Back to "normal"

It's really strange to go back to "normal" now that H is gone.  It's like I feel like so much has changed because of H leaving that it seems weird to try and go back to normal--how can things be normal when the most "normal" part of my world and my routine is gone?  Side note:  H is probably the furthest from "normal" I've ever met, but our abnormalness together creates our own version of normalcy.  Yeah, we're strange like that...

Going back to work today was nice.  It got me out of the house for the day, which is good because it means I'm not sitting around stewing in my own thoughts.  It was also really great to get back because I missed my coworkers and my kiddos a lot.  You don't realize how much joy these kids bring you until you need some cheering up--a 3-year-olds hug never fails to put a smile on my face!  But it was so strange to go back to work and go back to my normal routine when I still feel like everything has changed.

In reality, life is pretty much the same, minus the fact that my other half is a 16-hour drive away getting yelled at by drill sergeants.  Work is still work, my daily routine is still pretty much the same (minus seeing H, adding the gym), and my attitude about life in general hasn't changed (although  my faith and relationship with God is becoming stronger, which generally makes life a little better).  But some part of me feels strange trying to go back to normal without him here....

Weird.
xoxo, M

Excited for him, sad for me

It all seems very surreal that he's actually gone.  I don't know what's harder--the build-up to dropping him off at the recruiters, or being alone now that he's gone.  I'm still waiting for him to come walking through the door, or come out of the computer room, and nothing will have changed.  But some part of me knows that won't happen; some part of me knows that this is really happening and that our life in the Army has finally, actually begun.

I'm sad.  At least, I guess that's what I'm feeling.  Sometimes I think "sad" doesn't accurately describe it, but that's the closest I can come to finding the right word.  It feels like part of my heart is missing, which I suppose it is--it's located down in Georgia.  The house feels a lot bigger now that he's not here with me, and what's left of my heart feels heavy. 

At the same time, I am beyond excited for him.  This is his dream job; it's what he's wanted to do since he was little and he's spent his life learning about it, talking to soldiers, and preparing for this new adventure of ours.  That's how we're looking at it--as an "adventure" instead of "a period of separation."  I truly believe he was meant to be a soldier, and that his heart and his mind are in the right place for this, so how could I not be excited for him?  I'm so unbelievably proud of him and I can't wait to hear the stories in his letters of what he's going through and experiencing because I know that this is exactly what he wants to do and where he wants to be.  I'm so excited for him, even if I'm sad for me.

I won't let my sadness overpower me, or shadow my excitement for him.  I have a nice, long list of things I want to do while he's gone (which may or may not include purging his closet of certain clothes...), and I have some of the most supportive and loving friends and family to keep me busy.  It'll be nice to get back to work tomorrow and get back into the routine of things, too, although I am glad I took a couple days off to settle into things around here.  I have good books to read, craft projects to work on, a lizard cage to finish building, adventures to go on with my girlfriends, and an entire summer to spend with my family before PCS orders come in.  I know that I'm going to get through this and come out the other side with a smile on my face, so much love for my husband in my heart, and about 40 pounds missing from my body (oh yeah, I've got some weight loss plans for this time apart!)

I don't know what he's doing today; probably in-processing stuff at reception, maybe getting his uniform and a nice haircut/shave, and making new friends with his drill sergeants! ;)  But I know that he could use prayers for strength, endurance, and success while he's going through all of his training, so feel free to send some his way.  And I'm so thankful for all the support and love that our friends and family have shown us the past few days---I can't imagine trying to go through this without all of that love and support!

I am so proud of my husband, for his choices for our families future, and for his passion to serve and protect his country, and I am unbelievably excited  to see him succeed in this new adventure of ours!