I'm in a total rut. It's due to roughly 3 factors. In order to better understand what those factors are and how much of an impact they have, I've made the following pie chart. Do not be deceived...although pie usually makes people happy, this chart just makes me sad:
I have to get out of this rut. It's putting stress not just on me, but on H and our relationship in general. Who wants to be around the stressed out, unhappy girl? I don't blame him for feeling like this, but I refuse to let my stress that has nothing to do with our relationship cause stress for our relationship! So here's my "Get Out Of The Rut" Plan:
Step 1: Go to the gym every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday after work, no matter how tired or stressed I am. Even if it's just doing a few laps around the track and lifting the free weights, I'm going to the gym. It makes me feel better, it's good for me, and it's something fun that H and I can do together.
Step 2: Eat healthy again. You are what you eat. If I eat crap, I feel like crap. So no more crappy cafeteria lunches, no more fast food runs, and no more boxed mac n cheese, no matter how PMSie I feel.
Step 3: Get out of the house! I think sitting around the house is giving me cabin fever. I need to get out, even if it's just for walks around the block after dinner or going to the sorority house to visit friends for a little while. I can't be cooped up in here every day anymore--it's driving me crazy.
Step 4: Pray. We've gotten out of the habit of praying together before bed, and I think that it's reflecting in our relationship and in my mood. A lot of this stuff with work has caused me to question what exactly God's plan is and why He's put me here where I feel so abandoned, and admittedly I've stopped talking to God as much as I used to. I'm not losing my faith by any means, but I feel distant from Him and I don't like it. I want to put Him back at the center of my faith and my relationship with H again, where He belongs.
Plan starts immediately. I can't take one more minute of feeling like this. I'm tired of crying and wondering what's going on and why I feel this way. I'm tired of seeing H become stressed out because of my own mood and stress. And I refuse to let any more of this stress continue to keep H and I in a rut. So it starts now.
Nothing can steal my joy if I won't let it, and from now on I won't let it.
March is almost here. This is good for a few reasons.
#1: That means only 3 more months of teaching!
#2: Spring break is coming up, which means a week of relaxing (although SB is in April for me now that I teach high school...but March means it's getting close!)
#3: Spring is right around the corner :)
I'm sooooo ready for March. I'm ready for the weather to start to clear up a bit, for the sun and the birds and to see the ground again as the snow melts away. I'm also ready for some intense spring cleaning. Our place isn't a mess or anything, but we could use some reorganization around here. Clutter tends to give me anxiety, and the clutter around here has managed to pile up over the past 7 months. March brings spring cleaning, and I'm going to become a cleaning fiend.
Here's my list:
Clean out the livingroom closet
Clean out the hall closet
Clean out our bedroom closet
Organize the top of the fridge
Organize the bookcase in the livingroom
The last two of these will probably get done this week (or at least started) since my mom, sister, and nephew are coming up on Saturday and I'd like the house to look mildly organized. But I'm starting to feel the spring cleaning bug and wanting to start organizing--now if only I can get H on board... :)
I'm so over this snow. All week, it was warm and sunny (and by warm, I mean 50 degrees which is incredibly warm for Ohio in February) and it seriously made my s.a.d. feel much better--I knew it wouldn't stay, but I was hopeful. It felt good to feel like that again. Not that I'm depressed at all, but I definitely get the "winter blues," especially when things like work are so stressful; the sunshine and warm weather was such an uplifting feeling.
H and I had date night last night for his birthday (which was Wednesday) and it was so nice to get out of the house and do some fun things together. We went to the Toledo Museum of Art and took a glass class, where we made glass flowers together. It was something we'd been talking about wanting to do for a few years, so for a birthday present surprise I took him to the class. It was a lot of fun, and it was great to try something new together. For dinner we went to The Melting Pot, which is this really awesome fondue place where we had cheese fondue with chips, veggies and bread, a wine fondue with steak, chicken, shrimp, lobster, and duck, and a white chocolate and amaretto fondue with cake, brownies, and fruit. It was amazing, and it was an interactive dinner which was really cool. It was so wonderful to get out of our normal routine and try new things together--I love when we do that because it's a great bonding experience for us, and it gets us out of our normal rut. Plus, I think we needed a romantic night out---sometimes life around here gets boring, and we need new things to keep us going :)
I'm ready for Spring. I'm ready to not be cooped up in the house every evening because it's too cold to go for walks or go to the park. I'm ready to be able to keep the windows open and feel the breeze (and not have to be under a blanket because it's too cold). I want to drive with my windows down or the sun roof open and not have to have the heat on to balance it out. And I want the sunshine to be a regular occurrence again. Where-oh-where is Spring?!
Okay, so I feel like maybe the doctor's office was productive for two reasons today.
First of all, we've got a plan of attack for the migraine thing. I've got a prescription for Imetrex and I'm getting a C.A.T. scan at some point in the next month or two to make sure that I don't have a brain tumor or something. If I do, it's completely my little sister's fault--I've been telling her for years that her talking was giving me a tumor ;) So prayers that this works and that the scan comes back clean.
Second, they made me get on a scale. Not pleased. The number hasn't changed (my fault for not being as hard working as I should be lately) and it's frustrating. I have 10 months to lose 50 pounds. I'm going to do it! I just HAVE to stay focused!
Alright. Here's hoping the changes I need (no more migraines, no more overweight) will be coming soon.
I've been getting migraines once or twice a month for probably the past 6-8 months. On my list of "Most Not-Fun Things to Experience," migraines rank #3 (just below the week-long stomach flu of Christmas 2009 and getting your fingernail ripped out, circa 2003) For the past 3-4 weeks I've had stress/tension headaches pretty much every day.
Yesterday, around lunchtime, I started getting what I thought was one of my daily headaches. I took a couple Tylenol, like I always do, and waited for it to go away. 3 hours later, it had gone from a headache to the start of a migraine. Sidenote: I can tell when it's going to be a migraine. The pressure usually starts in the lower part of my forehead and moves pretty quickly to the back of my head and into my neck and shoulders. I'm sensitive to bright light, and I usually feel nauseous within an hour or two of it becoming a full-blown migraine. End sidenote. Generally, I take some extra-strength Tylenol, go to sleep, and it's gone but this time that wasn't even close to the case. I woke up a few different times during the early morning to get sick from this migraine, and when I got to school my principal sent me home after taking one look at me. Her exact words were "Arbaugh, you're pale and in pain. Go home."
I'm not sure if maybe this one was more extreme because it built off of these daily tension headaches, or if they are just starting to escalate. But no matter what it is, I do not want another one like this. So tomorrow after work I will be going to see the doctor and hopefully getting something to help out. I'll keep you updated.
Well hello there. It's been a while since I've updated, simply because nothing that exciting has been going on around here. Last week, the "snowpocalypse" hit us, and I had snow days on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. It was so wonderful to sit around the apartment with H and having some free time to just relax and hangout together. I know that having 3 days off last week, then one day of work, and then 2 days off (for the weekend) is going to make having 5 consecutive days of teaching seem like forever! But I just keep telling myself that it's only a few months until summer and then I can enjoy vacation and starting grad school!
My application for grad school is all in, and now it's a waiting game. I don't know if the director of the special education graduate program will call me in for an interview or not, but I'm excited for hopefully being able to start the program this summer! Yay for new adventures.
Other than that, not much else is going on. Have to get my bumper fixed after getting in a fight with a mound of frozen snow/ice. Thank goodness for insurance! My sister and nephew are doing great. She's adjusting to being a new mom, and he's healthy and happy (and incredibly lovable and handsome!!). She's going back to school at the end of the month, but she's had a tutor coming to the house almost every day and she's doing better with school now than she was before she had Carter. Hopefully, the family will be coming up to visit the last weekend in February so I can see them all.
Oh! And if you're looking for some free stuff, go check out the giveaway my friend from high school is doing on her blog: Our Little LIfesicle
Kaleigh is a wonderful woman, wife, and mother, and while you're there reading and entering the giveaway, make sure to vote for her blog (click the brown banner at the bottom of any post and vote!)