Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Skinny Me: Day One!

Ugh, I have never felt so overwhelmingly discouraged about my weight. It's gotten so bad--I've gained 35 pounds in about 2 1/2 years... I look at pictures of myself from fall 2007 and I don't know what I feel more of: frustration that I've let myself get like this, discouragement that I can't seem to drop the weight again, or encouragement to lose it all and look hot again (although I get the feeling it's less of the third option, or else I'd be svelt again). I've always had a bit of a weight issue, but during my junior year of college I REALLY cracked down and dropped almost 35 pounds, and was the skinniest I've been in years. It felt good-- no, actually it felt GREAT! I felt good in everything I wore, I could go out and feel confident, and I was wearing a bikini for the first time since I was like 5! And then I got comfortable in a relationship and we went out to eat a lot (thanks, Chipotle, I totally owe you for these awesome love-handles you provided me with...) and next thing I know, I've got from a size 8 to a size 14. This sucks. A lot.

I've tried a lot over the past few months to find an eating routine or a workout plan that I can stick to, but nothing seems to stay for longer than about a week. I get discouraged quickly, and I make excuses about why I need to cheat, and in the end I give up. It's a bad, bad cycle that I've gotten myself into and seem to be unable to get out of. I've shared this concern with H a lot, and he feels that he needs to lose some weight this summer, especially to get into Army shape. Nutrition is something big that he likes to research on (such a biology major/nerd) so he put together a great workout and eating plan for the both of us for this summer. Hopefully, it's one I can stick to! It involves getting the majority of processed foods out of my system, eating smaller meals that are built around protein that will help build muscle and burn fat, and doing workouts that challenge all the muscles in my body--granted, that workout title involves the word "evil" but maybe that's what I need to kick my butt into gear! He swears I'll be addicted to the workout in just about a week, when I can feel the results.

So today was day one. I immediately got frustrated with the workout because I felt like it wasn't actually going to be doing me any good since I wasn't using much weight and because the online videos wouldn't load, so I had no idea how to even do the exercises. I called H, almost in tears, because I know that if I can't even get through day 1, there's no way I'll make it through the summer. After calming down, he went out of his way to help me understand each video, and then proceeded to send me notes of encouragement to keep me going. So I made it through my first workout! It ended up being a little harder than I expected, but not so hard that I felt like I needed to give up after one set--in fact, I made it through all 5 sets! I'm really actually feeling encouraged by that, so maybe this will work out. It also helps to know that H is also doing the workouts, too, so I'm not totally alone in this. Maybe doing this together (well, not physically, since we're currently 3 hours apart, and after next week it'll still be 1 hour apart) will bring us closer and help us strengthen our relationship; the family who gets in shape together stays together? Hahaha! I hope so!

I just need to know that I can stick to this, even when it gets discouraging. I know once I see some progress (dropping a few pounds, feeling healthier, etc.) then I'll keep going with it. It's just getting to that progress that sucks...

I just want to feel confident again!!

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