Today I learned a new word, which at this stage of pregnancy (38 weeks, 3 days) is a special feat in and of itself. Zwischen. It's German, and it means "between."
It is the epitome of where I find myself lately. In between.
In between being childless and a mommy.
In between my body being my own and belonging to the baby growing inside.
In between the joy of holding my daughter and the fear of what comes next.
Pregnancy limbo. Zwischen.
I'm a weepy, curled up ball of tears at every Hallmark commercial, and getting through a Good Morning America spotlight of a child who has done/gone through something extraordinary without bawling is almost impossible at this point. I'm insecure about my roundness and constant waddle, but I'm proud of my body for what it's accomplished in the past 9+ months. I mourn the idea that these last few days/weeks will be the last times that H and I have that are truly "just us," but I look forward with indescribable joy at the idea of raising this beautiful little girl together.
In between.
I have 11 days left until our due date. 11 days (more or less) of "in-betweenness." And I have never felt so torn and conflicted about something so scary and beautiful. I've been blessed to have had an easy pregnancy: little to no nausea, weight gain has been minimal, baby has been healthy and right on track at every appointment, no extreme symptoms or health problems, and generally comfortable up until the past week or two. I have genuinely loved be pregnant, with every little milestone along the way, which is why I feel so torn: as excited as I am to hold my daughter and see our family move into this brand new chapter of our lives, I am so sad to say goodbye to pregnancy. Not because I fear what comes next won't be as good; in fact, I know it will be better! But the joy of feeling my baby move for the first time inside me, the little moments we share in the early morning when Daddy gets up to go to work and I can feel her begin to stretch and wiggle as she wakes up, too - those are the moments that I'm sad to lose. Those are the moments that catch me in my zwischen, my "in-betweenness."
And yet the idea of finally meeting this little girl who I have spent the past 9+ months bonding with, to finally see her chubby cheeks and tiny nose, to count the fingers and toes that have been wiggling around - that I have zero fear or doubt about. I can't wait to hold her, skin-to-skin, in those first moments outside of the womb and know that she is mine; to watch her daddy do the same and know that forever there is a piece of his heart that I will never be able to have because in that instant it now belongs to her. The joy of knowing that our family now has a completeness that we never knew before - that is the moment when my in between ends and my role of mommy begins, something that I look forward to with so much excitement, despite the fears of my in between.
Limbo, torn between two worlds: pregnancy and motherhood, the "now" and the "what's to come."
Ask me again a few weeks after Anastasia has arrived, after we have settled into some semblance of a routine with her, if I miss the in between. I honestly don't know how I'll answer. Truthfully, I know there will always be a part of me that misses the stages of pregnancy and the special bond that is formed during this time, but I can't honestly say if I'll miss this in between, this zwischen stage where everything is ending and beginning all at once.
For now, I will bask in the glow of the final weeks of pregnancy. Not so much the back and hip pain, the redistribution of my center of gravity, or my inability to put on socks by myself. But I'll enjoy my quite mornings with a squirmy baby that makes my belly move all on it's own; I'll fall in love with my husband all over again every time he kisses my bump goodnight or reaches over in the middle of church to lay a gentle hand where he can see her moving; I'll cry at the silliest things and not feel guilty about eating a donut at 9pm. Because this is my in between, my zwischen, and I'll enjoy every moment I have left of it.
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 9, 2014
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
2013 Highlights Reel
As usual, I'll end my year with a reflection. I know it seems cliche, but as I'm going on my fourth year of writing this blog in January, it seems only right to finish up the calendar year and the blogging year all at once. Also, the OCD in me requires things to be tied up with a nice little bow before I can close one chapter and start the next...
2013 was a year with a lot of ups and downs for us, and I think even that is an understatement.
Let's go to the highlights reel, shall we?
We struggled with stress, anger, disappointment, sadness, fear, doubt, and worry this year, but God has been gracious and has seen us through every single circumstance that we've experienced. He has let us experience the good and the bad, and blessed us for our perseverance through both. No, it definitely wasn't fun going through the not-so-awesomeness, and there were times where we questioned every part of what was happening and why it was happening. But you know what? God is good, and He never once let us struggle without His presence there to guide us and keep us going.
How can we appreciate the good times in our life without experiencing the bad times?
It's something that I've tried to remember when things suck. If life was always sunny and we never had to experience bad times, then the good times wouldn't matter as much. I don't know about you, but I find that I appreciate the good things more when they are few and far between (extra money, good hair days, a properly made pumpkin spice latte, you get the idea). When good times are abundant, yes life is awesome and the stress levels run low, but eventually I stop appreciating the little blessings and good days.
When you throw in a few bad days to mix it up, I can honestly say that those good days are suddenly so much better and mean so much more in the long-run.
What 2013 our "best year ever"? Not by a long shot!
Did it give us an opportunity to grow, to learn, and to appreciate the good days when they came? Absolutely!
So what does 2014 hold for us? I have absolutely no idea but I know that no matter what it is, God's already there. How awesome is that?!
Wishing you and your family a very blessed (and safe!) New Year's Eve and 2014!
2013 was a year with a lot of ups and downs for us, and I think even that is an understatement.
Let's go to the highlights reel, shall we?
- We survived our first North Country Winter this year, which involved more snow and colder temperatures than I had ever expected!
- We spent the year getting to know some of our new best friends at Fort Drum, who have now become our Army family.
- H reintroduced himself to fishing and filled our freezer with Pickerel and Northern Pike (which we still haven't eaten our way through - any one up for a New Year's fish fry?!)
- I started grad school and successfully completed my first semester with a 4.0 and all of my brain cells.
- We celebrated our second wedding anniversary!
- Even from far away, we got to watch our nephew grow from a rambunctious two year old who only spoke a few words here and there, to an even more rambunctious three year old who is so smart and handsome with a great sense of humor. Watch out ladies!
- We celebrated both H's sister's engagement and my sister's engagement to some awesome guys.
- I became more involved in both PWOC and the FRG, which has opened some doors of opportunity for me and taught me a lot about who I am
- We finally had our first family camping trip, which we've been talking about doing for over 6 years now!
- We got our first dog (and then gave him back when his owner returned from deployment)
- H taught me how to change the oil in our Jeep (not sure if that's more of an accomplishment for me or him haha!)
- I know there's a ton more awesome things that we did, celebrated, learned, and experienced in 2013 that I'm missing, but bear with me since I still haven't had my morning coffee yet ;)
We struggled with stress, anger, disappointment, sadness, fear, doubt, and worry this year, but God has been gracious and has seen us through every single circumstance that we've experienced. He has let us experience the good and the bad, and blessed us for our perseverance through both. No, it definitely wasn't fun going through the not-so-awesomeness, and there were times where we questioned every part of what was happening and why it was happening. But you know what? God is good, and He never once let us struggle without His presence there to guide us and keep us going.
How can we appreciate the good times in our life without experiencing the bad times?
It's something that I've tried to remember when things suck. If life was always sunny and we never had to experience bad times, then the good times wouldn't matter as much. I don't know about you, but I find that I appreciate the good things more when they are few and far between (extra money, good hair days, a properly made pumpkin spice latte, you get the idea). When good times are abundant, yes life is awesome and the stress levels run low, but eventually I stop appreciating the little blessings and good days.
When you throw in a few bad days to mix it up, I can honestly say that those good days are suddenly so much better and mean so much more in the long-run.
What 2013 our "best year ever"? Not by a long shot!
Did it give us an opportunity to grow, to learn, and to appreciate the good days when they came? Absolutely!
So what does 2014 hold for us? I have absolutely no idea but I know that no matter what it is, God's already there. How awesome is that?!
Wishing you and your family a very blessed (and safe!) New Year's Eve and 2014!
Thursday, September 26, 2013
Holes in our Heart
A small baby, but a big hole.
So far, that's the most accurate sentiment for what I'm feeling. At only 9 weeks (but measuring 6), our baby was the size of a lentil when we went into the ER for an ultrasound due to cramping and bleeding. That was four days ago. A lentil. And yet the hole it's left in our hearts and our lives is so much bigger.
I don't think anyone goes into a pregnancy expecting a miscarriage. But everyone goes in with the fear of it. Monday night, our biggest fear came true. Too much cramping and bleeding. Four hours, a pelvic exam, an ultrasound, and a lot of tears later, we were sent home with discharge papers and an informational handout on "threatened miscarriage." I wish I could say that things turned around after going home, but God had a different plan.
For the past three days, we have been processing our loss. Last night (Wednesday) was when our fear finally came full circle and I fully miscarried. There's no better way to say it, no way to sugar coat it or make it sound more poetic than it is. I miscarried our first pregnancy. Our first baby. And the biggest thing I have had to overcome through all of this processing is blaming myself. But that's for another post...
There is no right or wrong way to process this, from what we've found. There's no right or wrong way to feel. There's no prescribed length of time it takes to get through this. It's all a guessing game for us. We're learning each moment of each day what's right for us, for our family, and how we process it. I don't know if it will ever truly "go away" or "get better." What I do know is that this has brought H and I closer, and has given us a new appreciation for the child that God will bless us with when the time is right.
We're finding that our love is strong enough to overcome even the greatest loss. And that you can never take your partner's love and strength for granted. I honestly have no idea how I would have gotten through any of this without him by my side through it all.
We're finding that our faith is stronger than we realize. And that God's plan is always greater, even if we can't see it or understand it.
And we're learning that the support of our friends and family is crucial. No one ever really knows what to say when this happens, unless you've actually been through a miscarriage. Thank goodness for the support of a friend who has had her own share of heartache from the loss of a baby. She let me cry, ask questions, grieve, and move forward with an openness that I appreciate more than she can ever know. Nothing was off limits, and that's what I needed to help me process all of this. And the constant support of my mother, my best friend, and my sister is something that I can never truly repay. The patience, the understanding, the reminder that it's not my fault and that God has a bigger plan - I don't think I could have made it through all of this without their constant support and love.
Have we given up hope of being parents? Not by a long shot.
As soon as we're ready, we're getting back on that horse and trusting God's timing.
But I don't think we'll ever forget our first Nugget baby, our first love and loss. God had other plans for that baby, and has other plans for us. If anything, this loss has taught us to lean even more on our faith in God and on each other for strength. It's taught us that everything happens for a reason, even if we don't know what that reason is or if it makes sense to us.
It's taught us that even the smallest baby can leave the biggest hole.
So far, that's the most accurate sentiment for what I'm feeling. At only 9 weeks (but measuring 6), our baby was the size of a lentil when we went into the ER for an ultrasound due to cramping and bleeding. That was four days ago. A lentil. And yet the hole it's left in our hearts and our lives is so much bigger.
I don't think anyone goes into a pregnancy expecting a miscarriage. But everyone goes in with the fear of it. Monday night, our biggest fear came true. Too much cramping and bleeding. Four hours, a pelvic exam, an ultrasound, and a lot of tears later, we were sent home with discharge papers and an informational handout on "threatened miscarriage." I wish I could say that things turned around after going home, but God had a different plan.
For the past three days, we have been processing our loss. Last night (Wednesday) was when our fear finally came full circle and I fully miscarried. There's no better way to say it, no way to sugar coat it or make it sound more poetic than it is. I miscarried our first pregnancy. Our first baby. And the biggest thing I have had to overcome through all of this processing is blaming myself. But that's for another post...
There is no right or wrong way to process this, from what we've found. There's no right or wrong way to feel. There's no prescribed length of time it takes to get through this. It's all a guessing game for us. We're learning each moment of each day what's right for us, for our family, and how we process it. I don't know if it will ever truly "go away" or "get better." What I do know is that this has brought H and I closer, and has given us a new appreciation for the child that God will bless us with when the time is right.
We're finding that our love is strong enough to overcome even the greatest loss. And that you can never take your partner's love and strength for granted. I honestly have no idea how I would have gotten through any of this without him by my side through it all.
We're finding that our faith is stronger than we realize. And that God's plan is always greater, even if we can't see it or understand it.
And we're learning that the support of our friends and family is crucial. No one ever really knows what to say when this happens, unless you've actually been through a miscarriage. Thank goodness for the support of a friend who has had her own share of heartache from the loss of a baby. She let me cry, ask questions, grieve, and move forward with an openness that I appreciate more than she can ever know. Nothing was off limits, and that's what I needed to help me process all of this. And the constant support of my mother, my best friend, and my sister is something that I can never truly repay. The patience, the understanding, the reminder that it's not my fault and that God has a bigger plan - I don't think I could have made it through all of this without their constant support and love.
Have we given up hope of being parents? Not by a long shot.
As soon as we're ready, we're getting back on that horse and trusting God's timing.
But I don't think we'll ever forget our first Nugget baby, our first love and loss. God had other plans for that baby, and has other plans for us. If anything, this loss has taught us to lean even more on our faith in God and on each other for strength. It's taught us that everything happens for a reason, even if we don't know what that reason is or if it makes sense to us.
It's taught us that even the smallest baby can leave the biggest hole.
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Momma's Day :)
It's that special Sunday where everyone remembers why they love the one woman who as loved them from the start - their mom. I'm blessed to have a lot of really strong women in my life who have helped raise and influence me, so today I'll be taking time to talk about each one of them.
Being that it's Mother's Day, I'll start with my mom (of course!) and all the amazingness that she is. The amount of patience this woman has is unfathomable considering all she's put up with between me and my sister over the years. She's been the foundation that I've built my life upon and when I look at where I am in life, I know I wouldn't be where I am or who I am without her. She taught me so much over the years: the importance of God in my life and always coming back to Him; how to properly plant a garden that actually looks good and lasts the summer; that sometimes you shouldn't try to dig up big bushes in the backyard if there's a chance a stick might stab you in the eye; how to cook a delicious meal using family recipes passed down through generations; that overdrawing your bank account not only causes financial problems but that it makes your mom REALLY mad; that even though she's REALLY mad forgiveness is still a part of loving someone; and that being a genuine, loving, compassionate person is more important that having every material item in the world. She's my best friend who has been there for me when I've been overcome by sadness or needed to share something exciting in my life, she's been a role model for holding a marriage together, grounding yourself in God's love and truths, and having a heart for service to others. I attribute my character, sense of humor, frizzy hair, and love of academics all to her, and I am so thankful to have her as my Momma.
Who taught my mom all this amazingness that she could pass on to me and my sister? Why, her mother, of course. My Grammy was an amazing woman, a true saint in her own right. To this day, she is one of the strongest Christian women I have ever known, and was the true matriarch of our family. She made birthday cakes for Jesus every Christmas, and kept oatmeal cookies on the kitchen counter at all times. She could make you feel like the most important person in the world with her love and kind words, but wasn't afraid to put you in your place if you got out of line (and trust me, that wasn't something you wanted to hear from her!). She spent her Sunday's watching NASCAR and TBN church services with her shotgun by her side, ready to take out any groundhog trying to dig holes in her yard. She was the woman I called when I was home sick from school just to hear her tell me to drink water and eat crackers in my jammies till I felt better, the woman I ate pie and drank coffee with on Saturday afternoons when I had breaks and was home from college. She yelled at me for getting a tattoo, then told me how cute the black ink butterfly on my shoulder actually was. There isn't a day that goes by, even seven years later, that I don't think about her or see her influence somewhere in my life. I know she's up in Heaven fussing over whether or not the angels have planted the spring flowers in the right spots of God's garden :)
I've been fortunate enough to have a few "adopted moms" growing up, too. Joni and Kim, mothers to my best friends since we were just babies, have been there for me for the past 27 years. From help planning secret parties for my parents, advice on everything from school to boys, even just keeping me in line when my own mom wasn't there and I felt like I could probably get away with something (so optimistic on my part, and yet so wrong haha!). They both saw me as their own child, and made sure that if I needed something they would try their best to take care of me. I'm beyond thankful for their influence, love, and guidance growing up and for seeing me as their own daughter.
I can't help but look at today with some optimism and butterflies in my tummy that maybe just maybe this will be my last mother's day without being a mommy. One thing I know for sure is that I have had a lot of "lessons" over the years of what a good mother/mother figure should be thanks to my incredible mom and all the other amazing mother figures in my life. If I can be even half the mother that these woman have added up to be, I know my child will be blessed beyond belief and will (hopefully) grow up with good character, strong faith, and a compassion for helping others.
Happy Mother's Day to all my friends who are mommies, mommies-to-be, have been an "adopted" mommy to another child, a role model, a teacher, or who have had any kind of positive influence on a child around them. You have no idea how loved you truly are!
-M
Being that it's Mother's Day, I'll start with my mom (of course!) and all the amazingness that she is. The amount of patience this woman has is unfathomable considering all she's put up with between me and my sister over the years. She's been the foundation that I've built my life upon and when I look at where I am in life, I know I wouldn't be where I am or who I am without her. She taught me so much over the years: the importance of God in my life and always coming back to Him; how to properly plant a garden that actually looks good and lasts the summer; that sometimes you shouldn't try to dig up big bushes in the backyard if there's a chance a stick might stab you in the eye; how to cook a delicious meal using family recipes passed down through generations; that overdrawing your bank account not only causes financial problems but that it makes your mom REALLY mad; that even though she's REALLY mad forgiveness is still a part of loving someone; and that being a genuine, loving, compassionate person is more important that having every material item in the world. She's my best friend who has been there for me when I've been overcome by sadness or needed to share something exciting in my life, she's been a role model for holding a marriage together, grounding yourself in God's love and truths, and having a heart for service to others. I attribute my character, sense of humor, frizzy hair, and love of academics all to her, and I am so thankful to have her as my Momma.
Who taught my mom all this amazingness that she could pass on to me and my sister? Why, her mother, of course. My Grammy was an amazing woman, a true saint in her own right. To this day, she is one of the strongest Christian women I have ever known, and was the true matriarch of our family. She made birthday cakes for Jesus every Christmas, and kept oatmeal cookies on the kitchen counter at all times. She could make you feel like the most important person in the world with her love and kind words, but wasn't afraid to put you in your place if you got out of line (and trust me, that wasn't something you wanted to hear from her!). She spent her Sunday's watching NASCAR and TBN church services with her shotgun by her side, ready to take out any groundhog trying to dig holes in her yard. She was the woman I called when I was home sick from school just to hear her tell me to drink water and eat crackers in my jammies till I felt better, the woman I ate pie and drank coffee with on Saturday afternoons when I had breaks and was home from college. She yelled at me for getting a tattoo, then told me how cute the black ink butterfly on my shoulder actually was. There isn't a day that goes by, even seven years later, that I don't think about her or see her influence somewhere in my life. I know she's up in Heaven fussing over whether or not the angels have planted the spring flowers in the right spots of God's garden :)
I've been fortunate enough to have a few "adopted moms" growing up, too. Joni and Kim, mothers to my best friends since we were just babies, have been there for me for the past 27 years. From help planning secret parties for my parents, advice on everything from school to boys, even just keeping me in line when my own mom wasn't there and I felt like I could probably get away with something (so optimistic on my part, and yet so wrong haha!). They both saw me as their own child, and made sure that if I needed something they would try their best to take care of me. I'm beyond thankful for their influence, love, and guidance growing up and for seeing me as their own daughter.
I can't help but look at today with some optimism and butterflies in my tummy that maybe just maybe this will be my last mother's day without being a mommy. One thing I know for sure is that I have had a lot of "lessons" over the years of what a good mother/mother figure should be thanks to my incredible mom and all the other amazing mother figures in my life. If I can be even half the mother that these woman have added up to be, I know my child will be blessed beyond belief and will (hopefully) grow up with good character, strong faith, and a compassion for helping others.
 |
| My momma and me through the years! |
Happy Mother's Day to all my friends who are mommies, mommies-to-be, have been an "adopted" mommy to another child, a role model, a teacher, or who have had any kind of positive influence on a child around them. You have no idea how loved you truly are!
-M
Friday, May 10, 2013
Love, Laughter, and Happily Ever After
H and I were incredibly blessed to have been chosen to attend a Strong Bonds marriage retreat this past week. Let me preface this by saying no, I didn't have to convince H to go; he actually surprised me with it! I've been telling him I wanted to go to one for a few months now, and with us starting the journey of trying to have a baby we thought it would be good to attend a retreat about strengthening the foundations of our marriage. Plus, it's the closest thing we are going to get to a vacation! Three days at Niagara Falls with all of our hotel stay and meals paid for, plus an amazing program run by the chaplains on how to improve our communication and understanding of each other? Sign us up!
It was an amazing program. If you ever have a chance to check out Mark Gungor's "Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage," do it! It was incredible! Mark is a great speaker and pastor who approaches marriage with the concept of God made us this way, so instead of trying to change one another, let's change how we communicate with each other to better understand our spouse. His tone is extremely entertaining and makes you laugh while still tackling serious concepts, and (at least for us) he's pretty spot-on about how the male brain and the female brains work. We both really enjoyed the whole retreat and the program that was used, and I can honestly say that I feel like we both got a lot out of it to apply to our relationship.
I think sometimes it's so easy to take advantage our partner. Even having only been married for 18 months, we've been together for over five years and I know that I'm guilty of taking advantage of H at times. I assume he'll be the one to take out the trash, mow the lawn, or put his dirty boot socks and PT's into the laundry so when he does it I don't think about needing to say a simple "thank you" or tell him how much I appreciate when he does little things like that. Mark's program put a lot of emphasis on making sure your spouse knows how much you appreciate them, even for the little things, and doing simple acts of kindness to show how much you care for and prioritize them. That's one of the main things that H and I are trying to apply right away. Today, while at a rest stop on the NY throughway on our trip home, H got up to throw away our lunch trash and came back with an "I <3 NY" pressed penny (he knows how much I love getting pressed pennies on our adventures) just because he thought it was something that would make me smile. It wasn't a huge gesture that cost a lot of money or required any big plans, it was simply a pressed penny that he knew would put a smile on my face. And you know what? It did! It meant more to me than flowers because it was something special that he knew I loved to collect and he put thought into why he got it for me. It's little acts like this that Mark was talking about, and I can't even begin to tell you how appreciative I was for my penny! :) I love that H took what we learned to heart and already started to apply it to our marriage.
I'm excited, too, because I feel like we've found a new way to show our love and appreciation for each other, which Baby K will grow up and see. They'll see a father who goes out of his way to be kind to their mother and show her how much he cares for her; they'll see a mother who supports their father's dreams and who shows genuine appreciation for their father's actions and kindness. Baby K will see what a solid relationship should look like, and will grow up in a home where love and healthy relationships are a constant. They'll know what love should look, sound, and feel like, and I can't imagine a better environment for a child to grow up in.
We were given "practical application" time on Thursday afternoon, which was a chance to practice and apply the concepts we learned as well as have a date night. It was great, because it gave H and I a chance to explore Niagara Falls and have some "vacation" time! We explored the state park and of course the Falls - so incredibly powerful and beautiful! We got to check out the fun touristy shops, learned about the history of the Falls, took a trolley ride around the area, rode the Maid of the Mist out to the Falls (and got incredibly soaked doing it!), and then got all fancied up and went to the casino where H won $50 on penny slots - high roller status! It was so much fun to have a chance to get dressed up, go out to dinner, and check out the casino. We're not gamblers, but it was fun to go play the penny slots a little and check out what the casino was like. Just the whole vacation part of the trip was great for us, because we've never had a chance to go on a vacation like that and if it wasn't for the fact that the major parts of the trip (hotel and meals) were paid for by the Army, we'd probably never be able to afford it. So this trip wasn't just a blessing to attend the marriage retreat, but was a blessing for a vacation!
It was an incredible week, for sure, and I feel so blessed and thankful to have been able to experience it. The chaplain gave each couple a few books written by Mark to keep working on things outside of the retreat, and we're both (yes, even H) looking forward to keeping the growth and strengthening of our marriage going with this awesome program.
I'm just continually amazed at God's blessings for us, and hope that the blessings continue coming as we officially start the process of trying to conceive!
-M
It was an amazing program. If you ever have a chance to check out Mark Gungor's "Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage," do it! It was incredible! Mark is a great speaker and pastor who approaches marriage with the concept of God made us this way, so instead of trying to change one another, let's change how we communicate with each other to better understand our spouse. His tone is extremely entertaining and makes you laugh while still tackling serious concepts, and (at least for us) he's pretty spot-on about how the male brain and the female brains work. We both really enjoyed the whole retreat and the program that was used, and I can honestly say that I feel like we both got a lot out of it to apply to our relationship.
I think sometimes it's so easy to take advantage our partner. Even having only been married for 18 months, we've been together for over five years and I know that I'm guilty of taking advantage of H at times. I assume he'll be the one to take out the trash, mow the lawn, or put his dirty boot socks and PT's into the laundry so when he does it I don't think about needing to say a simple "thank you" or tell him how much I appreciate when he does little things like that. Mark's program put a lot of emphasis on making sure your spouse knows how much you appreciate them, even for the little things, and doing simple acts of kindness to show how much you care for and prioritize them. That's one of the main things that H and I are trying to apply right away. Today, while at a rest stop on the NY throughway on our trip home, H got up to throw away our lunch trash and came back with an "I <3 NY" pressed penny (he knows how much I love getting pressed pennies on our adventures) just because he thought it was something that would make me smile. It wasn't a huge gesture that cost a lot of money or required any big plans, it was simply a pressed penny that he knew would put a smile on my face. And you know what? It did! It meant more to me than flowers because it was something special that he knew I loved to collect and he put thought into why he got it for me. It's little acts like this that Mark was talking about, and I can't even begin to tell you how appreciative I was for my penny! :) I love that H took what we learned to heart and already started to apply it to our marriage.
I'm excited, too, because I feel like we've found a new way to show our love and appreciation for each other, which Baby K will grow up and see. They'll see a father who goes out of his way to be kind to their mother and show her how much he cares for her; they'll see a mother who supports their father's dreams and who shows genuine appreciation for their father's actions and kindness. Baby K will see what a solid relationship should look like, and will grow up in a home where love and healthy relationships are a constant. They'll know what love should look, sound, and feel like, and I can't imagine a better environment for a child to grow up in.
We were given "practical application" time on Thursday afternoon, which was a chance to practice and apply the concepts we learned as well as have a date night. It was great, because it gave H and I a chance to explore Niagara Falls and have some "vacation" time! We explored the state park and of course the Falls - so incredibly powerful and beautiful! We got to check out the fun touristy shops, learned about the history of the Falls, took a trolley ride around the area, rode the Maid of the Mist out to the Falls (and got incredibly soaked doing it!), and then got all fancied up and went to the casino where H won $50 on penny slots - high roller status! It was so much fun to have a chance to get dressed up, go out to dinner, and check out the casino. We're not gamblers, but it was fun to go play the penny slots a little and check out what the casino was like. Just the whole vacation part of the trip was great for us, because we've never had a chance to go on a vacation like that and if it wasn't for the fact that the major parts of the trip (hotel and meals) were paid for by the Army, we'd probably never be able to afford it. So this trip wasn't just a blessing to attend the marriage retreat, but was a blessing for a vacation!
 | |
| On the Maid of the Mist boat ride at Niagara Falls, May 2013 |
It was an incredible week, for sure, and I feel so blessed and thankful to have been able to experience it. The chaplain gave each couple a few books written by Mark to keep working on things outside of the retreat, and we're both (yes, even H) looking forward to keeping the growth and strengthening of our marriage going with this awesome program.
I'm just continually amazed at God's blessings for us, and hope that the blessings continue coming as we officially start the process of trying to conceive!
-M
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Excited for him, sad for me
It all seems very surreal that he's actually gone. I don't know what's harder--the build-up to dropping him off at the recruiters, or being alone now that he's gone. I'm still waiting for him to come walking through the door, or come out of the computer room, and nothing will have changed. But some part of me knows that won't happen; some part of me knows that this is really happening and that our life in the Army has finally, actually begun.
I'm sad. At least, I guess that's what I'm feeling. Sometimes I think "sad" doesn't accurately describe it, but that's the closest I can come to finding the right word. It feels like part of my heart is missing, which I suppose it is--it's located down in Georgia. The house feels a lot bigger now that he's not here with me, and what's left of my heart feels heavy.
At the same time, I am beyond excited for him. This is his dream job; it's what he's wanted to do since he was little and he's spent his life learning about it, talking to soldiers, and preparing for this new adventure of ours. That's how we're looking at it--as an "adventure" instead of "a period of separation." I truly believe he was meant to be a soldier, and that his heart and his mind are in the right place for this, so how could I not be excited for him? I'm so unbelievably proud of him and I can't wait to hear the stories in his letters of what he's going through and experiencing because I know that this is exactly what he wants to do and where he wants to be. I'm so excited for him, even if I'm sad for me.
I won't let my sadness overpower me, or shadow my excitement for him. I have a nice, long list of things I want to do while he's gone (which may or may not include purging his closet of certain clothes...), and I have some of the most supportive and loving friends and family to keep me busy. It'll be nice to get back to work tomorrow and get back into the routine of things, too, although I am glad I took a couple days off to settle into things around here. I have good books to read, craft projects to work on, a lizard cage to finish building, adventures to go on with my girlfriends, and an entire summer to spend with my family before PCS orders come in. I know that I'm going to get through this and come out the other side with a smile on my face, so much love for my husband in my heart, and about 40 pounds missing from my body (oh yeah, I've got some weight loss plans for this time apart!)
I don't know what he's doing today; probably in-processing stuff at reception, maybe getting his uniform and a nice haircut/shave, and making new friends with his drill sergeants! ;) But I know that he could use prayers for strength, endurance, and success while he's going through all of his training, so feel free to send some his way. And I'm so thankful for all the support and love that our friends and family have shown us the past few days---I can't imagine trying to go through this without all of that love and support!
I am so proud of my husband, for his choices for our families future, and for his passion to serve and protect his country, and I am unbelievably excited to see him succeed in this new adventure of ours!
I'm sad. At least, I guess that's what I'm feeling. Sometimes I think "sad" doesn't accurately describe it, but that's the closest I can come to finding the right word. It feels like part of my heart is missing, which I suppose it is--it's located down in Georgia. The house feels a lot bigger now that he's not here with me, and what's left of my heart feels heavy.
At the same time, I am beyond excited for him. This is his dream job; it's what he's wanted to do since he was little and he's spent his life learning about it, talking to soldiers, and preparing for this new adventure of ours. That's how we're looking at it--as an "adventure" instead of "a period of separation." I truly believe he was meant to be a soldier, and that his heart and his mind are in the right place for this, so how could I not be excited for him? I'm so unbelievably proud of him and I can't wait to hear the stories in his letters of what he's going through and experiencing because I know that this is exactly what he wants to do and where he wants to be. I'm so excited for him, even if I'm sad for me.
I won't let my sadness overpower me, or shadow my excitement for him. I have a nice, long list of things I want to do while he's gone (which may or may not include purging his closet of certain clothes...), and I have some of the most supportive and loving friends and family to keep me busy. It'll be nice to get back to work tomorrow and get back into the routine of things, too, although I am glad I took a couple days off to settle into things around here. I have good books to read, craft projects to work on, a lizard cage to finish building, adventures to go on with my girlfriends, and an entire summer to spend with my family before PCS orders come in. I know that I'm going to get through this and come out the other side with a smile on my face, so much love for my husband in my heart, and about 40 pounds missing from my body (oh yeah, I've got some weight loss plans for this time apart!)
I don't know what he's doing today; probably in-processing stuff at reception, maybe getting his uniform and a nice haircut/shave, and making new friends with his drill sergeants! ;) But I know that he could use prayers for strength, endurance, and success while he's going through all of his training, so feel free to send some his way. And I'm so thankful for all the support and love that our friends and family have shown us the past few days---I can't imagine trying to go through this without all of that love and support!
I am so proud of my husband, for his choices for our families future, and for his passion to serve and protect his country, and I am unbelievably excited to see him succeed in this new adventure of ours!
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Updates and Eye Twitches
Wow. It's been over a month since I've blogged. I feel almost as bad as I do when I go too long without going to the gym! Funny how something silly and little like blogging, that's only meant to be cathartic, can become such a powerful force in your life.
I'll be honest and admit why I haven't blogged recently. It's because I've been avoiding my feelings. I've always been a journaler. Yes, I made that word up. But it's true; infact, I still have the journal that I kept when I was in 5th grade. I love to write and to get my feelings down on paper (or in this case, on a screen), because it helps me work through my thoughts. Lately, though, all of my thoughts and feelings are surrounding the fact that H leaves for Basic Training in one month.
I don't want to think about it. I don't want to deal with the fact that in one month I have to kiss my husband goodbye, hug him for the last time until July. I don't want to accept that I won't be able to talk to him every day, to cuddle up with him when it's been a rough one. I want to pretend that he'll still be here. So rather than think/talk/write about it, I push it to the back of my mind. Doing this has caused a semi-permanent eye twitch, but I'd much rather deal with that than the reality of my husband leaving right now. So instead of blogging, I pretend it's not happening, which means right now I have very little to blog about.
Life in general is good. God has blessed us with a lot so far this year, including a full-time job for me at the Montessori School, H hitting his goal weight for his contract, and getting to spend a lot of quality time with our friends and family before he leaves. Financially, it's been a good year so far, too, with our big tax refund blessing on its way. Our families are doing well, our friends are doing well, and we are doing well, so the only feelings that I've had to work through are the ones that I'm pretending aren't there. I know it's coming to a breaking point with those, however, and I'm waiting for that moment when I can't hold it back any longer and everything comes out (like emotional vomit) onto this blog. Although maybe that's a post I'll write in my paper journal (yes, I do still keep one of those, as well!) because I have a feeling it will be more personal than I choose to share here. Of course, there will still be a blog update, just maybe not as graphic as the one in my paper journal.
I know that as things get closer to his leaving, and as things get busier around here with the end of the school year (gosh, it seems so early to think about that already!) and with getting ready to move back to my parents' house, the postings here will become more frequent. Also, I'll be bringing back my crafting, too! Right now, with working about 45 hours per week, it can sometimes be tough to fit in a really good project. But once H leaves and I need things to occupy my time/mind, the projects will be making a spectacular comeback! :)
Bear with me.
It's about to get emotional around here...
xoxo, M
I'll be honest and admit why I haven't blogged recently. It's because I've been avoiding my feelings. I've always been a journaler. Yes, I made that word up. But it's true; infact, I still have the journal that I kept when I was in 5th grade. I love to write and to get my feelings down on paper (or in this case, on a screen), because it helps me work through my thoughts. Lately, though, all of my thoughts and feelings are surrounding the fact that H leaves for Basic Training in one month.
I don't want to think about it. I don't want to deal with the fact that in one month I have to kiss my husband goodbye, hug him for the last time until July. I don't want to accept that I won't be able to talk to him every day, to cuddle up with him when it's been a rough one. I want to pretend that he'll still be here. So rather than think/talk/write about it, I push it to the back of my mind. Doing this has caused a semi-permanent eye twitch, but I'd much rather deal with that than the reality of my husband leaving right now. So instead of blogging, I pretend it's not happening, which means right now I have very little to blog about.
Life in general is good. God has blessed us with a lot so far this year, including a full-time job for me at the Montessori School, H hitting his goal weight for his contract, and getting to spend a lot of quality time with our friends and family before he leaves. Financially, it's been a good year so far, too, with our big tax refund blessing on its way. Our families are doing well, our friends are doing well, and we are doing well, so the only feelings that I've had to work through are the ones that I'm pretending aren't there. I know it's coming to a breaking point with those, however, and I'm waiting for that moment when I can't hold it back any longer and everything comes out (like emotional vomit) onto this blog. Although maybe that's a post I'll write in my paper journal (yes, I do still keep one of those, as well!) because I have a feeling it will be more personal than I choose to share here. Of course, there will still be a blog update, just maybe not as graphic as the one in my paper journal.
I know that as things get closer to his leaving, and as things get busier around here with the end of the school year (gosh, it seems so early to think about that already!) and with getting ready to move back to my parents' house, the postings here will become more frequent. Also, I'll be bringing back my crafting, too! Right now, with working about 45 hours per week, it can sometimes be tough to fit in a really good project. But once H leaves and I need things to occupy my time/mind, the projects will be making a spectacular comeback! :)
Bear with me.
It's about to get emotional around here...
xoxo, M
Monday, November 21, 2011
Wedding and Honeymoon Goodies!
Okay, so I've been promising this post for about a week now, and I feel like I finally have time to sit down and write. Just a warning: with all the details, this is kind of a long post. Feel free to jump to the pictures if the details don't interest you. Don't worry, my feelings won't be hurt, I promise! :)
It's official--I'm a Mrs. And I'm pretty much loving it! Although, I don't think the whole "we're actually married" thing has really sunk in. Last week, I was talking to the mother of one of my students and I said "yeah and my husband--" and I totally had to stop and think for a minute! "Husband" came out naturally, but it caught me off-guard at how naturally it came out. It was one of those "who just said that? Wait, that was me?!" moments haha! But being married has been wonderful. I know we're in the "honeymoon" phase, but the love that we feel for each other is immeasurable, and it's been so much fun being the new, silly married couple.
So here's how the day went:
My sister and all her wonderful cosmetologistness (yes, I just made that word up) helped me get ready by doing my hair and helping with my makeup, and she could not have done a more incredible job. I looked and felt like an absolute princess! We'd tested out my hair a few weeks before, just to see if the style I wanted would work with my blusher/birdcage veil, and it looked fabulous during the practice run, but it was seriously amazing for the wedding. Surprisingly, I wasn't feeling very nervous most of the morning. I helped my mom do the finishing touches on the great room where we would be having the ceremony, took some "artsy" photos of the rings, flowers, etc., and even did some laundry! Who does that on their wedding day?! This girl right here...
In case you forgot, we had the wedding in my parents beautiful 2-story livingroom (the great room), and while I'd never pictured getting married at my parents' house, it could not have been more perfect!
So about an hour before the wedding was supposed to start, I was still running around the house prepping things while my mother chased me around yelling "go to your room, people will be here soon!!" Then she banished me to the bedroom to watch TV until she and my sister came to help me get dressed. So what did I do? Um...watched My Fair Wedding and ate cheese crackers. Yup. I didn't actually start feeling nervous until I was in my dress, wearing my veil, holding my bouquet, and waiting for my daddy to come get me. Cue the instant "ohmygoshi'mgonnavomit" feeling!
The ceremony was perfect. A long-time friend's father who is a pastor married us, surrounded by our parents, grandparents, best man, and maid of honor. It was intimate, and that made it so much more special. But the best part of the whole thing? The look in my soon to be husband's eyes when we finally got to look at each other. Just thinking about it still makes me melt. If there was ever a time I questioned his love for me, in that exact instant I knew I would NEVER question it again. I cried a little during the vows, but surprisingly I held it together really well! And to top it off, it snowed on our wedding day! Not a big, wet, gross Ohio snow, but the light and fluffy kind that just made it magical.
After the ceremony and lots of pictures, we went outside where my parents surprised us with a stretch limo to take to the restaurant we went to! The restaurant was delicious, too, and they were so amazing with the service there. First of all, the restaurant was gorgeous and the food was incredible! If you ever get a chance to check out Bravo! Cucina Italiana, I totally recommend it. They were even kind enough to take our cake that we brought with us, plate it and prepare it for cake-cutting, and boxed it back up for us after. While we were there, a random couple came up to us to congratulate us and gave us $100!! Just totally out of the blue, they said they were local pastors that loved to see new married couples and that they felt called to bless us. It was crazy!
After dinner, we got changed and headed off to Cleveland for the weekend for our honeymoon. My parents got us 2 nights at one of the classy hotels in downtown, and our plan was to stay until Sunday afternoon since we both had to work Monday afternoon/evening. We had plans to grab a late dinner/wine tasting Friday night, but by the time we got there we were already exhausted so we checked in, unpacked, and passed out. Saturday was spent at the Great Lakes Science Center (so much fun!) and then we had dinner at Brasa downtown, which is probably the single most incredible restaurant we've ever been to. It deserves its own blog post--it was seriously that good. After dinner, we called the hotel to have the shuttle come pick us up...45 minutes later, they still weren't there. At this point, we were a little bitter about the fact that they forgot to pick us up, but when the driver finally got there, he felt so bad that he comped us an extra night at the hotel! We got an extra night of our honeymoon for free! It was wonderful, and it gave us a chance to try out one more restaurant, do some walking around town, and have dinner with our best man Tony and his new wife Jen.
Overall, it was the single most perfect weekend we could have possibly dreamed of. We are so thankful to my parents for all the work they put into it, and to our friends and family for being there to celebrate one of the most important days with us!
Okay, okay, enough with the details. On to the pics!!
It's official--I'm a Mrs. And I'm pretty much loving it! Although, I don't think the whole "we're actually married" thing has really sunk in. Last week, I was talking to the mother of one of my students and I said "yeah and my husband--" and I totally had to stop and think for a minute! "Husband" came out naturally, but it caught me off-guard at how naturally it came out. It was one of those "who just said that? Wait, that was me?!" moments haha! But being married has been wonderful. I know we're in the "honeymoon" phase, but the love that we feel for each other is immeasurable, and it's been so much fun being the new, silly married couple.
So here's how the day went:
My sister and all her wonderful cosmetologistness (yes, I just made that word up) helped me get ready by doing my hair and helping with my makeup, and she could not have done a more incredible job. I looked and felt like an absolute princess! We'd tested out my hair a few weeks before, just to see if the style I wanted would work with my blusher/birdcage veil, and it looked fabulous during the practice run, but it was seriously amazing for the wedding. Surprisingly, I wasn't feeling very nervous most of the morning. I helped my mom do the finishing touches on the great room where we would be having the ceremony, took some "artsy" photos of the rings, flowers, etc., and even did some laundry! Who does that on their wedding day?! This girl right here...
In case you forgot, we had the wedding in my parents beautiful 2-story livingroom (the great room), and while I'd never pictured getting married at my parents' house, it could not have been more perfect!
So about an hour before the wedding was supposed to start, I was still running around the house prepping things while my mother chased me around yelling "go to your room, people will be here soon!!" Then she banished me to the bedroom to watch TV until she and my sister came to help me get dressed. So what did I do? Um...watched My Fair Wedding and ate cheese crackers. Yup. I didn't actually start feeling nervous until I was in my dress, wearing my veil, holding my bouquet, and waiting for my daddy to come get me. Cue the instant "ohmygoshi'mgonnavomit" feeling!
The ceremony was perfect. A long-time friend's father who is a pastor married us, surrounded by our parents, grandparents, best man, and maid of honor. It was intimate, and that made it so much more special. But the best part of the whole thing? The look in my soon to be husband's eyes when we finally got to look at each other. Just thinking about it still makes me melt. If there was ever a time I questioned his love for me, in that exact instant I knew I would NEVER question it again. I cried a little during the vows, but surprisingly I held it together really well! And to top it off, it snowed on our wedding day! Not a big, wet, gross Ohio snow, but the light and fluffy kind that just made it magical.
After the ceremony and lots of pictures, we went outside where my parents surprised us with a stretch limo to take to the restaurant we went to! The restaurant was delicious, too, and they were so amazing with the service there. First of all, the restaurant was gorgeous and the food was incredible! If you ever get a chance to check out Bravo! Cucina Italiana, I totally recommend it. They were even kind enough to take our cake that we brought with us, plate it and prepare it for cake-cutting, and boxed it back up for us after. While we were there, a random couple came up to us to congratulate us and gave us $100!! Just totally out of the blue, they said they were local pastors that loved to see new married couples and that they felt called to bless us. It was crazy!
After dinner, we got changed and headed off to Cleveland for the weekend for our honeymoon. My parents got us 2 nights at one of the classy hotels in downtown, and our plan was to stay until Sunday afternoon since we both had to work Monday afternoon/evening. We had plans to grab a late dinner/wine tasting Friday night, but by the time we got there we were already exhausted so we checked in, unpacked, and passed out. Saturday was spent at the Great Lakes Science Center (so much fun!) and then we had dinner at Brasa downtown, which is probably the single most incredible restaurant we've ever been to. It deserves its own blog post--it was seriously that good. After dinner, we called the hotel to have the shuttle come pick us up...45 minutes later, they still weren't there. At this point, we were a little bitter about the fact that they forgot to pick us up, but when the driver finally got there, he felt so bad that he comped us an extra night at the hotel! We got an extra night of our honeymoon for free! It was wonderful, and it gave us a chance to try out one more restaurant, do some walking around town, and have dinner with our best man Tony and his new wife Jen.
Overall, it was the single most perfect weekend we could have possibly dreamed of. We are so thankful to my parents for all the work they put into it, and to our friends and family for being there to celebrate one of the most important days with us!
Okay, okay, enough with the details. On to the pics!!
Mindy helping me get into my dress - the best Maid of Honor I could ask for!
Me and my momma before the wedding
Taking pictures to pass the time while I wait for my daddy
My daddy giving me away! This also made me a little teary
With my parents after the ceremony
With his mom and John after the ceremony
Mindy, my maid of honor, and Tony, his best man
With Carter, our little nephew/Godson/ring bearer
The cake at the restaurant--I can't believe he actually smashed it! (Wait...yes I can...)
Thursday, September 22, 2011
We're Engaged!
We've kind of done this whole thing backwards.
Since he's going into the Military, we've been talking marriage for the past year, and for the past 5 months we've really considered ourselves to be engaged. We've been planning both our justice of the peace wedding and our traditional wedding and ceremony during this time, even though he had never officially asked me to be his wife. Backwards, I know.
Today is the the 4-year anniversary of the day we met, and I came home from work 40 minutes early, which was apparently a bad thing. When I got to the door, it was not only locked but deadbolted shut. He told me I couldn't come in yet, and that I had to go find something to do or sit in my car for 40 minutes. I eventually convinced him to let me come inside and hide in the bedroom if I promised to keep my eyes shut. I knew he was planning an anniversary dinner, but I didn't think he'd go this far with it!
When I got into the bedroom, I noticed all of our photos and candles had been taken down, which made me a little suspicious... but I hid out for almost 45 minutes before he came in and told me it was ready. Unfortunately, I wasn't allowed to go out the bedroom door--I had to walk out the back door, down the fire escape, around the building and come back in the front door!
When I got to the front door, there was more waiting--after about 5 minutes (which seemed like an hour at this point!) he came to the door and unlocked it, but told me I had to wait 10 seconds to go in.
When I opened the door, the lights were off but the house was lit by candles. Strung across the livingroom was a string with handwritten notes from him and photos of us clipped to it. All over the room, there were photos and memories of us, and on the ground leading into the kitchen was a trail made of construction paper hearts. In the diningroom on the table was another note, and when I turned into the kitchen he was there holding a sign that said "Happy 4 Year Anniversary." I was crying like crazy and he hugged and kissed me.
He asked me "did you think I was going to propose tonight?" and I said "yes!"
The next part is kind of blurry :)
He said "why would I do something silly like that" as he was getting down on one knee! He pulled out a ring, said something incredibly sweet (which, in my mess of tears, I'm not totally sure what it was...but I know it was beautiful and made me cry more!) and put a ring on my finger! It was perfect, and so much more than I could have ever dreamed of!!
Since he's going into the Military, we've been talking marriage for the past year, and for the past 5 months we've really considered ourselves to be engaged. We've been planning both our justice of the peace wedding and our traditional wedding and ceremony during this time, even though he had never officially asked me to be his wife. Backwards, I know.
Today is the the 4-year anniversary of the day we met, and I came home from work 40 minutes early, which was apparently a bad thing. When I got to the door, it was not only locked but deadbolted shut. He told me I couldn't come in yet, and that I had to go find something to do or sit in my car for 40 minutes. I eventually convinced him to let me come inside and hide in the bedroom if I promised to keep my eyes shut. I knew he was planning an anniversary dinner, but I didn't think he'd go this far with it!
When I got into the bedroom, I noticed all of our photos and candles had been taken down, which made me a little suspicious... but I hid out for almost 45 minutes before he came in and told me it was ready. Unfortunately, I wasn't allowed to go out the bedroom door--I had to walk out the back door, down the fire escape, around the building and come back in the front door!
When I got to the front door, there was more waiting--after about 5 minutes (which seemed like an hour at this point!) he came to the door and unlocked it, but told me I had to wait 10 seconds to go in.
When I opened the door, the lights were off but the house was lit by candles. Strung across the livingroom was a string with handwritten notes from him and photos of us clipped to it. All over the room, there were photos and memories of us, and on the ground leading into the kitchen was a trail made of construction paper hearts. In the diningroom on the table was another note, and when I turned into the kitchen he was there holding a sign that said "Happy 4 Year Anniversary." I was crying like crazy and he hugged and kissed me.
He asked me "did you think I was going to propose tonight?" and I said "yes!"
The next part is kind of blurry :)
He said "why would I do something silly like that" as he was getting down on one knee! He pulled out a ring, said something incredibly sweet (which, in my mess of tears, I'm not totally sure what it was...but I know it was beautiful and made me cry more!) and put a ring on my finger! It was perfect, and so much more than I could have ever dreamed of!!
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Isn't it funny...
Isn't it funny how life works out sometimes? How one or two little choices can change everything?
Four years ago, during what would turn out to be one of the toughest times I've experienced, on a night where I wanted to just stay curled up in a blanket at the sorority house, eat junk food, and cry, my best friends convinced me to go to a sorority/fraternity social. I didn't really want to, especially because I was in the middle of a very bad breakup, but with a little "liquid courage," they got me dressed in Hawaiian clothes and out the door. I ended up having a great time, and it really got my mind off of the not-so-great things that were going on, but even better--that was the night I met my soon-to-be husband.
I almost didn't go.
What would have happened if I had stayed home. Would I have ever met him? Would we have started dating? Would I be 53 days away from my wedding right now? Possibly, but who knows.
One little choice to go out that night resulted in meeting my best friend and better half (don't tell him I called him my "better" half---you know that's going to go to his head and I'm going to hear about it for-ev-errr lol)
PS. If you want to read about our wedding plans, check out this blog post.
A few months ago, my mom, sister, and one of my bridesmaids and I were going shopping for a dress for the justice of the peace ceremony. I was expecting to go to JC Penney's or Macy's to find something simple and not too expensive, but my mom suggested we check out David's Bridal just to see what they might have. It wasn't something that I was expecting to get results out of, but we decided to check it out anyway. That day, we found not only the perfectly simple dress for the justice of the peace ceremony, but also the traditional dress for the ceremony next year with all of our friends and family--all for super cheap thanks to amazing sales and discounts. And not only that, but one of the dresses is by my dream designer and is a dress I had picked out as a favorite weeks beforehand, which just happened to be a discontinued dress that was the last one in the store and also happened to be a perfect fit without any alterations needed.
I wasn't planning to go into David's Bridal, let alone find anything there.
One little choice to check out the "maybe we'll find something" possibility ended in me finding 2 perfect dresses (side note: I only tried on 4 dresses total, and we bought 2 of them!)
Thursday will be the 4-year anniversary of when he and I met.
On Saturday I am going to my wedding dress fitting.
I could not be happier with the little choices I've made that have brought me to where I am today.
It's funny how little choices make big life changes...
Feeling very blessed this week!
Four years ago, during what would turn out to be one of the toughest times I've experienced, on a night where I wanted to just stay curled up in a blanket at the sorority house, eat junk food, and cry, my best friends convinced me to go to a sorority/fraternity social. I didn't really want to, especially because I was in the middle of a very bad breakup, but with a little "liquid courage," they got me dressed in Hawaiian clothes and out the door. I ended up having a great time, and it really got my mind off of the not-so-great things that were going on, but even better--that was the night I met my soon-to-be husband.
I almost didn't go.
What would have happened if I had stayed home. Would I have ever met him? Would we have started dating? Would I be 53 days away from my wedding right now? Possibly, but who knows.
One little choice to go out that night resulted in meeting my best friend and better half (don't tell him I called him my "better" half---you know that's going to go to his head and I'm going to hear about it for-ev-errr lol)
PS. If you want to read about our wedding plans, check out this blog post.
A few months ago, my mom, sister, and one of my bridesmaids and I were going shopping for a dress for the justice of the peace ceremony. I was expecting to go to JC Penney's or Macy's to find something simple and not too expensive, but my mom suggested we check out David's Bridal just to see what they might have. It wasn't something that I was expecting to get results out of, but we decided to check it out anyway. That day, we found not only the perfectly simple dress for the justice of the peace ceremony, but also the traditional dress for the ceremony next year with all of our friends and family--all for super cheap thanks to amazing sales and discounts. And not only that, but one of the dresses is by my dream designer and is a dress I had picked out as a favorite weeks beforehand, which just happened to be a discontinued dress that was the last one in the store and also happened to be a perfect fit without any alterations needed.
I wasn't planning to go into David's Bridal, let alone find anything there.
One little choice to check out the "maybe we'll find something" possibility ended in me finding 2 perfect dresses (side note: I only tried on 4 dresses total, and we bought 2 of them!)
Thursday will be the 4-year anniversary of when he and I met.
On Saturday I am going to my wedding dress fitting.
I could not be happier with the little choices I've made that have brought me to where I am today.
It's funny how little choices make big life changes...
Feeling very blessed this week!
Our Wedding Plans
A lot of people recently have asked questions about our wedding and how we're going about doing this whole justice of the peace thing, how the engagement has worked out, and about our plans for a traditional ceremony and reception in the future.
So here, spelled out, are our wedding plans:
Last year, my soon to be husband and I began seriously talking marriage. We knew it was something we both wanted for our future together, and with him going into the Army we knew we wanted to be married before he left for basic training. While it might be unconventional and take away from the surprise of the "will you marry me" surprise (Are people actually legitimately surprised when their partner proposes? I mean, yes you can/should be surprised by the style/timing of the proposal, but I feel like if you're at the stage for proposing you should have already had lengthy convos about getting married and your future together. So the fact that they are proposing shouldn't be that much of a surprise, right?) we wanted to make sure that we talked and planned things out, discussed how we would raise our family, and make sure that we were on the same page about lots of things. Plus, we wanted to make sure God was at the center of our marriage so we took the time to pray and make room for Him in our lives.
Because of him joining the Army, and the fact that we knew we wanted to be married before he left for basic, we had some things to work around. We knew that with him being in school and me being a first-year teacher and having so many student loans to pay back, we could not save up for a big traditional ceremony and reception before he left. We started talking to other Military couples and reading about how they handled the Army/marriage situation, and we learned that it's actually very common for couples to be married with a justice of the peace before the husband leaves for basic training and then later in the follow year, when he has a chance for leave, to have the big, traditional ceremony and reception with all of their friends and family. After doing a lot of talking with each other and our parents, we determined that this would be the best plan for us.
Even though we have been planning out this wedding situation for almost 8 months, he has not technically proposed yet. We've purchased the rings, but he is waiting for a very specific moment/date to officially pop the question (I still don't know what this date is, but apparently it has some kind of significance to us. I like the surprise of it, and I can't wait to tell everyone the story of how it finally happened!) We consider ourselves to be engaged, and refer to each other as "fiance" when talking to other people, he just hasn't put a ring on it yet ;)
On November 11, 2011, he and I will be married by a justice of the peace at the Cuyahoga County Courthouse with just our parents, maid of honor, and best man in attendance. We want it to be a very intimate ceremony, and that is why we have chosen only a very select few people to be there.
Next year around Christmas, he will be on leave from Army training and will be able to come home to Northeast Ohio. At that time, tentatively on December 29, 2012, we will be holding a traditional ceremony with the full wedding party as well as a large reception. At this time, we will be celebrating our love and marriage with a vow renewal (the traditional ceremony) and reception with all of our friends and family. We are so thankful that even though we won't have all of our friends and family at the justice of the peace ceremony, they will be able to join us for a true celebration the following year!
No, it's not necessarily traditional. No, it's not necessarily the way either of us imagined.
But it works for our circumstances, and it will allow us to be together during times that non-married soldiers would have to spend apart from their loved one while saving up for the traditional ceremony and reception we've always dreamed of.
We both hope that people aren't offended or upset that they won't be a part of our justice of the peace wedding, and that our friends and family will be understanding of our circumstances. We can't wait to celebrate with all of you who have been such an important and supportive part of our lives and relationship together!
So here, spelled out, are our wedding plans:
Last year, my soon to be husband and I began seriously talking marriage. We knew it was something we both wanted for our future together, and with him going into the Army we knew we wanted to be married before he left for basic training. While it might be unconventional and take away from the surprise of the "will you marry me" surprise (Are people actually legitimately surprised when their partner proposes? I mean, yes you can/should be surprised by the style/timing of the proposal, but I feel like if you're at the stage for proposing you should have already had lengthy convos about getting married and your future together. So the fact that they are proposing shouldn't be that much of a surprise, right?) we wanted to make sure that we talked and planned things out, discussed how we would raise our family, and make sure that we were on the same page about lots of things. Plus, we wanted to make sure God was at the center of our marriage so we took the time to pray and make room for Him in our lives.
Because of him joining the Army, and the fact that we knew we wanted to be married before he left for basic, we had some things to work around. We knew that with him being in school and me being a first-year teacher and having so many student loans to pay back, we could not save up for a big traditional ceremony and reception before he left. We started talking to other Military couples and reading about how they handled the Army/marriage situation, and we learned that it's actually very common for couples to be married with a justice of the peace before the husband leaves for basic training and then later in the follow year, when he has a chance for leave, to have the big, traditional ceremony and reception with all of their friends and family. After doing a lot of talking with each other and our parents, we determined that this would be the best plan for us.
Even though we have been planning out this wedding situation for almost 8 months, he has not technically proposed yet. We've purchased the rings, but he is waiting for a very specific moment/date to officially pop the question (I still don't know what this date is, but apparently it has some kind of significance to us. I like the surprise of it, and I can't wait to tell everyone the story of how it finally happened!) We consider ourselves to be engaged, and refer to each other as "fiance" when talking to other people, he just hasn't put a ring on it yet ;)
On November 11, 2011, he and I will be married by a justice of the peace at the Cuyahoga County Courthouse with just our parents, maid of honor, and best man in attendance. We want it to be a very intimate ceremony, and that is why we have chosen only a very select few people to be there.
Next year around Christmas, he will be on leave from Army training and will be able to come home to Northeast Ohio. At that time, tentatively on December 29, 2012, we will be holding a traditional ceremony with the full wedding party as well as a large reception. At this time, we will be celebrating our love and marriage with a vow renewal (the traditional ceremony) and reception with all of our friends and family. We are so thankful that even though we won't have all of our friends and family at the justice of the peace ceremony, they will be able to join us for a true celebration the following year!
No, it's not necessarily traditional. No, it's not necessarily the way either of us imagined.
But it works for our circumstances, and it will allow us to be together during times that non-married soldiers would have to spend apart from their loved one while saving up for the traditional ceremony and reception we've always dreamed of.
We both hope that people aren't offended or upset that they won't be a part of our justice of the peace wedding, and that our friends and family will be understanding of our circumstances. We can't wait to celebrate with all of you who have been such an important and supportive part of our lives and relationship together!
Monday, September 19, 2011
Happiness
I found something long-forgotten today.
It all started when I saw this awesome pin on Pinterest this morning and thought "Wow--I have a TON of cards and postcards that friends have sent me over the years (mostly my college/sorority bestie Danielle) that are just shoved into a drawer right now. This is a great way to save them!"
This post has nothing to do with me creating this card journal.
I have this journal that a friend gave me a few years ago that has a pocket in the back of it. For years I have been shoving letters, cards, notes, and other little things into the pocket, and I knew that it would be the first place to look for things to put in my card journal. I found lots of them (gosh, Danielle has done A LOT of traveling!) but I also found a piece of folded notebook paper with a long list of things on it. Back in 11th grade, my best friend Nikie and I made "happiness lists," which were on-going lists of things that made us happy. Simple, quiet, important things that made life worthwhile.
So of course I started re-reading my list.
And oddly, just reading the list made me happy. :)
So here are some of the better things from my list that make me smile and make life good:
There are so many more things on this list, but reading through it these ones caught my eye. After almost 10 years, these are things that still make me smile, still make me feel happy and comfortable. Granted, there are things on that list that no longer make me happy the way they used to (ahhh my "boys who play guitar" stage...hahaha). But it made me realize that while my overall tastes in things will change, what genuinely makes me happy deep in my heart will always remain. It's part of me, it's who I am, and it will always be there. And that makes me happy to know :)
It all started when I saw this awesome pin on Pinterest this morning and thought "Wow--I have a TON of cards and postcards that friends have sent me over the years (mostly my college/sorority bestie Danielle) that are just shoved into a drawer right now. This is a great way to save them!"
This post has nothing to do with me creating this card journal.
I have this journal that a friend gave me a few years ago that has a pocket in the back of it. For years I have been shoving letters, cards, notes, and other little things into the pocket, and I knew that it would be the first place to look for things to put in my card journal. I found lots of them (gosh, Danielle has done A LOT of traveling!) but I also found a piece of folded notebook paper with a long list of things on it. Back in 11th grade, my best friend Nikie and I made "happiness lists," which were on-going lists of things that made us happy. Simple, quiet, important things that made life worthwhile.
So of course I started re-reading my list.
And oddly, just reading the list made me happy. :)
So here are some of the better things from my list that make me smile and make life good:
When it rains in the afternoon, painted toenails, walking in the woods in the fall, warm grass on my legs, bare feet, being kissed on the tip of my nose, new crayons, giggling, singing at the top of my lungs, knowing that God is always with me, teaching kids, girl scout cookies, getting pictures back from the developer (that one makes me feel dated...), the ice cream truck, palm trees, harvest moons, meaningful hugs, blowing bubbles, fortune cookies, colored construction paper, birthday candles, bubble baths, the way it smells after it rains, going on a picnic, county fairs in the summer, open-air markets, pay day, having the house to myself on a warm Saturday afternoon, hot cocoa with marshmallows, backyard pickup football games, the way milk squishes out of the Chex squares when you eat them, being loved unconditionally by someone that I love unconditionally.
There are so many more things on this list, but reading through it these ones caught my eye. After almost 10 years, these are things that still make me smile, still make me feel happy and comfortable. Granted, there are things on that list that no longer make me happy the way they used to (ahhh my "boys who play guitar" stage...hahaha). But it made me realize that while my overall tastes in things will change, what genuinely makes me happy deep in my heart will always remain. It's part of me, it's who I am, and it will always be there. And that makes me happy to know :)
Monday, September 5, 2011
Wedding time!
I love a good wedding, especially when it's uniting two people who truly belong together. For instance, our friends Sarah and Brandon. H and Brandon were college roommates, and H got the pleasure of watching Brandon and Sarah's relationship from the start! I've known them for about 4 years, and they are both some of the most genuinely good people I've ever met. Their wedding was absolutely beautiful, and we were both thankful to be invited to be a part of it!
Here are a few of my favorite pics:
The newlyweds!
So beautiful and happy!
Myself, Sarah, Brandon, and H
We had an amazing time, and we send nothing but love and blessings their way! It made me so excited to be there, because all I could think about our wedding! Granted, we've got a little over a year before the big ceremony and reception, but it's still so exciting! At the wedding, we got a chance to tell our friends about our wedding plans, too, which was so wonderful to share our exciting news!
We are 67 days away from our JoP wedding, and I couldn't be more excited! In a week, we can go buy our marriage license, in about 6 weeks we can call the courthouse and make an appointment for our wedding, and in 67 days I will be married to my best friend, my lover, and my soulmate. (wow...that got really mushy really fast...my apologies lol) My mom bought me a wedding planner, which should be here sometime next week, and we're planning on going to a bridal show back home (in the part of the state of where we'll be doing the traditional ceremony and reception next year) in October. I'm so excited for the REAL planning to begin!
Gosh, weddings are the best!!
Here are a few of my favorite pics:
We had an amazing time, and we send nothing but love and blessings their way! It made me so excited to be there, because all I could think about our wedding! Granted, we've got a little over a year before the big ceremony and reception, but it's still so exciting! At the wedding, we got a chance to tell our friends about our wedding plans, too, which was so wonderful to share our exciting news!
We are 67 days away from our JoP wedding, and I couldn't be more excited! In a week, we can go buy our marriage license, in about 6 weeks we can call the courthouse and make an appointment for our wedding, and in 67 days I will be married to my best friend, my lover, and my soulmate. (wow...that got really mushy really fast...my apologies lol) My mom bought me a wedding planner, which should be here sometime next week, and we're planning on going to a bridal show back home (in the part of the state of where we'll be doing the traditional ceremony and reception next year) in October. I'm so excited for the REAL planning to begin!
Gosh, weddings are the best!!
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Overwhelmed?
People always talk about how overwhelmed they are. Heck, I always talk about how overwhelmed I am! Overwhelmed with paying bills, with getting things done all in one day, with cleaning the house, with work, with family, with H--there's always something to overwhelm me, and I almost always mean it in a bad way.
Okay, maybe "bad" isn't the word I'm looking for. But 9 times out of 10, when people say "overwhelmed" they mean it in a way that isn't necessarily a good thing. Think about it. How many times have you said "ugh, I'm so overwhelmed with ______ right now!" There are those rare occasions where we say "oh my gosh, I'm so overwhelmed with joy/thankfulness/gratefulness/whatever!" But let's be honest---how often does that happen? A baby shower, a wedding shower, a wedding, a surprise party....if you're like me, that's maybe once a year...maybe.
Why can't we be more overwhelmed by good feelings and good things? Lately, I've been realizing, even when we aren't sure how we're going to pay the bills or we're struggling for something, I realize that in general, H and I are pretty blessed. God has done some amazing things for us this past year, and I know that our relationship is as strong as it is because of His blessings and love. When money is tight, somehow everything seems to work out. When life seems stressful, we realize that we have each other to rely on for support and comfort. Even the simplest little things, like laying in bed laughing at stupid jokes, is a blessing---having that perfect someone who gets you. These are the good things that I want to be overwhelmed by!
H and I are very blessed, even on the days we don't realize it. I want to be overwhelmed by the good things: the small blessings, the love, the happiness, the laughter. I want to be overwhelmed with too many true friends, with family who cares, with being in love. These are the good things that we need to remember to let ourselves become overwhelmed by! So I'm challenging myself to focus on the good overwhelmment (Is this a word? Probably not--but I'm using it anyway!) instead of the bad---I think life will look pretty great from here on out! :)
Okay, maybe "bad" isn't the word I'm looking for. But 9 times out of 10, when people say "overwhelmed" they mean it in a way that isn't necessarily a good thing. Think about it. How many times have you said "ugh, I'm so overwhelmed with ______ right now!" There are those rare occasions where we say "oh my gosh, I'm so overwhelmed with joy/thankfulness/gratefulness/whatever!" But let's be honest---how often does that happen? A baby shower, a wedding shower, a wedding, a surprise party....if you're like me, that's maybe once a year...maybe.
Why can't we be more overwhelmed by good feelings and good things? Lately, I've been realizing, even when we aren't sure how we're going to pay the bills or we're struggling for something, I realize that in general, H and I are pretty blessed. God has done some amazing things for us this past year, and I know that our relationship is as strong as it is because of His blessings and love. When money is tight, somehow everything seems to work out. When life seems stressful, we realize that we have each other to rely on for support and comfort. Even the simplest little things, like laying in bed laughing at stupid jokes, is a blessing---having that perfect someone who gets you. These are the good things that I want to be overwhelmed by!
H and I are very blessed, even on the days we don't realize it. I want to be overwhelmed by the good things: the small blessings, the love, the happiness, the laughter. I want to be overwhelmed with too many true friends, with family who cares, with being in love. These are the good things that we need to remember to let ourselves become overwhelmed by! So I'm challenging myself to focus on the good overwhelmment (Is this a word? Probably not--but I'm using it anyway!) instead of the bad---I think life will look pretty great from here on out! :)
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Photo Dump: Carter Comes to Play!
My little monkey with his little monkey
Lots of smiles for Aunt Melissa!
Boy time. The look on their faces says it all.
Godparents <3
Worn out after a long day of playing :)
Monday, January 24, 2011
Holding On
This weekend, a friend from high school lost her fiance, only a few months before the wedding. I'm beyond heartbroken for her, and can only send my thoughts and prayers her way right now. Words can't express how much sorrow I have for any woman in this kind of situation.
It was a shock to me. They were both my age, in their mid-20's, and about to start their life together. The idea of death was probably the last thing on their minds. And yet it happened.
What would I do?
What would I do if H died tomorrow? How would I handle it? How could I possibly, at 24, plan a funeral for a man who I imagined I would grow old with? How could I say goodbye to the only future I can see myself in? My world would come crashing down, and I would have no idea what to do next.
I'll admit it--I take things for granted. I don't think or worry about the fact that H, or anyone I love and hold close, could die tomorrow. I don't worry about losing my job. I don't concern myself with the fear of not having a roof over my head, food in my cupboards, or clothing on my body...but what if the house burned down? I take these things for granted every day, and reading that a friend my age has had a loss like this at such a young age has really been a wake-up call. I need to stop taking things for granted, remember my blessings, and thank God each morning for granting me another day on His wonderful creating with the people that I love.
It was a shock to me. They were both my age, in their mid-20's, and about to start their life together. The idea of death was probably the last thing on their minds. And yet it happened.
What would I do?
What would I do if H died tomorrow? How would I handle it? How could I possibly, at 24, plan a funeral for a man who I imagined I would grow old with? How could I say goodbye to the only future I can see myself in? My world would come crashing down, and I would have no idea what to do next.
I'll admit it--I take things for granted. I don't think or worry about the fact that H, or anyone I love and hold close, could die tomorrow. I don't worry about losing my job. I don't concern myself with the fear of not having a roof over my head, food in my cupboards, or clothing on my body...but what if the house burned down? I take these things for granted every day, and reading that a friend my age has had a loss like this at such a young age has really been a wake-up call. I need to stop taking things for granted, remember my blessings, and thank God each morning for granting me another day on His wonderful creating with the people that I love.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Baby Carter!
Carter Dennis
Born at 6:41pm on Wednesday, January 12, 2011.
7lbs 6oz
21 inches
Happy, healthy, and handsome!
Mom and baby are both doing amazing. The birth was healthy and went flawlessly. Mindy was strong and so focused throughout the entire delivery. I am so proud of her, probably more than she'll ever know. Here are just a few pictures:
All cleaned up, right after birth
My handsome little nephew
Momma and baby
Feeding time!
Born at 6:41pm on Wednesday, January 12, 2011.
7lbs 6oz
21 inches
Happy, healthy, and handsome!
Mom and baby are both doing amazing. The birth was healthy and went flawlessly. Mindy was strong and so focused throughout the entire delivery. I am so proud of her, probably more than she'll ever know. Here are just a few pictures:
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Catching up on truths
Sorry, this week has been HECTIC--must be a full moon or something, because my students have been outrageous! So I'm using this post to catch up on my missed "truth" posts.
Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
I can think of a few things that I need to forgive myself for, things that I think about once in a while and get down about. I think the number one thing I need to forgive myself for is how I treated my family when I was younger, especially in middle school and high school. I am so close to my parents and my sister now, but that wasn't always the case. I still have so many regrets about how I acted and how I mistreated them, and I know that I can never make up for that. It breaks my heart that I behaved that way, and I honestly don't know if I will ever be able to truly forgive myself for that.
Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.
I still have so much hurt from my previous long-term relationship. I'm hurt that I was talked down to and often made to feel unimportant. I'm hurt that he never really showed his affection or care for me. And I'm hurt that he ever thought it would be okay to do that to me.
Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.
I hope that one day I can be an amazing mother and wife. I know that probably makes a lot of feminists upset--that I'm hoping to be a stereotypical version of what society has always wanted women to do. But I don't care. I know that I was born to be a wife and mother, and I can not wait until the day that I get to sit with my husband and hold our brand new baby. I can't wait to raise that baby, to go on field trips and play dates and go to their games (you know my kids will play sports! lol). And I can't wait to fall asleep next to the man I love and wake up next to him every day (okay, so I'm already blessed enough to get to do that!) and to make millions of memories together. I hope that I can be as amazing a mom and wife as my mom has been.
Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.
I hope that I never have to experience the pain of burying my child. I can't even begin to imagine what that would feel like, I hope and pray that I never have to deal with that.
Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Just one person? Impossible. Off the top of my head, I can immediately think of 6 people who have made my life worth living for (and the 7th will be added in January when my nephew is born). My mom and dad (who I loving call Momma and Fashja) have made my life worth living for because I can't imagine who I would be without their love and support as I was growing up. My sister is worth living for because she is my sister and my best friend, and while she has made my life crazy at times, I can't imagine growing up without her. My 2 best friends, who I grew up with, have been there for me through so many things, and without them I don't know how I would have survived so many different experiences! And of course H... <3
Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
I can think of a few things that I need to forgive myself for, things that I think about once in a while and get down about. I think the number one thing I need to forgive myself for is how I treated my family when I was younger, especially in middle school and high school. I am so close to my parents and my sister now, but that wasn't always the case. I still have so many regrets about how I acted and how I mistreated them, and I know that I can never make up for that. It breaks my heart that I behaved that way, and I honestly don't know if I will ever be able to truly forgive myself for that.
Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.
I still have so much hurt from my previous long-term relationship. I'm hurt that I was talked down to and often made to feel unimportant. I'm hurt that he never really showed his affection or care for me. And I'm hurt that he ever thought it would be okay to do that to me.
Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.
I hope that one day I can be an amazing mother and wife. I know that probably makes a lot of feminists upset--that I'm hoping to be a stereotypical version of what society has always wanted women to do. But I don't care. I know that I was born to be a wife and mother, and I can not wait until the day that I get to sit with my husband and hold our brand new baby. I can't wait to raise that baby, to go on field trips and play dates and go to their games (you know my kids will play sports! lol). And I can't wait to fall asleep next to the man I love and wake up next to him every day (okay, so I'm already blessed enough to get to do that!) and to make millions of memories together. I hope that I can be as amazing a mom and wife as my mom has been.
Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.
I hope that I never have to experience the pain of burying my child. I can't even begin to imagine what that would feel like, I hope and pray that I never have to deal with that.
Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Just one person? Impossible. Off the top of my head, I can immediately think of 6 people who have made my life worth living for (and the 7th will be added in January when my nephew is born). My mom and dad (who I loving call Momma and Fashja) have made my life worth living for because I can't imagine who I would be without their love and support as I was growing up. My sister is worth living for because she is my sister and my best friend, and while she has made my life crazy at times, I can't imagine growing up without her. My 2 best friends, who I grew up with, have been there for me through so many things, and without them I don't know how I would have survived so many different experiences! And of course H... <3
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Our hearts desires (even if we avoid them!)
Every morning on my way to work, I listen to KLove Radio (a fabulous Christian station we get in Toledo--but it's actually a national station. Check it out here) which puts me in a very positive and spirit-filled place. I love this station, and often God speaks to me by what the DJ's are talking about or the songs they play (always seem to come at just the right time...)
On Wednesday, one of the DJ's said something about how God knows the desires of our hearts, even if we don't want to admit that's our desire. Oh how true that is!! I spent months trying to tell myself that I didn't love H and that I didn't want to be with him anymore. I pushed him as far out of my mind (and my heart, so I thought) as I possibly could just so that I could try to move on with my life and see what God had in store for me. But He knew the desires of my heart, even when I didn't want to admit them or tried to push them away from me, and His plan was to bring us back together when the timing was perfect.
It makes me laugh when I think about it. I mean, I honestly can not imagine my life with anyone else. As silly and cheesy as it sounds, it's very true. And no matter how complicated the Army may make our future together, I will never give up our relationship or love for him because God never gave up on it. He truly has blessed us and brought us together, and why should I ever worry or want to give that up? If God is for us, who/what do we need to fear? Nothing, not even the Army or deployment or long periods apart. God is so amazing!
On Wednesday, one of the DJ's said something about how God knows the desires of our hearts, even if we don't want to admit that's our desire. Oh how true that is!! I spent months trying to tell myself that I didn't love H and that I didn't want to be with him anymore. I pushed him as far out of my mind (and my heart, so I thought) as I possibly could just so that I could try to move on with my life and see what God had in store for me. But He knew the desires of my heart, even when I didn't want to admit them or tried to push them away from me, and His plan was to bring us back together when the timing was perfect.
It makes me laugh when I think about it. I mean, I honestly can not imagine my life with anyone else. As silly and cheesy as it sounds, it's very true. And no matter how complicated the Army may make our future together, I will never give up our relationship or love for him because God never gave up on it. He truly has blessed us and brought us together, and why should I ever worry or want to give that up? If God is for us, who/what do we need to fear? Nothing, not even the Army or deployment or long periods apart. God is so amazing!
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
TWLOHA
Today was a very important day. It's not a birthday or an anniversary, or a national holiday. It was "To Write Love On Her Arms" Day. Never heard of it? Well take notice, because it's kind of a big deal.
To Write Love On Her Arms (TWLOHA) is a national organization who's vision says that: "To Write Love on Her Arms is a non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide. TWLOHA exists to encourage, inform, inspire and also to invest directly into treatment and recovery." (from TWLOHA) It's such an amazing organization, and it's one that I have supported every year for the past 3 by participating in TWLOHA day.
The purpose of TWLOHA day is to promote discussion about the organization and its cause by writing "love" on your arm:
The idea is that when people ask about it, you have the chance to talk about something that is such an important issue to girls in society today. So many girls are going through depression, self-mutilation, and addiction, and it's often considered such a taboo subject to talk about. But that's not going to help anyone get over it or stop feeling so alone in their problem.
I knew girls in high school who dealt with all three of these issues. I have girls in my family who have. And I currently have students who do. It's a huge issue that is taking away the innocence and happiness of so many beautiful young girls, and it's something that we as a culture need to face head-on. Please, take a chance to go to TWLOHA.com and check out this amazing cause.
And say a prayer for all the girls (and boys) who are out there dealing with so many of these issues. They deserve nothing less than knowing the beauty of God's love for them and how beautiful they are in His eyes.
To Write Love On Her Arms (TWLOHA) is a national organization who's vision says that: "To Write Love on Her Arms is a non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide. TWLOHA exists to encourage, inform, inspire and also to invest directly into treatment and recovery." (from TWLOHA) It's such an amazing organization, and it's one that I have supported every year for the past 3 by participating in TWLOHA day.
The purpose of TWLOHA day is to promote discussion about the organization and its cause by writing "love" on your arm:
The idea is that when people ask about it, you have the chance to talk about something that is such an important issue to girls in society today. So many girls are going through depression, self-mutilation, and addiction, and it's often considered such a taboo subject to talk about. But that's not going to help anyone get over it or stop feeling so alone in their problem.
I knew girls in high school who dealt with all three of these issues. I have girls in my family who have. And I currently have students who do. It's a huge issue that is taking away the innocence and happiness of so many beautiful young girls, and it's something that we as a culture need to face head-on. Please, take a chance to go to TWLOHA.com and check out this amazing cause.
And say a prayer for all the girls (and boys) who are out there dealing with so many of these issues. They deserve nothing less than knowing the beauty of God's love for them and how beautiful they are in His eyes.
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