Life Verse

I recently heard someone use the term "life verse" about a particular scripture.  It's a term I'd never heard before, but after hearing it I had that "what did I ever do before finding _____" moment; what did I do without this term before?!

That got me thinking: What is my life verse?  Wait, do I even have a life verse?!
 Turns out, I do!  

To me, a life verse is more than just a go-to verse that I can quote forwards, backwards, and in Pig Latin that is my "go-to" verse to comfort people or make myself feel better.  I needed a verse that I could do all of the above with, but that also has a very specific meaning in my life and my walk with God, a verse that my relationship with God is founded upon and that God has used to strengthen my connection with Him.

Only one verse came to mind, and it's one that God has used so much in my life over the past.

The card in that picture is a Stop and Pray card (S.A.P, or sap, which is defined as something that gives life and energy, exactly what this verse does for me!) that a coworker and friend from the Montessori School of Bowling Green gave to me a few years back.    It spent some time tucked into the gauges console of my car where it was a constant reminder of God's peace, and it eventually made it into my Bible.  I read it every day as I do my devotionals, and as you can tell by the crinkles and folds in the card, it's been put to good use!

So why is this particular verse so special that I chose it above the other 31,000+ verses in the Bible?  First of all, it's a promise to me that God has not left me alone or forgotten about me.  This verse shows me that God has given me His Spirit to strengthen my own spirit.  He wants me to remember that the spirit He has given me is one that gives me His fruits of the Spirit, and that it is His promise and gift to me.

Second, it reminds me that fear and doubt do not come from God.  Unless you're new here, you probably already know that I could get an Olympic gold medal in worry and fear.  In 2 Corinthians 6, it says that darkness can not dwell in the Light; where the Lord dwells there can be nothing that is not of His Spirit, including fear and worry.  There are a million and one (Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating.  But there are A LOT!) verses in the Bible about not needing to worry our doubt because God is in control, and my life verse is a great example of why I don't have to worry - God hasn't given me a spirit of worry and fear, because He's got it in control.

 

Finally, it reminds me that God's peace transcends all Earthly reasoning and understanding.  Especially in the past year with the miscarriage, the stress the Army has put on our family, money worries, car trouble, and everything else, there is absolutely no reason I should feel peace in the face of all of this stress.  And yet, while I may not have always been the picture of peace and nonchalance, I know that I had a lot more peace about these situations than most people would normally experience.  I'm not saying this to toot my own horn or to imply that I'm better at handling stress than anyone else, because that is by far the furthest thing from the truth!  In reality, I'm the definition of a stress case and can find ways to worry about even the smallest things.  I ride the struggle bus, and the struggle is real, people!  But this verse is a constant reminder of the peace, the "sound mind" that God has given me.  I've had people ask me how I can remain so calm, have so much faith, or how I handle it all.  It's not me at all.  Not one bit of it.  It's completely and totally a God thing, and one of the best things He has ever given me (ya know, beyond grace, forgiveness, grace, and salvation).  

 

I would be a mess without Him and without the spirit of power, love, and peace that He has given me.  This verse embodies everything that God has graced me with and is a daily reminder of why I don't have to worry about things - He has it in control!

So, what's your life verse?

Provisions

Pop Quiz: What does it mean to provide?

A) Does it mean that you get what you want when you want it, no questions asked.
B) Does it mean that what if what you want also lines up with what you need, it will happen.
C) Does it mean that what you need will come to you, but only when the time is right, and even if it's not exactly what you think you need, what you expected, or even what you wanted.

More and more, I'm feeling like it's the 3rd answer.

I routinely pray for God to provide for us in terms of jobs, living expenses, and just in general to help us keep going when we have no idea how things are going to work out. Sometimes it all happens and falls into place exactly how I have it planned out and think it should happen, but other times it feels like we're just barely getting by, and I wonder why God chooses how He provides. I know it's all part of a bigger plan, and that He has the most incredible plans for our lives, but sometimes I wonder how/why He lets things pan out the way they do and how that plays into His plan for our life. Because there are times where I look at how things are playing out and I wonder how this barely getting by at the very last minute thing is teaching us anything about God or His plan. I'm not complaining, because I know He has always provided in the past and will continue to provide as I seek Him for guidance and help, and even if it wasn't the provision I'd expected, it always worked out. But the curiosity in me wonders how and why He does what He does when He does it.

I'm continuing to thank God for all He does and all He provides and trust Him to continue providing for us, but I still wonder...

30 Days of Truth: Day 1

So apparently there is a thing going around the blogosphere to have people posting 30 different truths about themselves, one each day. I think I'm going to try it. I'll only post the full list once, but each day I'll start my post with the specific truth. Here's the full list:

Day 1: Something you hate about yourself.
Day 2: Something you love about yourself.
Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like poopy.
Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough days. (write a letter.)
Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.


Something I hate about myself (although I prefer the term "don't like" instead of hate, because I'd love to believe that there's nothing about myself that I truly hate) would be my need to question and worry about things. I'm not a pessimistic person, and that's not what I mean by this. However, I usually feel the need to play out every possible scenario, good or bad, and worry about all the "what-ifs." There are times when doing that makes me feel more prepared for what could happen, and times when it drives me crazy because it's like I can't shut my mind down. I know it drives the people around me crazy (H especially!) but it's how I handle situations. I'm a worrier, and I'll probably always be one. I just wish sometimes I didn't have to do it for every little thing...

The Interview from Heaven

It's funny how God teaches me lessons...

First off, let me explain that I did finally get a teaching job! I am the newest Title 1 English 9, 10, and 11 teacher at a charter school in Toledo. How I got this job is a little more interesting than the fact that I actually got a job.

About 2 weeks ago I got a call from this particular school telling me that they had my information and would like to set up an interview for 2 days later. At the time, I was so excited for an interview that I just accepted it and said "of course I'd like an interview!" but then I started thinking--I couldn't remember applying to this school. In fact, I had never actually heard of this school. So I check the Ohio Dept. of Education website to see when I had applied to this school. According to their site, I had never applied through them. Weird. But I checked out the school and it was completely the school setting I was looking for--the right student demographic, the right location, and they were interested in me (that last one is a quality I haven't found in most of the schools I've applied for...!)

So I went to my first interview. I'm sitting there waiting to be let in, and the man who opens the door to let me into the interview says "You look familiar...why do I know you?" Turns out that when I worked at the other charter school in Toledo, I had his son as one of my students. We start chatting about my experiences at the other charter school, and next thing I know we're just chatting and swapping stories very casually. He tells me "I'm not going to ask you these interview questions, because I know you can handle these kids if you've done well at another charter school." I leave an hour later having answered 3 of 15 questions and after a lovely conversation with him about students, experience, and life in general. Could not have asked for a better interview.

Three days later, I get a call. It was the dean of the school telling me that my first interview was very successful and that they would like to invite me back for a second interview. He then followed up by telling me that he was pretty sure that if I came to this second interview, it would probably lead to a job. I'm excited, intrigued, and still confused about how they got my information. I decided that the best thing to do was to thank God for the second interview and trust Him. If they got my information for the job in one of His mysterious ways, who am I to question it.

Second interview went like this:
Principal: It's nice to meet you, I'm Mrs. _________________. Looks like you had a great first interview. Tell me about your experiences with this kind of student demographic.
Me: Blah blah blah
Principal: Great. Well here's what the position is, and here's the salary.
Me: Sounds great to me, it's definitely something I'm interested in.
Principal: Okay, great. If you'd like to accept the position now, we can start your contract paperwork and I can show you your classroom.

After I got done picking my jaw up off of the floor, I accepted the position, got to meet a few fellow teachers, and visit my classroom. I may be new to this whole interview process thing, but I guess I just assumed that in a second interview they would ask more than one question before offering me the job? Hey, I'm not complaining! This is the PERFECT school for me! The right location and the student demographic are exactly what I'm looking for and where I've really felt that God was calling me to. Now it's actually happening.

Months of praying. And worrying. And praying that I stop worrying and trust God. And then worrying that I'm not trusting or praying enough. It's been a vicious cycle. And now, when it's literally 2 weeks before I would have to start training for a teaching job and prepping my classroom, God hands me an interview that is the answer to all of my prayers and is perfect for me.

It's funny how God has spent this summer really teaching me to trust Him and believe in His promises. My favorite quote this summer has been "Embracing the promises of God begins with the unshakable certainty that God will never forget His promises." Well, the past 3 months have been a giant lesson in unshakable certainty in trusting that God doesn't forget. And now, 3 months later, I am preparing to move back to BG to the perfect apartment so that I can begin the job that God has blessed me with, also perfect.

But then again, His blessings always are...
Also, I still don't know how they got my information. God works in mysterious ways, I suppose. :)

Worry Warts Anonymous

I am a worrier by nature. Anyone who knows me well is nodding their head in agreement right now because once you get to know me, you realize just how true this statement is. Ever heard the phrase "stick with your strengths?" Well, worrying is my strength and I do it often--probably to the point of insanity (example: how many posts I have about worrying that I won't have a job in the fall.)

I don't know why I do it so much. I seriously worry about even the most simple and ridiculous things, like the outcome of a conversation (just because I think it went well doesn't necessarily mean the other person felt the same!) or the inflection of someone's voice (what exactly was meaning behind how they said "hello"--were they mad at me for some reason? Did I offend them with how I said hello? Do they secretly hate me?!) See? I'm out of control with this worrying thing! I seriously think I should enroll in "Worry Warts Anonymous"... do they have one of those?

I'm pretty sure God laughs at me constantly about this. I mean, seriously. He's made it clear that I don't have to worry about things because He's taking care of it, and what am I doing? Running around like a chicken with my head cut off worrying about whether or not a principal liked the way I introduced myself in a cover letter... Yup, He's getting a kick out of me! I'm trying so hard to just let things be and not worry about them, especially when it comes to my relationship with H and what kind of life I'm going to have come the middle of August (teaching, or continuing to leech off of my parents for groceries, gas, and free rent), but after about a week of not worrying, I break down. It's like a drug, like I can't go more than a week without worrying about it--I need my worrying fix!! I'll get the shakes and that twitchy look in my eyes (okay, so maybe that's an exaggeration...or is it?) and people start to question my sanity.

I feel like Joseph. He sat in jail for years waiting for God to rescue him and show him what His plan was, and felt like God wasn't there or wasn't listening. Joseph worried that he would be stuck in jail alone and forgotten and what did that mean for his life? Sometimes, I wonder the same thing--am I going to be stuck here, without a career in the fall, and then what will that mean for my life and for my future with H? Where is God, and why is He just letting me sit here and wait/fester with my worriness? At least I can go do things to try to get my mind off of it; poor Joseph was stuck in jail with nothing to do (at least I assume nothing to do. I mean, seriously, how much was there to do in an Egyptian jail back then?). But Genesis clearly says that even when Joseph was in jail "God was with him." He had a plan for Joseph's life, and even though Joseph felt like God was ignoring him and wasn't working on a plan for his life, in reality God was right there working behind the scenes to create a future for Joseph's life (and a pretty darn amazing one at that!) I guess that means that when I feel like God's just letting me sit here and wait and go through life as it is while He works on my greater plan. Worrying really isn't doing me any good I guess...

Does that mean I'll stop being a worry wart? Probably not. Let's be honest, a bad habit is hard to break. But I'm trying! And I'm trying to remember that the more I try to hold on to those worries, the less credit I'm giving God to take care of them. He's the Creator of all things!! For goodness sake, I'm pretty sure he can handle a few small things, like placing me in the right job for the fall, or strengthening my relationship with my future husband.

I just need to find my local chapter of Worry Warts Anonymous...okay, or maybe just pray for more faith and trust :)