Blessings

Above: Me and Jax
Below: JJ and me

Went out to Elmore last night to hang out with friends of mine, Julie and Jason. They have the 2 cutest little boys in the entire world, and their entire family (extended included) are like my second family-- my family away from home. I met them through my best friend Jessie, who married Julie's brother, and 3 years later I'm part of the family! They are great people, and it's wonderful to have them in my life. Good friends are such a blessing, and make life so much better!

Every once in a while, it's like God reminds me of all the small things that are actually the biggest blessings. Things like having a great roommate like Melinda who I can just sit and watch daytime TV with and talk to about everything without judgment; friends like Julie, Jason, Jessie, and Jeff who I don't get to see as much as I would like, but who make my time with them so much more wonderful; having a boyfriend who I can truly say is my best friend; family who means the world to me and who supports me in absolutely everything I do; and even just a gorgeous spring day with nothing to do but enjoy being in His presence.

Life is good, and I am one lucky girl.

Army Strong

For those of you who haven't heard, H has decided to join the Army. Surprisingly, I'm okay with it. Probably more than I ever thought I would be... Let's rewind:

-2007: H and I meet and he spends the next few months getting me acquainted with his "12-year-old dream" of becoming an Army sniper. At first, I thought it was such a typical boy thing that he wanted to play soldier for the rest of his life. I didn't have anyone close to me in the military besides my cousin Wendy who is in the Navy, and I didn't know much about any of it besides that soldiers die.

-2008: As we continue to date and get closer and more serious, I realize how serious he actually is about wanting to join the Army one day. Again, I still don't know very much about it at all, but I'm not too keen on the idea of him going. While we don't totally know how serious this relationship is headed, I still fear the idea of losing him in battle and believe that being a soldier is for everyone except my boyfriend. I totally support the troops, please don't get me wrong, but the idea of being with a soldier and having the Army-spouse life and the potential for him to die overseas scared the living daylights out of me! I told him that I didn't want him to join the Army because it scared me-- I know that's really selfish of me, to stifle a childhood dream like that, but it just scared me so much to think of him dying and losing him that I didn't want him to join. Plus, he was still in school so I didn't think I needed to worry about it too much.

-2009-Present: My brother JP (H's best friend) leaves for basic training and then OCS (officer candidate school) in June, and he begins to replant the Army-bug in H's ear. When H and I go through a break-up and then a make-up, I begin to realize that maybe the best thing for him is to finish college and join the Army, where he can not only follow his childhood dream but also find some financial help for after college and a real focus for his future. Of course JP has been feeding me massive amounts of information about the Army (both good and bad) and I begin to do some of my own research. As much as it kills me to admit that, I realize that maybe the Army would be good for him, and eventually good for our future together.

The Army is going to do a lot of good for him, and as much as it's going to be a really intense and hard at times for us, I fully support his choice to join. He'll be graduating from college first, and then heading down to basic as an enlisted soldier. He'll be leaving in January-ish 2012, so at least we have a lot of time together first. The discussion of everything from the Army to our future has been intense over the past 2 weeks, but it's bringing us closer together and making us do a lot of planning and realizing about everything. I'm finding a lot of support from my friends who are already Army wives/fiances/girlfriends, too, which has been so great. Maybe it seems silly that I'm starting to look at this kind of stuff now, but we realize that we plan to be married before he gets stationed on a post so that I can move with him, and that's roughly 2 years from this summer, so I want to know as much about it as I can before we go in. There are a lot of great resources out there, including his recruiting officer, Sgt Aubrey, and we're going to use them all to find out as much as we can about what we're getting into. While times will get rough, and there will be days that I question why I chose to support this choice, I will NEVER stop supporting H or the troops-- I am in this 110% for as long as he needs me.

We've got a long and interesting road ahead of us, but we're both trusting God to get us through this and keep us strong. If there was ever a need for blind faith, this is it!! So this blog has now become not only my ramblings on my journey of faith, but also on how that faith is involved in my new road to becoming an Army wife!

Home-baked Memories

Grammy's Oatmeal Cookies...

Best thing to make when I'm feeling homesick and having an "I miss Grammy" day. Makes me miss being a little girl and running into Grammy's kitchen, opening up the old red Tupperware container on her counter, and grabbing a few oatmeal cookies before running outside to play. Some of the best memories came from Grammy's house.

"Love you dearly..."

Let Go, and Let God

I'm really struggling with the concept of "trust" lately. Not so much with God, more-so with people. Specifically, with H. Which, I guess when you look at it, is trusting God in a round-about way...?

I have zero doubt that God brought H and I back together. But because of how things have happened for H and I over the past 2 1/2 years, I really struggle with trusting him. (note: this is not meaning that I don't trust him to be honest with me, or to be faithful to me, or anything like that.) I have trusted him with my heart 2 other times in the past, and that has gotten me hurt both times. I am so afraid to trust him with my heart a third time, so while we have been working through relationship things over the past month, I still have a lot of walls up to protect myself. It's an awful feeling! I hate that the man who I consider my best friend, the one who I love and want to spend my future with, I can't seem to trust completely or let my guard down around when it comes to love. It's so frustrating and I don't know how to get over it.

And then I look at it this way: If God brought us back together, and I am having doubts with trust, am I doubting what God has done or doubting God altogether? Which makes me feel even worse!

Here's what I know:
-I want to spend my future with H
-God has brought H and I back together because of my trust in Him and my desire to follow His will in my life
-I need Him to teach me how to trust and to heal my heart from all of the baggage that H and I now carry

God, please teach me how to trust. Open up my heart again and let me realize that if it's in Your hands (which I know it is) I don't have to worry about it because I know that you're taking care of it. Don't let me doubt the amazing things you have done in my life, or the things that you have blessed me with. Please continue to bring H and I closer together and work us through all of our relationship needs. Make our relationship foundation built in You and You alone, and remind me daily (or hourly, if needed!) that I've let go, so now it's time to let You do your thing! Thank you for all the blessings you've given me, and for bringing H back into my life. Teach me how to trust and heal my heart again. Amen.

Dance Marathon 2010 - For The Kids!

This past weekend was Dance Marathon 2010 at BGSU. For those who aren't familiar with Dance Marathon (or DM as it's better known on campus), here's a quick synopsis: Dance Marathon at Bowling Green, it is a philanthropic event on an enormous scale to benefit ill or injured children at the Mercy Children's Hospital in Toledo via the Children's Miracle Network. Dance Marathon is run entirely by college students nationwide to benefit local children's hospitals, and Bowling Green State University is proud to have one of the largest and most active Dance Marathon organizations in the nation. Students volunteer to dance for 32 hours straight without sleep or sitting down, morale those who are dancing by bringing them comfort or entertainment things/snacks/walking with them/giving them back and foot rubs, bike 160 miles from Cincinnati, or participate as a Steering or Core Committee member in the planning and execution of the event. Basically, it's kind of a big deal. (read more at BGDanceMarathon.com)

I have participated in it for the past 5 years:
-2006: Moraler for Phi Mu
-2007: Entertainment Core Committee
-2008: Community Outreach Core Committee and moraler
-2009: Mini Marathon Steering Chair
-2010: Alumni Dancer

Dance Marathon was a HUGE part of my life at BGSU, and I participated in it to the fullest extent that I could each year. Last year, as the Mini Marathon Steering Chair, I planned a 6-hour miniature version of DM for local high school students that raised over $8000 for Children's Miracle Network and Toledo Mercy Children's Hospital. It has been the most incredible experience for me, and this year I got to go back with a group of 5 of my best friends to participate in an alumni capacity. It was amazing! Not only was it great to just be back in presence of DM and participating, but it was the 15th anniversary of DM at BGSU, and it was phenomenal to get to meet former Steering members, dancers, and miracle families ( =families with children who directly benefit from the money we raise at DM each year) from the past 15 years. I wish I could put into words what DM means to me, or what it has done for me, but that seems almost impossible-- it's just too amazing of an experience and emotion!

This year, DM raised over $152,000 for CMN and the Children's Hospital and I am so proud of every single person who participated, no matter how big or small the capacity! It was an incredible event this year, and everyone worked so hard to make it amazing and do so much good For The Kids! I am blessed to have been able to be a part of such a fantastic cause for so many years, and look forward to continue my participation in it in the years to come. And, as always, I'm keeping the miracle families in my prayers as their children continue their daily struggle to heal and get better. I ask that you would all do the same.

If you want to donate to the cause, it's not too late: visit My DonorDrive Website where all money will go directly to CMN and Mercy Children's Hospital! Thank you so much!

Fast Cars and Freedom

Today, I rode for the first time with my little sister Mindy as she drove my car. A little scary, but not too bad for her first time! :) I'm proud of her! And I'm still alive, which is also very important, hahaha! Needs to work on her breaking and turns, but otherwise she isn't too bad with it. And now I get to pass my car (the Beast) down to her so she has something to drive, and I get the new car. Glad to have a newer and nicer car coming, but it's going to be hard to say goodbye to the Beast--we've been together for 7 years now and I have a lot of great memories in that car: driving around singing with Nikie, dancing after the school plays (oh the Car Dance), my first kiss with Tommy Boggs, the road trips, all the driving around when I was upset and singing at the top of my lungs to release that anger, taking Daisy for rides in the summer to the park, and lots of other good memories. I guess it's time to let Mindy make her own memories in that car and let my new car Ruby give me some memories for the next chapter of my life. :)