Sunday, October 31, 2010

I love college.

I realized tonight that there were a lot of things in college that I took advantage of, that I now would KILL to get back. So here's my list:

-Sunday night sorority chapter meetings. I hated these, because I had to get dressed up, walk across campus in the cold, and sit through a business meeting. Now, I wish that my Sunday evenings were spent talking to my sisters and best friends, and that it was the only day during the week that I had to actually get dressed up. As much as the business aspect of it sucked, seeing groups of girls laughing while walking to Olscamp for chapter makes a little part of me jealous.

-9am classes. Another thing that I hated at the time, but if I could sleep in until 830 and get away with going to work in my sweats like I did for 9am classes, I would be in heaven. And along those lines...

-Living on campus. Okay, so living in the dorms legitimately sucks and I DO NOT miss that, I do miss living at the sorority house. Yes, sharing a bathroom with 7 other girls is rough at times, and the quiet hours were a pain in the butt, but having your best friends right there all the time, having 12 other closets to share, waking up to homecooked meals every day, and being literally a 5 minute walk away from class every day was like a perfect life.

-Only having to go to class/work for like 4 hours a day. Does this one really need an explanation?

-Being able to procrastinate until Sunday afternoon and still being able to get things done. I half-butted (for lack of a better term...) my way through most of my college classes and always had A's and B's. In the real world, they tend to notice that kind of stuff when they are paying your salary. So procrastinating till the day before and only giving 50% effort doesn't really cut it anymore.

-Sweatpants Monday through Friday. I literally lived in sweatpants/athletic shorts and hoodies/t-shirts all the way through college. I would wear them to class basically every day. Now I have to put on dress clothes and look nice Monday through Friday--which is totally over-rated. I wish I could totally show up to teach in sweats everyday; sometimes I feel like being an adult makes me neglect my comfy clothes, and they miss me. Being an adult makes me a neglectful sweatpants owner.

I was so eager to get out of college and start my adult life.
Now I wish I could be in college for a little longer...

Kiddies and Costumes

I'm having major baby-fever. Between my sister having a baby, and a lot of my friends and their husbands having babies, it's throwing my motherly-drive into high gear. And it's terrible, because H and I aren't financially ready to have a baby yet. We've talked about it, and we don't plan to start our family until we're married and he's got a steady income from the Army; it's just makes sense to do it that way. But every time I see a baby at the store, or look through a friend's baby photos on Facebook, or read a friend's baby blog, it makes me wish that we could start now. I'm 24 and in a stable job, I'm with the man I'm going to marry and we already know we want children together. I'm at a place in my life where I'm ready--but it's just going to have to hold off for a couple of years. I know that I'm born to be a mother; it's in my genes, and even H can see it. Which is probably why I've got major baby-fever right now. For now, I'll just have to suffice by babysitting my soon-to-be-born nephew! Can't wait to be an aunt!

Halloween for us was a lot of fun! Friday night, H and I went as Peter Griffin and Lois Griffin. H's costume turned out great, and mine was good except for the hair. I bought a cheap orange wig from Walmart, but it looked awful and totally ruined the costume. I ended up getting the orange hair spray stuff, but with my hair being so dark, it didn't show up very well unless I was in direct light. Overall, though, it was a very cute couples costume. Last night, we went in our legit costumes: H was a lumberjack (he's been growing out his beard and hair for 2 months to prepare for the costume) and I went as a ladybug. H even had an axe that I made out of a real axe handle and some aluminum foil. Our costumes turned out really good, and we both got a lot of compliments on them. Plus, it was nice to go hang our with our friends and have a good time. We haven't gone out to see them very much lately, just because of me being exhausted from work and H being busy with school stuff. But last night we got to see them and catch up and just enjoy having a fun Saturday night out. Hopefully we can do that more often!

Truth Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like poopy.
See Day 4 Truth: Someone you need to forgive.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Catching up on truths

Sorry, this week has been HECTIC--must be a full moon or something, because my students have been outrageous! So I'm using this post to catch up on my missed "truth" posts.

Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
I can think of a few things that I need to forgive myself for, things that I think about once in a while and get down about. I think the number one thing I need to forgive myself for is how I treated my family when I was younger, especially in middle school and high school. I am so close to my parents and my sister now, but that wasn't always the case. I still have so many regrets about how I acted and how I mistreated them, and I know that I can never make up for that. It breaks my heart that I behaved that way, and I honestly don't know if I will ever be able to truly forgive myself for that.

Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.
I still have so much hurt from my previous long-term relationship. I'm hurt that I was talked down to and often made to feel unimportant. I'm hurt that he never really showed his affection or care for me. And I'm hurt that he ever thought it would be okay to do that to me.

Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.
I hope that one day I can be an amazing mother and wife. I know that probably makes a lot of feminists upset--that I'm hoping to be a stereotypical version of what society has always wanted women to do. But I don't care. I know that I was born to be a wife and mother, and I can not wait until the day that I get to sit with my husband and hold our brand new baby. I can't wait to raise that baby, to go on field trips and play dates and go to their games (you know my kids will play sports! lol). And I can't wait to fall asleep next to the man I love and wake up next to him every day (okay, so I'm already blessed enough to get to do that!) and to make millions of memories together. I hope that I can be as amazing a mom and wife as my mom has been.

Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.
I hope that I never have to experience the pain of burying my child. I can't even begin to imagine what that would feel like, I hope and pray that I never have to deal with that.

Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Just one person? Impossible. Off the top of my head, I can immediately think of 6 people who have made my life worth living for (and the 7th will be added in January when my nephew is born). My mom and dad (who I loving call Momma and Fashja) have made my life worth living for because I can't imagine who I would be without their love and support as I was growing up. My sister is worth living for because she is my sister and my best friend, and while she has made my life crazy at times, I can't imagine growing up without her. My 2 best friends, who I grew up with, have been there for me through so many things, and without them I don't know how I would have survived so many different experiences! And of course H... <3Photobucket

Monday, October 25, 2010

This Isn't What I'd Expected

My first year of teaching isn't quite turning out the way I had expected. I don't want to say it's ruining my first year of teaching, but it's been quite a learning experience and I think it's taught me a lot about what I'm looking for in a school district for next year. I'm continuing to trust God that He has a reason for me to be here, but every day it's so much harder to actually get out of my car once I'm in the school parking lot. I love my career, just not my job right now. God will get me through it, though, and I'll be a better teacher because of it.

On to day 2 of truth.
{2. Something you love about yourself}
I don't have the highest self-esteem, so sometimes finding something I love about myself can be hard. But I love my personality. I love that no matter how old I get, I'm still a kid at heart. I look for the fun and excitement in even the smallest places, and I love to laugh and enjoy life. I honestly hope that I never lose that ability, because life is too short and harsh in the first place than to take it seriously all the time. My youth pastor once told me "just because you have to get old doesn't mean you have to grow up" and I've taken that statement to heart. I hope to always have a child-like point of view (and faith!) no matter how old I am! (And I love that I have a future husband who has the same personality as me!)

Sunday, October 24, 2010

30 Days of Truth: Day 1

So apparently there is a thing going around the blogosphere to have people posting 30 different truths about themselves, one each day. I think I'm going to try it. I'll only post the full list once, but each day I'll start my post with the specific truth. Here's the full list:

Day 1: Something you hate about yourself.
Day 2: Something you love about yourself.
Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like poopy.
Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough days. (write a letter.)
Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

Something I hate about myself (although I prefer the term "don't like" instead of hate, because I'd love to believe that there's nothing about myself that I truly hate) would be my need to question and worry about things. I'm not a pessimistic person, and that's not what I mean by this. However, I usually feel the need to play out every possible scenario, good or bad, and worry about all the "what-ifs." There are times when doing that makes me feel more prepared for what could happen, and times when it drives me crazy because it's like I can't shut my mind down. I know it drives the people around me crazy (H especially!) but it's how I handle situations. I'm a worrier, and I'll probably always be one. I just wish sometimes I didn't have to do it for every little thing...


Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Autumn blessings

I love this time of year for so many reasons, but especially the weather and the colors. It's beautiful outside, it's perfect sweater weather, and there are so many fun fall activities to go do! H and I have been enjoying spending our weekends together, going out and having Fall fun. A few weekends ago we went to the Grand Rapids Applebutter Fest with a few of my friends from work. It was an absolutely gorgeous day (but a little warmer than we expected for October) and it definitely put us in the Fall mood! Last weekend we went to watch JJ and Jaxson play soccer and it was gorgeous--the drive there was out in the country and the leaves were so colorful. It's been great to enjoy the weather, spend time with friends, and to just enjoy being together.

Work has been a little rough. I'm finally adjusted to working such long days, but the kids have been absolutely chaotic lately (it's like there's a permanent full moon!) and my patience is wearing thin. I'm so discouraged by their lack of respect, not only for me but for each other and for their own education, and some days it's so hard to be excited about working. I've been listening to KLOVE radio on the way to work to put me in a positive mood and to spend some time with God to start my day. I can definitely feel Him working in my spirit and making me feel more uplifted when I get to work. Everyone around me seems to be so negative about things all the time, and I can't bear it; I need God's positive spirit and encouragement to withstand it all and to keep me going every day. Thankfully, my work BFF, Alysia, has been so wonderful to talk to and to be a true confidant at work. Some days, I honestly don't know what I'd do without her! I've also started praying in my classroom in the morning, not just for me but also for the kids and for God's spirit to be in my classroom all day. I can feel things changing, and I am so thankful to have God's presence in my life to get me through things.

The family is doing well. Mindy and Carter are both healthy and growing strong. She hasn't put on as much weight with him as I would have expected, but she definitely has a cute belly that I love to talk to. I'm so excited to be an aunt! Mom and Dad are both doing well, too. They are going to make the most amazing grandparents, and I can't wait to see how much Dad's heart melts when he first holds Carter! (Although if he cries, I know I will too lol) Her baby shower is coming up, and I can't wait to see all the wonderful things that she gets---Carter is going to be one lucky little boy to be surrounded by so many people who love him! It makes me feel so good to know that H and I will have that same kind of love and support when we start our own family (well a family that consists of more than a few lizards, a snake, and a fish).

Speaking of our own family, I can honestly say that H and I have grown so much closer since moving in together. We talk more, we pray together, and I have learned to appreciate him for so many little things that he does to take care of me. It is such a blessing to have him in my life, and I'm so happy this is the man God has chosen for me to spend my life with. I am also so incredibly proud to be marrying a man who is going to honor our country by serving in the United States Army. I don't care how crazy it's going to make our lives, I wouldn't dream of changing that plan in a heartbeat. I am absolutely willing to sacrifice my own desires to follow the path that God is leading us down, even if that means PCSing every 3 years to a new base, spending more time away from my husband than with him, and moving hundreds of miles away from my family. I truly believe that this is God's plan for us, and I'm willing to follow it--mainly because He definitely knows what's best for us, but also because that's what you do for love. I can't wait to marry this man and start our family!

So overall, life is good. This Autumn has brought about so many blessings and so many things to be thankful for, and it's been wonderful. And while I've been super exhausted from work, I can honestly say that this is an amazing time in my life. Maybe being an adult isn't so bad, especially when you have God's blessings to look forward to!


What has happened...

To our children?

I remember a time when bullying was fairly harmless and didn't make kids feel like their lives aren't worth it. I remember when kids passed notes and didn't have to use technology to talk to their friend who is sitting 10 feet away. I remember when kids were respectful and it was an oddity for a kid to be super disrespectful to an authority figure, not the norm.

Every day I'm even more amazed at the students I interact with. I realize that it's a completely different demographic than what I grew up with. But that shouldn't be an excuse for kids to say the things they say or act the way they act. I'm disheartened by what I see, and I am praying every day for restored faith in humanity and our future generations.

Pray with me.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Our hearts desires (even if we avoid them!)

Every morning on my way to work, I listen to KLove Radio (a fabulous Christian station we get in Toledo--but it's actually a national station. Check it out here) which puts me in a very positive and spirit-filled place. I love this station, and often God speaks to me by what the DJ's are talking about or the songs they play (always seem to come at just the right time...)

On Wednesday, one of the DJ's said something about how God knows the desires of our hearts, even if we don't want to admit that's our desire. Oh how true that is!! I spent months trying to tell myself that I didn't love H and that I didn't want to be with him anymore. I pushed him as far out of my mind (and my heart, so I thought) as I possibly could just so that I could try to move on with my life and see what God had in store for me. But He knew the desires of my heart, even when I didn't want to admit them or tried to push them away from me, and His plan was to bring us back together when the timing was perfect.

It makes me laugh when I think about it. I mean, I honestly can not imagine my life with anyone else. As silly and cheesy as it sounds, it's very true. And no matter how complicated the Army may make our future together, I will never give up our relationship or love for him because God never gave up on it. He truly has blessed us and brought us together, and why should I ever worry or want to give that up? If God is for us, who/what do we need to fear? Nothing, not even the Army or deployment or long periods apart. God is so amazing!