Well, I haven't given up yet! I actually feel really good after today's workout. Yesterday, I woke up so sore from working out the day before, but today I woke up feeling good. I didn't hurt as bad, and I was actually looking forward to working out today. I did my Cosgrove circuit (7 exercises done right after each other for 1 circuit, and you do one less rep of each exercise each time you do the circuit until you're down to 1 rep) and then moved into my abs exercises, which I did as a circuit today, too. I was sweaty and hurting by the end of my workout today, but I guess that's how you know you've actually done something productive with a workout! :)
So today, I got up, did my exercises, and then decided to go pick up a few groceries so that I can start making healthier meals. I'm eating 5 to 6 smaller meals a day instead of 3 bigger ones so that it keeps my metabolism going. I'm also trying to include more protein and less processed foods into my diet (good bye fast food, tv dinners, pizza, and all my favorite sweet treats...but hello skinny me!) so I needed to pick up a few things to eat. I got turkey bacon, fresh veggies, low-fat cheese, yogurt, fruit, and whole wheat bread. After day 3 of working out and picking up some yummy, healthy foods, I'm feeling really good about all of this! I'm not giving up yet! Just need people to keep encouraging me on a daily basis so that I feel like I can do this.
On a side note, I still haven't heard anything back about any teaching jobs. I checked the Ohio Department of Education website today for new job postings from all over the state, but it seems like no one needs a high school English teacher right now. I'm still waiting to hear back about Fostoria, but right now that all seems to hinge on the retirement of another teacher. I know it's still early, and most schools don't require you to put in a notice that they aren't returning until mid-May anyway, so there is still time. I'm just really worried about not finding a placement for the fall. And for some reason, I haven't been relying on faith as much as I had been a few months ago. It's like I need a faith-check for all of this. I know that God will provide for me (Jehovah Jireh - God provides) and that in the end, He will put me exactly where I'm meant to be. But right now, I'm just really having a hard time connecting with God on that level. In fact, I'm having a hard time connecting with God on a deeper level, period. I don't feel like I'm getting further from God, I just feel like I'm having a hard time getting closer. It's like I was on fire for Him and I run fast enough to be closer to Him, and then all of a sudden *BOOM* I hit a wall and I can't get past it. So how do I break down that wall? How do I get past it and move closer to Him? Again, I don't feel like I'm further from Him or that I'm moving away from Him, but I feel like I'm running in place right now.
God, I need to be closer to you. I won't be satisfied with running in place and watching You from afar. Help me focus on breaking down this wall and being even deeper in Your presence. Don't let me forget that You have a greater plan for me, and that everything will work out according to that plan, and that as long as I commit myself to following Your ways and seeking out Your presence, You will fulfill that plan. Thank you for all the blessings that you have given me and that you have transformed me into a strong woman of faith. Continue to develop and grow that faith within me. Amen.