Paul's Letter, Perspecitve, and Pity Parties

I want to be a grouch right now.
Yes, I realize that no one typically wants to be a grouch.
I do.  Right now.

I want to pout, to grump, to think of every little bad thing that could possible go wrong.  I want to throw a great big pity party, with only myself on the guest list - no one else is allowed.  I want to be a grouch all by myself.  This misery doesn't need company, I'm doing a fine job of grouching on my own.

I want to be a grouch.
But I can't.

Seriously.  I've been trying to sit here and put myself into a bad mood about all the things on my to do list, the things that have randomly popped into my mind today, the miscellaneous worries and "what if's".  But no matter how hard I try, God won't let me.

He challenges my "what-ifs" with "I've got this."
He rebuttals my "to-do's" with "but look at how I've blessed you and provided for you so far."
He squashes my "why not me yet?" with "My timing is perfect."

How can I possibly be grumpy and grouchy when my God is so powerful, so wonderful, so loving?  I can complain about the work that needs to be done to the Jeep or I can be thankful that He provided us with a 4-wheel drive vehicle right before moving to the North Country.  I can be bitter about all the pregnancy announcements on my newsfeed or I can be thankful that these amazing women are going to be even more amazing moms and know that I will get that chance in God's perfect timing.  I can stress about the growing to-do list on my fridge or I can be thankful that I have a house to take care of, a husband to cook dinner for, and that I don't have any physical problems keeping me from being able to take my puppy for a walk (and be thankful for God's promise of spring despite the bitter cold!)

It's all about perspective, something that I so quickly forget when I feel overwhelmed with life.  I can sit and complain about everything and throw myself a pity party, but really what does that get me?
A bad attitude.
A good radius away from everyone else in my life (because who wants to be around me like that?).
And the kind of perspective on life that takes for granted all the blessings that God has already given me and all that He's done to take care of me so far.  With a perspective and attitude like that, how in the world am I truly witnessing to others around me?  Am I representing Christ at that point, or am I just representing another person so wrapped up in themselves that there's no room for Christ's light to shine?

God's doing a lot lately to give me an attitude check and challenging me to look at my situation from a new perspective, with an attitude of gratitude through Christ-tinted glasses.  We've been studying Paul's letter to the church in Ephesus in PWOC (women's Bible study here on post), and the first chapter of Ephesians really hit me hard.  Paul spends the majority of the chapter reminding the Christians in Ephesus of all the blessings that God has already given them - they are children of God, adopted by Him into the kingdom of Heaven through the gifts of grace and mercy!  They have been redeemed by His blood, forgiven of their sins (no matter how bad), and chosen for the praise of His glory!  He has given them grace with wisdom and understanding of His Spirit!  God has blessed them with so much, and no matter what else happens, the Christians in Ephesus need to be reminded of that perspective to truly appreciate the plan that He has for their life.

Ya know what the best part about that is?

Wait for it.
It's gonna knock your socks off.

God gave us those exact same spiritual blessings!!

Seriously.
Okay, I know we aren't the church in Ephesus around 60 A.D., and Paul isn't writing to us from prison.  But these are the same blessings that God has given to all of His children, including you and me.  How awesome is that?!

And with all these spiritual blessings (not to mention all the non-spiritual blessings!), how in the world can I possibly look at a pile of laundry on the closet floor, a few dust bunnies under the coffee table, or the receipt for the car parts (which could have been A LOT more, thank you Jesus) and still feel like I need a pity party?

So instead, I'll put the party hats away for a birthday, suck my bottom lip in, and put a smile on my face.  Life could be a lot worse, but I don't have to focus on that - I can turn those sour moments into a chance to remember what God has already blessed me with.

It's all about perspective...

Life Verse

I recently heard someone use the term "life verse" about a particular scripture.  It's a term I'd never heard before, but after hearing it I had that "what did I ever do before finding _____" moment; what did I do without this term before?!

That got me thinking: What is my life verse?  Wait, do I even have a life verse?!
 Turns out, I do!  

To me, a life verse is more than just a go-to verse that I can quote forwards, backwards, and in Pig Latin that is my "go-to" verse to comfort people or make myself feel better.  I needed a verse that I could do all of the above with, but that also has a very specific meaning in my life and my walk with God, a verse that my relationship with God is founded upon and that God has used to strengthen my connection with Him.

Only one verse came to mind, and it's one that God has used so much in my life over the past.

The card in that picture is a Stop and Pray card (S.A.P, or sap, which is defined as something that gives life and energy, exactly what this verse does for me!) that a coworker and friend from the Montessori School of Bowling Green gave to me a few years back.    It spent some time tucked into the gauges console of my car where it was a constant reminder of God's peace, and it eventually made it into my Bible.  I read it every day as I do my devotionals, and as you can tell by the crinkles and folds in the card, it's been put to good use!

So why is this particular verse so special that I chose it above the other 31,000+ verses in the Bible?  First of all, it's a promise to me that God has not left me alone or forgotten about me.  This verse shows me that God has given me His Spirit to strengthen my own spirit.  He wants me to remember that the spirit He has given me is one that gives me His fruits of the Spirit, and that it is His promise and gift to me.

Second, it reminds me that fear and doubt do not come from God.  Unless you're new here, you probably already know that I could get an Olympic gold medal in worry and fear.  In 2 Corinthians 6, it says that darkness can not dwell in the Light; where the Lord dwells there can be nothing that is not of His Spirit, including fear and worry.  There are a million and one (Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating.  But there are A LOT!) verses in the Bible about not needing to worry our doubt because God is in control, and my life verse is a great example of why I don't have to worry - God hasn't given me a spirit of worry and fear, because He's got it in control.

 

Finally, it reminds me that God's peace transcends all Earthly reasoning and understanding.  Especially in the past year with the miscarriage, the stress the Army has put on our family, money worries, car trouble, and everything else, there is absolutely no reason I should feel peace in the face of all of this stress.  And yet, while I may not have always been the picture of peace and nonchalance, I know that I had a lot more peace about these situations than most people would normally experience.  I'm not saying this to toot my own horn or to imply that I'm better at handling stress than anyone else, because that is by far the furthest thing from the truth!  In reality, I'm the definition of a stress case and can find ways to worry about even the smallest things.  I ride the struggle bus, and the struggle is real, people!  But this verse is a constant reminder of the peace, the "sound mind" that God has given me.  I've had people ask me how I can remain so calm, have so much faith, or how I handle it all.  It's not me at all.  Not one bit of it.  It's completely and totally a God thing, and one of the best things He has ever given me (ya know, beyond grace, forgiveness, grace, and salvation).  

 

I would be a mess without Him and without the spirit of power, love, and peace that He has given me.  This verse embodies everything that God has graced me with and is a daily reminder of why I don't have to worry about things - He has it in control!

So, what's your life verse?

2013 Highlights Reel

As usual, I'll end my year with a reflection.  I know it seems cliche, but as I'm going on my fourth year of writing this blog in January, it seems only right to finish up the calendar year and the blogging year all at once.  Also, the OCD in me requires things to be tied up with a nice little bow before I can close one chapter and start the next...

2013 was a year with a lot of ups and downs for us, and I think even that is an understatement.

Let's go to the highlights reel, shall we?

•  We survived our first North Country Winter this year, which involved more snow and colder temperatures than I had ever expected!
• We spent the year getting to know some of our new best friends at Fort Drum, who have now become our Army family.
• H reintroduced himself to fishing and filled our freezer with Pickerel and Northern Pike (which we still haven't eaten our way through - any one up for a New Year's fish fry?!)
• I started grad school and successfully completed my first semester with a 4.0 and all of my brain cells.
• We celebrated our second wedding anniversary!
• Even from far away, we got to watch our nephew grow from a rambunctious two year old who only spoke a few words here and there, to an even more rambunctious three year old who is so smart and handsome with a great sense of humor.  Watch out ladies!
• We celebrated both H's sister's engagement and my sister's engagement to some awesome guys.
• I became more involved in both PWOC and the FRG, which has opened some doors of opportunity for me and taught me a lot about who I am
• We finally had our first family camping trip, which we've been talking about doing for over 6 years now!
• We got our first dog (and then gave him back when his owner returned from deployment)
• H taught me how to change the oil in our Jeep (not sure if that's more of an accomplishment for me or him haha!)
• I know there's a ton more awesome things that we did, celebrated, learned, and experienced in 2013 that I'm missing, but bear with me since I still haven't had my morning coffee yet ;)

I wish that I could end my list of things we encountered in 2013 there, but life isn't always sunny that way.  This past year also brought some sadness and not-so-awesome experiences to us.  Thankfully, God is awesome when life isn't, and He has used (and continues to use) our circumstances for His purpose.  We experienced the joy and loss of our first baby, but in that He taught us patience, trust, and strengthened my faith beyond measure.  We watched one of our dearest friends get diagnosed with stage four cancer, but He's allowed that to help us support and strengthen their faith and relationship with God.  H went through multiple moves to different units and companies that has not helped his plan for early promotion or getting into the schools he wants in the timeliness that he wants, but God continues to give us what we need when we need it and we're trusting His plan above our own.

We struggled with stress, anger, disappointment, sadness, fear, doubt, and worry this year, but God has been gracious and has seen us through every single circumstance that we've experienced.  He has let us experience the good and the bad, and blessed us for our perseverance through both.  No, it definitely wasn't fun going through the not-so-awesomeness, and there were times where we questioned every part of what was happening and why it was happening.  But you know what?  God is good, and He never once let us struggle without His presence there to guide us and keep us going.

How can we appreciate the good times in our life without experiencing the bad times?

It's something that I've tried to remember when things suck.  If life was always sunny and we never had to experience bad times, then the good times wouldn't matter as much.  I don't know about you, but I find that I appreciate the good things more when they are few and far between (extra money, good hair days, a properly made pumpkin spice latte, you get the idea).  When good times are abundant, yes life is awesome and the stress levels run low, but eventually I stop appreciating the little blessings and good days.

When you throw in a few bad days to mix it up, I can honestly say that those good days are suddenly so much better and mean so much more in the long-run.

What 2013 our "best year ever"?  Not by a long shot!
Did it give us an opportunity to grow, to learn, and to appreciate the good days when they came?  Absolutely!

So what does 2014 hold for us?  I have absolutely no idea but I know that no matter what it is, God's already there.  How awesome is that?!

Wishing you and your family a very blessed (and safe!) New Year's Eve and 2014!

Baby K Update

It finally happened - we're pregnant!!  It still feels very surreal, like it's all a dream and I'm going to wake up tomorrow and realize that we still have months of trying ahead of us.  I'm writing this on August 25, but I won't actually be publishing it until September 15 due to waiting until we're officially at 8 weeks before making the announcement public.  Here's our story...

Things around our house have been...stressful...to say the least.  I quit my job about a month ago to go back to school full-time, which has made money a bit tighter than usual for us.  We're doing just fine, paying bills and such, but going from two incomes to one is an adjustment to say the least.  I'm preparing to start my first semester of grad school tomorrow, which has me both excited and nervous, but I know that this is a door God has finally opened for me so I'm putting my worries in Him.  H is about to head back to his original unit as they return from deployment which is going to shake up his work situation more than he'd like.  He's had a great run at his current unit while his original unit was deployed and made a really good impression on a lot of his CO's, but with his original unit coming home and the transition back to that unit comes having to start back at square-one in terms of proving he's a squared-away soldier ready to take on responsibilities and start going to schools.

So, yeah, to say our household has been under stress lately is a bit of an understatement.

When I realized I was a few days late, I just chalked it up to the fact that I'm under stress and didn't think too much else of it, especially since last month I thought our timing for making Baby K was off due to my trip home for my cousin's wedding (H didn't come with me, and while we "took care of business" prior to me leaving, I didn't think we were close enough to my O date).  Then I caught myself crying while watching a touching segment on ESPN's SportsCenter.  Yes.  I cried while watching a piece about a Make-a-Wish kid and the Arizona Diamond Backs.  That's when I knew I needed to test.

Fast forward to about 12:30pm and I'm crying in the bathroom over the two VERY dark lines on my positive test.  H had just gone back to work from his lunch break, and I've had a plan since April about how I wanted to surprise him with the good news, so I went into "freak out, cry, happy dance, gotta get this surprise put together" mode.  Thank goodness for my bestie #2 up here who went through pregnancy/delivery at Fort Drum and knew how to direct me - calling the doctor, setting up a blood test, getting all goofy excited for me over the phone.  The usual.  :)  At 3pm I took another test, just for kicks and giggles (and to make sure I wasn't the fluke patient who would have a false positive test - do those even happen?!).  Again, two VERY dark lines.  Called the doctor and scheduled myself for bloodwork the following morning, and eagerly started putting together H's surprise:

To say H was shocked is an understatement.  I'm pretty sure he sat there silently, staring at the items in the box for a solid 10 minutes before anything actually registered in his mind.  (For the record, H is the third man in his family to have his name, so we have always referred to Baby K as "the fourth", hence the blue note).  In fact, I'm pretty sure it didn't actually settle in until the next afternoon when I got the call from my doctor's office confirming my two positive HPT's.

So it's official - Baby K (or Nugget, as I've been calling him/her) is due to arrive April 27, 2014!  I'm exactly 5 weeks pregnant as I write this, and my parents just left from visiting for the weekend.  It was amazing getting to tell them in person, since I really thought I'd have to do it over Facetime or Skype with us being 500 miles away from them.  We surprised them at dinner on Thursday night, and they are almost as excited as we are.  Tonight we'll be calling H's mom to tell her, which I'm a little more nervous about.  It's her first grandbaby, and my parent's second.  We've told a very few select close friends, but as for everyone else...well they have to wait until September 15 to find out :)  And chances are, if you're reading this, you probably just found out today, too!

Go have a celebratory drink (or two) for me, since it'll be a looooong time before I can have one, and remember to trust God in His timing - it'll all work out when He's ready for it to.

xoxo, M

Little Reminders

Why is it that when the weather gets all mopey like this, it's almost like the universe decides it's the perfect time to dump every possible problem into your lap?  Not cool.

Or maybe it's just the weather making me feel like all these problems are so much bigger than they really are.

I have to say, it does feel like the world scooped up a bunch of problems and dropped them all into my lap at once.  I won't go into all of them, but it was a stressful couple days around here, let me tell you!  Yesterday, this was the verse that showed up in my daily email:  "Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything.  Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done" -Philippians 4:6

I love when God sends me little reminders :)  I've been doing a lot of praying about money/job stuff, but I forgot about the "don't worry" part.  I'm a worrier.  A grade-A first class worrier.  If it was an Olympic sport, I'd have the gold.  If I had a dollar for every time I worried...you get the idea.  But when we worry, we aren't really letting God do His thing; instead, we're second guessing (whether we mean to or not) His ability to provide and come through for us.  Yesterday, within just a few hours after reading this email and remembering that God has always and will always take care of us, things started to clear up---my 2 biggest worries were consoled and appear to be taken care of!  Can't stop being thankful for these blessings!

Today in my email, this was my message:  "Then, when you call, the Lord will answer.  'Yes, I am here' He will quickly reply" -Isaiah 58:9.   Thanks God :)

I have so many reasons to be thankful and blessed, even when it seems like everything is a mess and I have no idea how I'm going to make it through the week because of everything that's going on.  When I think about all the things that are coming in the next couple months, not to mention in the next year, I can't help but smile and realize just how blessed H and I really are.  I just have to remember to stay focused on those blessings and wonderful things to come, and remember that God is there, He's always there, and He's going to get me through the problems so I can truly enjoy the blessings!

Too blessed to be stressed!

Overwhelmed?

People always talk about how overwhelmed they are. Heck, I always talk about how overwhelmed I am! Overwhelmed with paying bills, with getting things done all in one day, with cleaning the house, with work, with family, with H--there's always something to overwhelm me, and I almost always mean it in a bad way.

Okay, maybe "bad" isn't the word I'm looking for. But 9 times out of 10, when people say "overwhelmed" they mean it in a way that isn't necessarily a good thing. Think about it. How many times have you said "ugh, I'm so overwhelmed with ______ right now!" There are those rare occasions where we say "oh my gosh, I'm so overwhelmed with joy/thankfulness/gratefulness/whatever!" But let's be honest---how often does that happen? A baby shower, a wedding shower, a wedding, a surprise party....if you're like me, that's maybe once a year...maybe.

Why can't we be more overwhelmed by good feelings and good things? Lately, I've been realizing, even when we aren't sure how we're going to pay the bills or we're struggling for something, I realize that in general, H and I are pretty blessed. God has done some amazing things for us this past year, and I know that our relationship is as strong as it is because of His blessings and love. When money is tight, somehow everything seems to work out. When life seems stressful, we realize that we have each other to rely on for support and comfort. Even the simplest little things, like laying in bed laughing at stupid jokes, is a blessing---having that perfect someone who gets you. These are the good things that I want to be overwhelmed by!

H and I are very blessed, even on the days we don't realize it. I want to be overwhelmed by the good things: the small blessings, the love, the happiness, the laughter. I want to be overwhelmed with too many true friends, with family who cares, with being in love. These are the good things that we need to remember to let ourselves become overwhelmed by! So I'm challenging myself to focus on the good overwhelmment (Is this a word? Probably not--but I'm using it anyway!) instead of the bad---I think life will look pretty great from here on out! :)

Realizations of Me

For the past week I've been on spring break from work, and it has been delightful. Today is the first day that it hasn't rained, but I could totally handle the weather being crummy if it meant I didn't have to go to work for 9 days in a row. But being home all week has made me realize something: I like who I am when I'm not working there. I mean, technically I still work there. But having this whole week off without having to worry about what goes on at that school has given me a chance to get things done this week, reconnect with friends, and in general just be a happier person.

I don't think it's because I'm happier not working. In fact, I love being a teacher and being in the classroom. But I'm happy to be away from a stressful environment, even for this short time. It's also making me more excited for summer, which is only 6 more weeks away!

I know this is short, and it's just kind of a random blurb of an update, but it's been on my mind the past couple days and I wanted to get it in writing.

In a Rut

I'm in a total rut. It's due to roughly 3 factors. In order to better understand what those factors are and how much of an impact they have, I've made the following pie chart. Do not be deceived...although pie usually makes people happy, this chart just makes me sad:

I have to get out of this rut. It's putting stress not just on me, but on H and our relationship in general. Who wants to be around the stressed out, unhappy girl? I don't blame him for feeling like this, but I refuse to let my stress that has nothing to do with our relationship cause stress for our relationship! So here's my "Get Out Of The Rut" Plan:

Step 1: Go to the gym every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday after work, no matter how tired or stressed I am. Even if it's just doing a few laps around the track and lifting the free weights, I'm going to the gym. It makes me feel better, it's good for me, and it's something fun that H and I can do together.

Step 2: Eat healthy again. You are what you eat. If I eat crap, I feel like crap. So no more crappy cafeteria lunches, no more fast food runs, and no more boxed mac n cheese, no matter how PMSie I feel.

Step 3: Get out of the house! I think sitting around the house is giving me cabin fever. I need to get out, even if it's just for walks around the block after dinner or going to the sorority house to visit friends for a little while. I can't be cooped up in here every day anymore--it's driving me crazy.

Step 4: Pray. We've gotten out of the habit of praying together before bed, and I think that it's reflecting in our relationship and in my mood. A lot of this stuff with work has caused me to question what exactly God's plan is and why He's put me here where I feel so abandoned, and admittedly I've stopped talking to God as much as I used to. I'm not losing my faith by any means, but I feel distant from Him and I don't like it. I want to put Him back at the center of my faith and my relationship with H again, where He belongs.

Plan starts immediately. I can't take one more minute of feeling like this. I'm tired of crying and wondering what's going on and why I feel this way. I'm tired of seeing H become stressed out because of my own mood and stress. And I refuse to let any more of this stress continue to keep H and I in a rut. So it starts now.

Nothing can steal my joy if I won't let it, and from now on I won't let it.