would normally be overly self-conscious).

I'm starting on the first one next month by starting to make double the minimum payment on my credit cards. I hate that I've got 2 credit cards (okay, one is canceled so I can't use it anymore and the other one is an AE card with a $150 limit so it's not like I'm shopping with them or anything) and that they've put me in debt, so I'm going to start trying very hard to get out of that.

Tomorrow I start my new membership at the Community Center and H and I are going to work out. I've also got a Fit Coach from WomensHealthMag.com that has set up an exercise and eating plan for me and I can't wait to start getting back in shape! I honestly feel so excited and ready to start all of this, and I am really looking forward to being able to wear my cute clothes again and feel confident about my body!

I haven't figured out what new thing to try this month yet, but I'm working on it. Last night I tried my hand at making sushi for the first time, but that wasn't really a "new" experience--H likes to make it, and we love to eat sushi so it wasn't totally new. Maybe I'll take a fitness class at the community center--normally I wouldn't because I'm too self-conscious that other people are judging me while I try to go through the class, but I think maybe that would be good for me. Get me out of my comfort zone while at the same time working on getting back in shape. Hmmm...

Hope that everyone had a great and safe New Year's Eve and that God blesses your 2011!