Lent Lessons

I've spent the past 40 days off of Facebook for personal use as my sacrifice for Lent.
Disclaimer: I totally used it for Tastefully Simple stuff and PWOC Bible study stuff.  God and I worked it out.  No biggie.

The idea was that I was giving up something that I rely on and waste a lot of time on to show God that I don't need it because He is all I need.  Because, really, do I need Facebook in my life?  Not really.  I mean, sure there are times where it's convenient to have, especially now that we've become a society where everything is shared, announced, and updated in milliseconds on the social network.  But by giving up Facebook and worshiping God by showing Him that He is more important than Facebook, He showed me a lot of things and opened a lot of new doors.

I spent the beginning of Lent hanging out with my sister and her fiance who came up to visit.  Instead of sitting on the couch on my phone/laptop checking Facebook, I actually interacted with Mindy and Clay and enjoyed all of our time together, present in the moment.  We cooked dinner together, had sister time, game night, and just truly enjoyed being together for the long weekend.  For the first time in a while, I actually felt like I was present in the moment instead of distracted by my phone.

I also got to spend a weekend with my beautiful sisters in Christ in Washington DC at the Global Prayer Gathering for the International Justice Mission.  I spent 3 days deep in God' presence as He opened my eyes and my heart to injustice going on all over the world.  From forced labor to sex slavery, so many of God's children are stuck in the dark, and it was incredible to be surrounded by 1200 other believers lifting up these mission workers and enslaved people together in His name.  God called me to get out of my comfort zone and showed me some areas of my life He's calling to, but that's for another blog post.  He also answered a long-standing prayer for more Godly women to build friendships with, which was amazing.

I had the opportunity to reunite with two of my absolute best friends from Ohio during this 40 days, and to just enjoy being together for the first time in almost 2 years!  We laughed, we reminisced, we ate junk food, and we enjoyed every minute of our time together.  It gave me a chance to show them around Drum and Syracuse, to introduce them to some of my Army family up here, and to finally share this chapter of my life with them.  I absolutely loved having them here, and was so sad when they had to leave, but it was such a blessing that God worked out that they could be up here for almost 5 whole days with me!

God also opened a new door in terms of a job for the summer.  I've been praying and very worried about what I would do when the school year ended and I couldn't sub anymore.  With graduation coming in August and my loans coming out of deferment, I knew I needed something and I just kept praying that God would provide.  Boy did He ever!  A friend in PWOC introduced me to one of her wonderful neighbors and her 4-year-old son.  She was in desperate need of full-time childcare for her son in their house, and after a 2-hour interview we realized that so many of our thoughts on children and development are on the same page.  I start at the end of this month spending Monday through Friday with this sweet little boy who just needs some boundaries and love, and God has truly come through more than I could have ever hoped in terms of providing for our finances. 

Lent also saw the end of another grad school semester, the completion (and passing) of my Master's thesis paper, and some more weight loss - woo hoo!

But the best part about Lent this year?   That I have developed a deeper and strengthened relationship with God.  As we're into Easter weekend at this point, the sacrifice and love that Christ showed to all of us has never been more apparent to me, and I'm so thankful for His grace and mercies, which I don't deserve but which are always enough!

So happy Easter to you and your family.  May you spend tomorrow surrounded with people you love, celebrating God's love however you see fit.  No matter what you do, though, don't forget to take a moment to sit in peace, surrounded by His presence, and thank Him for His undeserved but immeasurable love.

He is risen!

Life Verse

I recently heard someone use the term "life verse" about a particular scripture.  It's a term I'd never heard before, but after hearing it I had that "what did I ever do before finding _____" moment; what did I do without this term before?!

That got me thinking: What is my life verse?  Wait, do I even have a life verse?!
 Turns out, I do!  

To me, a life verse is more than just a go-to verse that I can quote forwards, backwards, and in Pig Latin that is my "go-to" verse to comfort people or make myself feel better.  I needed a verse that I could do all of the above with, but that also has a very specific meaning in my life and my walk with God, a verse that my relationship with God is founded upon and that God has used to strengthen my connection with Him.

Only one verse came to mind, and it's one that God has used so much in my life over the past.

The card in that picture is a Stop and Pray card (S.A.P, or sap, which is defined as something that gives life and energy, exactly what this verse does for me!) that a coworker and friend from the Montessori School of Bowling Green gave to me a few years back.    It spent some time tucked into the gauges console of my car where it was a constant reminder of God's peace, and it eventually made it into my Bible.  I read it every day as I do my devotionals, and as you can tell by the crinkles and folds in the card, it's been put to good use!

So why is this particular verse so special that I chose it above the other 31,000+ verses in the Bible?  First of all, it's a promise to me that God has not left me alone or forgotten about me.  This verse shows me that God has given me His Spirit to strengthen my own spirit.  He wants me to remember that the spirit He has given me is one that gives me His fruits of the Spirit, and that it is His promise and gift to me.

Second, it reminds me that fear and doubt do not come from God.  Unless you're new here, you probably already know that I could get an Olympic gold medal in worry and fear.  In 2 Corinthians 6, it says that darkness can not dwell in the Light; where the Lord dwells there can be nothing that is not of His Spirit, including fear and worry.  There are a million and one (Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating.  But there are A LOT!) verses in the Bible about not needing to worry our doubt because God is in control, and my life verse is a great example of why I don't have to worry - God hasn't given me a spirit of worry and fear, because He's got it in control.

 

Finally, it reminds me that God's peace transcends all Earthly reasoning and understanding.  Especially in the past year with the miscarriage, the stress the Army has put on our family, money worries, car trouble, and everything else, there is absolutely no reason I should feel peace in the face of all of this stress.  And yet, while I may not have always been the picture of peace and nonchalance, I know that I had a lot more peace about these situations than most people would normally experience.  I'm not saying this to toot my own horn or to imply that I'm better at handling stress than anyone else, because that is by far the furthest thing from the truth!  In reality, I'm the definition of a stress case and can find ways to worry about even the smallest things.  I ride the struggle bus, and the struggle is real, people!  But this verse is a constant reminder of the peace, the "sound mind" that God has given me.  I've had people ask me how I can remain so calm, have so much faith, or how I handle it all.  It's not me at all.  Not one bit of it.  It's completely and totally a God thing, and one of the best things He has ever given me (ya know, beyond grace, forgiveness, grace, and salvation).  

 

I would be a mess without Him and without the spirit of power, love, and peace that He has given me.  This verse embodies everything that God has graced me with and is a daily reminder of why I don't have to worry about things - He has it in control!

So, what's your life verse?

Purpose

I lost my baby.

It's been almost six weeks since our angel baby went home to be with Christ.  Six weeks of putting away the few baby items we had accumulated since finding out we were pregnant.  Six weeks of learning how to move forward and trust God.  Six weeks of watching friends and family who are pregnant hit milestones, get ultrasounds, and reveal genders that we don't get to experience right now.

And while that feels like six weeks of torture and pain, it's been a very enlightening six weeks for me.

God has spoken to me a lot during my healing time, and has opened my eyes to so much that He wants me to know.  He's shown me just how strong I really am, and how deep my faith in Him runs.  He's taught me what His timing means, and that when His time comes, the blessings will be perfect.  He's given me the opportunity to bless others and to be a witness of His provisions and strength.

One of the biggest things I struggled with through all of this was how I was supposed to praise God through this storm.  It's a song lyric I hear, a Christian sentiment that is passed on so often to remind us to stay strong through the dark times we experience.  But I quickly found it's much easier to say it than to do it.  How am I supposed to raise my hands and thank God for this overwhelming sadness?  What do I say in praise to Him when all I can do is cry and ask why?  How in the world am I supposed to be thankful that I had to fall in love with this little baby that I lost before I even had the chance to hold them?

It's not easy.
I don't even know if I did it right.
And at first, praising Him through all of this was almost as painful as the loss itself, especially when all I wanted to do was yell at Him for letting me experience all of this, only to have it taken away.

So I was honest with Him.  I told Him how I had no idea how I was supposed to praise Him and be thankful through all of this pain and anger.  I asked Him to give me the words of praise because I didn't even know what to say.  I thanked Him for letting me be a mommy to this little baby, even if it was only for 9 weeks.  For days, those few statements were all I could manage.  But that's all it took.  He began to open my eyes to the strength He was giving me, and the trust I was putting in Him to bless us in His perfect timing.  He reminded me that every tear I've cried, He's holding in His hands along with our Nugget.  And He showed me that through it all, He was my rock, my salvation, and my saving grace that knows the desires of my heart as I seek Him.  Eventually, my prayers became less about why this happened, and more about thanking God for His bigger plan, even if I couldn't see it or understand it.

Without a doubt, God has used this loss to not only show me how strong I am through Him, but to allow me to be a light to others who don't understand how I can find peace and strength through all of this sadness.

I lost my baby.
My heart still aches for the little one I will never get to hold during my time on this Earth.
But I know that God has used this loss for His glory and for His bigger plan, and I find so much security and joy in knowing that if even one person in my life had a clearer understanding of where my peace, strength, and comfort comes from, then I know that my loss is His gain.

10 Years

10 years ago...

I was 15 years old, sitting in sophomore English class.
I was innocent and naive.
I never believed that someone would attack the United States.
I assumed we would always be safe.
I was sure that I would never have to see a war in my lifetime, let alone have friends and family fight in it.

10 years ago, I witnessed on TV as a plane flew into the second tower.
I watched a friend cry because her uncle worked in those towers.

10 years ago, I watched our country, I watched the world change.

I didn't know anyone who died in the WTC, and at the time I didn't realize just how big the scope of these events were.  Politics aside, I didn't understand the concept of going to war or of sending 18-year-old soldiers to die in a battle, but I understood the concept of protection and of protecting our nation.  Today, I understand it without doubt.  I have watched this country change in ways I never would have expected, some for the better and some for the worse.  And now, 10 years later, I prepare to start a life where my husband will be fighting this war that started because of the events that took place 10 years ago today.

Hearing the names being read out-loud makes the reality of that day come back full-force, and I find myself sitting on the couch watching it and crying.  I'll be praying a lot today: praying for God's peace for those who lost loved ones that day and who have lost loved ones in the war since then; praying for the safety of those who continue to fight for our freedom and safety; praying for our nation to rekindle the love and compassion for each other and the the unity that was formed on that day; and praying for God's presence to settle upon our country.

Gone, but never forgotten...