I'm really struggling with the concept of "trust" lately. Not so much with God, more-so with people. Specifically, with H. Which, I guess when you look at it, is trusting God in a round-about way...?
I have zero doubt that God brought H and I back together. But because of how things have happened for H and I over the past 2 1/2 years, I really struggle with trusting him. (note: this is not meaning that I don't trust him to be honest with me, or to be faithful to me, or anything like that.) I have trusted him with my heart 2 other times in the past, and that has gotten me hurt both times. I am so afraid to trust him with my heart a third time, so while we have been working through relationship things over the past month, I still have a lot of walls up to protect myself. It's an awful feeling! I hate that the man who I consider my best friend, the one who I love and want to spend my future with, I can't seem to trust completely or let my guard down around when it comes to love. It's so frustrating and I don't know how to get over it.
And then I look at it this way: If God brought us back together, and I am having doubts with trust, am I doubting what God has done or doubting God altogether? Which makes me feel even worse!
Here's what I know:
-I want to spend my future with H
-God has brought H and I back together because of my trust in Him and my desire to follow His will in my life
-I need Him to teach me how to trust and to heal my heart from all of the baggage that H and I now carry
God, please teach me how to trust. Open up my heart again and let me realize that if it's in Your hands (which I know it is) I don't have to worry about it because I know that you're taking care of it. Don't let me doubt the amazing things you have done in my life, or the things that you have blessed me with. Please continue to bring H and I closer together and work us through all of our relationship needs. Make our relationship foundation built in You and You alone, and remind me daily (or hourly, if needed!) that I've let go, so now it's time to let You do your thing! Thank you for all the blessings you've given me, and for bringing H back into my life. Teach me how to trust and heal my heart again. Amen.