Monday, May 17, 2010

Running in Circles

It's funny how sometimes God lets you run around trying to figure things out on your own, when in reality you're running in a circle and you'll end up right back exactly where God wanted you in the first place.

For instance, all of this nonsense about me worrying about what's going to happen with a job in the fall and where my life is headed. I started out a few months ago firmly following the statement of "Possessing the promises of God begins with the unshakable certainty that God will never forget what He has promised you." I love that quote because it reminds me of 2 things: 1) God has promised me an amazing future and plan for my life; and 2) that He won't forget about that promise IF I firmly believe that He will come through. I gotta hold up my end of the bargain, because why would God want to bless me with these amazing things He's promised me if I don't have faith that He will?

Well, I haven't really been keeping up my end of the bargain lately. Unshakable certainty has been more like luke-warm hope, and that's not what He's asking for. He's asking me to have undeniable faith in His word and promise to me (Oh hey there Blind Faith...we meet again) and I've really been struggling with it. I've got family and friends constantly telling me to have faith and pray because God will come through, but it's going in one ear and out the other. Until yesterday. At my mom's church, a woman who I have never met before or talked to came up to me after the service and introduced herself. She said "I know we've never met, and I don't even know your name, but God has been talking to my heart all through this service and he wants me to tell you something. God has an amazing plan for your life, and he wants you to remember that." My jaw could have hit the floor. How did this woman, who I have never even seen at this church before (although I haven't really been there since I was home for she could be new) know that I needed to hear that exact message? It's got to be God, without a doubt.

It just meant a lot more coming from this woman who I didn't know. I know my friends and family are always going to say things like "have hope!" and "keep praying, it'll happen!" because they support me and that's what they do (not that there is anything wrong with that, but after a while you start to wonder what's genuine and what's said out of obligation or to make you feel better) but this woman had nothing to gain from saying this to me. And because there was no motivation beyond "God wants me to tell you this," I felt like it meant so much more (sorry to my friends and family who read this; I hope you can understand what I mean here-- I honestly do appreciate everything you say and do in support of me!) to hear it from this complete stranger, especially because if God has started to use other people who I don't even know to talk to me, His message is probably pretty important.

So once again, I was reminded of this promise from God. And as I'm driving to Parma last night to visit H, I have my usual "long car ride talk with God" (I like the privacy of talking to God in my car-- we have some great conversations on long car rides). And He gave me the revelation that I need to just have that blind faith, that unshakable certainty that He hasn't forgotten what He has promised me and that He's working on His plan for my life if I would just trust Him and let Him do it in His own time. He doesn't want me to sit and worry and doubt and question, He wants me to just believe without doubt that He is taking care of me. Which is what I was trying to do just a few months ago.

I totally came full circle on this one after running around like a chicken with my head cut off, all thanks to a stranger at church who God used to talk to me.

So. Now I'm just going to do my best not to worry or doubt, because God really is going to take care of me and open the next door of my life and my future. And all I had to do was run in circles for a while while I waited for God to show me this.

Totally worth the exercise. :)

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