Don't Hold Back

I'm putting it all out there.

Went to the doctor yesterday.  According to Guthrie Medical Clinic, I weigh 187 pounds with 37% body fat.

Disgusting.

My BMI is officially in the "obese" range (though thankfully at the low end, and I definitely don't feel obese, or even feel like I look obese).

I feel disgusted by myself for getting this bad.  When H and I met 5 years ago, I weighed 50 pounds less and was much healthier/happier about my body.  I know all about "happy relationship weight" but that doesn't make how I'm feeling ab out myself any better.

Ugh, why can't I seem to stick to eating Paleo lately? I've been eating smaller portions at work for breakfast and lunch, mainly because I'm eating what the kids eat in the kid-size portions, but when I get home all I want to do is graze and munch.  I'm trying to get us back on track with meal planning, because that definitely helps to minimize my munching and my "I don't know what to make so lets just order something" meal cop-out.  But it seems like just as I'm having a few really good days of being on track, something pops up and I'll eat something I regret and all of a sudden I've been off-track for like a week and I feel totally guilty. 

I really need to get back to the gym, too.  H is out on profile for a knee injury so he can't work out as normal, and I'm going to totally take advantage of it by making him become my Meaning McMeanerson Workout Coach and have him kick my butt at the gym.  I just end up being so tired after work that I come home to relax before working out, which turns into never actually going to the gym.  So H has promised to start meeting me at the gym right after work so there isn't even time for me to go home before working out.  Hopefully that's going to help get my butt in gear!

I need to focus.  I need to remember what my end goal is and that I've been there before so I can get back there again.  I can do this.

-M