If you can dodge a wrench...

Sometimes life can be so overwhelming. Just when you think everything is falling perfectly into place and working out, a wrench gets thrown in that makes everything come to a grinding halt. And then what?

Grad school: I was supposed to start my Masters classes at BGSU in less than a month. I'm only taking one class per semester because of the cost, and thankfully I'd received the TEACH Grant, which would pay for that one class each semester, plus books, plus parking, and give me a little bit extra to throw in the bank. Two days ago, I hop onto the financial aid site to see when my grant would be applied only to see that BG was going to give me one-quarter of the amount I was supposed to get. That means I'd have to come up with almost $1300 out of pocket to pay for the class, the books, and my parking pass...no bueno. When I call financial aid, there is basically nothing they will do for me, which in short means I have to withdraw from the university. No Masters degree for me...yet.

Army: H is having a harder time cutting weight to get his contract than he expected, which is pushing our plans further back. He took his ASVAB and got a very high score on it, which is great, but unless he cuts his body fat down to 22%, he can't get his specific contract; he'll have to go Ranger Airborne instead, and try for it later in his career. He's been working so hard, and he's already lost so much weight and body fat! He's at the leanest I've ever seen him (my future hubby is getting so sexy!) and he's so determined, but it's almost like he's stuck at 24%. He's giving himself 2 weeks (about 10 days left as I'm writing this) to make weight, or he's going with the Ranger Airborne contract--and thus deferring his dream contract.

Teaching: Week 3 of no English teacher jobs posted on the Ohio Department of Education's website for this area. It's so frustrating to know that I'm a dedicated, compassionate, creative teacher and I can't even show districts how amazing I would be because they don't have any positions to interview for, let alone hire me to fill. Lack of teaching jobs has forced me to start applying for random full-time and part-time jobs in the area--even food service. Yes, I'm that desperate. We have bills to pay, and at this point I'll do just about anything to pay them. Note: JUST ABOUT. Like Meatloaf, I would do anything...but I won't do that. So I'm unemployed, benefitless, and more than a little stressed about bills.

On the bright side, wedding things are going okay...well, as much as you can do when you're just having a JoP wedding before the Army consumers your life and family.

Even with all of these little wrenches thrown into our plans, I'm trying so hard to stay positive and trust that God isn't leaving us, He's certainly not forsaking us, and in the end His plan is bigger than any wrench that comes our way. Trust is so hard, though. It's like trying to see the road ahead when the fog is so thick you can't even see the lines in the road. You know there's something greater up ahead, and you know that if you keep moving you'll get there eventually, but it's so easy to lose sight of it when all you can focus on are the problems and barriers that are blocking your vision at that exact moment. I'm trying to believe past the fog right now, and wait patiently for God to clear the path, but faith is a funny thing. Just when you think you can't possibly have any more of it, God gives you another reason to trust Him and keep that faith strong.

Faithfully His...

Lazy Summer

I haven't sat down and written a blog in what seems like forever. I don't mean just a little update here or there, but actually written something of substance. Although, since I really only blog for my own catharsis, do I ever really write something of substance? Hm.

Summer has just slipped by. It's been amazing to be home every day, working out 4-5 times a week, focusing on not only getting healthy but watching the weight drop down (20 lbs down, 25 lbs to go! Read about it here) on the scale and keeping myself motivated. Being home this summer has also brought H and I a million times closer. It's like as we get closer and closer to getting married and him leaving for the Army, our love develops this deepness that I can't begin to explain. I'm sure this sound ridiculously corny and silly, but it's a love I've never felt before. And as this love develops and grows, any fear or worry I have about following him into the Army melts away. I have absolutely no doubts about our life together, following him through the Army, or what the separation and deployments will bring. None. And every day I get a little more excited for what's to come next!

We recently began focusing more on wedding stuff. Even though we aren't technically engaged yet (aka. there's no ring on my finger) we still want to get things planned and ready to go for engagement/wedding stuff. We got "engagement" pictures done by a good friend of mine, and she did an amazing job! We now have beautiful pictures of us (something that is hard to find, considering H feels the need to make ridiculous faces in EVERY picture ever taken of us) which we can use for our engagement/wedding plan announcements that we plan to send out after the official proposal. We've started talking about various wedding details, too, and a few weekends ago Mom and I went out and picked out my wedding dresses (Yes, plural. One very simple one for the justice of the peace ceremony, and one fancy-shmancy one for the traditional ceremony next year. I can't even go into how much I owe my mother for this, because it's above and beyond what I could have asked for!) I know that a majority of the planning for the traditional ceremony is going to take place while he's in training, so it's nice that we can discuss and plan things together now. Yes, I suppose this is putting the cart before the horse since technically we aren't officially engaged, but at this point we know we're getting married in a few months because of the Army.

On another note, I have spent the summer looking for a job. I feel like this is deja-vu to my posts about this time last year when I didn't have a job for that school year, either. Oy. Achieve had to cut my position due to budget, but told me to call back in August to see if they were able to bring my position back. Currently, there are ZERO English positions posted on any of the 3 websites I check for teaching jobs in the Northwest Ohio area. Heck, there aren't any English teacher positions posted for this half of the state! I got contacted by a district in Toledo about applying for a position, so I did and I guess now it's a wait and see game. Trying to remember to trust God in all of this, because He still has a plan for me. I'm collecting unemployment and trying to get a part-time job as well as subbing again, but I'm still praying for a teaching job to come through. Just trying to remember: a mustard seed of faith is all it takes. I think I need to get back into reading my Bible and having my one-on-one time with God more, to continue building on that mustard seed of faith...

So that's life.
It's been a lazy summer of working out, preparing for Army life, playing with fiddler crabs, toying around with wedding stuff, and falling in love all over again, but I love very minute of it.

It's time

JP was in town this weekend, which means that he went with H to the recruiter's station to check in and update things. They gave him the beginning paperwork to fill out and told him to come back today. Until this point, H and I were still under the impression that he would be going to MEPS in August at the earliest, because that's what they had told him 2 months ago.

So we went in on Monday to meet with 2 of the Sgts to turn in his paperwork. He is missing a few things, so he has to go back next Monday to turn them in and build his file. Then they start measuring his neck and stomach to figure out body fat percentage and do all of that stuff--turns out his body fat percentage is perfect for his contract, which is great. He wants to drop 5-7 pounds before MEPS though, just to make sure. So I'm sitting there, proud that he's hit the right percentage and thinking about MEPS in August when I hear one of the Sgts say "so would you rather go to MEPS on Tuesday to Wednesday of next week, or Wednesday to Thursday?" WHOA. I was mentally preparing for more time before this whole ting became so real, but now that it's going to happen next week, it just like all hit me.

I'm not having regrets or anything like that at all, but it's all becoming very real very quickly. I'm excited for him to finally get this whole thing started and to swear in and sign his contract. It just seems so sudden.

I rode home pretty much in silence, not because I was upset but because I had like a million things running through my mind. The Sgts told me to start a list of all of my questions for next week when we come back in, but I don't even know where to begin... Like I said on Facebook: no regrets, just a lot to think about happening so soon.

I am extremely excited for him, though. This is his dream, one he's had since he was a little kid. And like I keep telling him, I can follow my dream of teaching anywhere in this country--there's only one place he can follow his dream. My favorite verse for him right now is Ruth 1:16: But Ruth replied, "Don't urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay." I can't imagine my future without him, even if it means our future is moving with the Army. It won't be easy, and I won't always like what the Army chooses for us, but I'm not going anywhere.

Omnia vincint amor.
Love conquers all.

Oh My, Oh May!

May is here! I love the month of May: it's my birthday, usually the weather becomes consistently nicer, Memorial Day weekend is usually a good time, and it means it's almost the end of the year! This year, there are a few added bonuses.

First, I turn 25 this year. I'm a quarter of a century old. Oddly, I like the feeling. This is the first year that I truly feel like an adult. I'm in my mid-twenties, I'm finishing up my first year in my career, and I'm getting married (well, okay, that's not till the end of the year technically). It's a good feeling, this whole stepping into adulthood and the big-kid phase of my life. But I feel like my 25th year is going to be a good one!

Memorial Day Weekend is going to be different for me this year. Normally, I go home to my parents' house for a cookout and bonfire and maybe some swimming, but this will be the first year I don't. H and I will be going that long weekend to go to Kalahari Resort in Sandusky. It's a huge indoor resort with a waterpark, spa, arcade, great restaurants, and African-themed rooms! It looks amazing, and we got a great deal--we've been saving since February for this, and I can't wait to go! It's going to be weird not going home, but it will be nice to have a little vacation somewhere fun, just us. We've never really done anything like this, and since he'll be in the Army next summer there's a 99.9% chance we won't get to do it next year, so we figure now's the time.

I get the "pleasure" of chaperoning prom this year, which is something new. It should be fun, and a great way to end out the year. The theme is "A Night in Paris" and we've ordered some really fun decorations. The kids are getting excited and already talking about their dresses and dates. The only reason I say "pleasure" like that is because when you're dealing with inner-city kids, most of your chaperoning at dances involves breaking up the overly-personal dancing these kids are doing. But it will be a fun end to the school year, and the kids are really excited so hopefully it will be fun.

And I'm sending up a million prayers that May will bring a second interview for a teaching job, or even a job offer!! I'm sending out applications weekly, jumping at every chance I find for an open position, and I'm waiting patiently to see what God sends my way for next year. Hopefully it involves advising a theater club or getting involved in another student organization. Whatever it is, I pray that it will be exactly what I need!

May is going to be a good month. As soon as all of this rain goes away...

Realizations of Me

For the past week I've been on spring break from work, and it has been delightful. Today is the first day that it hasn't rained, but I could totally handle the weather being crummy if it meant I didn't have to go to work for 9 days in a row. But being home all week has made me realize something: I like who I am when I'm not working there. I mean, technically I still work there. But having this whole week off without having to worry about what goes on at that school has given me a chance to get things done this week, reconnect with friends, and in general just be a happier person.

I don't think it's because I'm happier not working. In fact, I love being a teacher and being in the classroom. But I'm happy to be away from a stressful environment, even for this short time. It's also making me more excited for summer, which is only 6 more weeks away!

I know this is short, and it's just kind of a random blurb of an update, but it's been on my mind the past couple days and I wanted to get it in writing.

Hello, April!

Hello, beautiful April! Okay, so maybe it isn't beautiful yet. We're 4 days into April and it's been 3 days of cold and 1 day of rain. But I have faith that April will be a beautiful month.

I know it's been a month since I've posted--I can't believe how quickly March went by! It seemed like as soon as I got a minute to sit down and write, something else would come up and my minute would be gone. But I finally have a moment to breathe, and I feel like I need to write--even if it's just a short update on life.

March came and went quickly, especially with work (thank goodness!). We had a week of state testing, which meant no teaching for the week which was a nice little break. There were some rough patches at work, especially when a student stole my phone, but I'm going to stay positive and chalk it up to a learning experience. I saw a few weeks of sunshine and a week of actualy "warm" weather (okay, as warm as it gets in Ohio in March) which was such a pick-me-up for my mood. And I've been trying to focus more on better eating and working out--I even gave up pop and fast food for Lent. We started TurboFire for working out, too, which is a lot of fun but is making me very sore. Totally worth it, though, when I can fit into that size 8 wedding dress!

So what does April bring? First, April brings a visit from JP! He finally graduated Ranger School and is visiting this week. It's so great to have him around and actually be able to talk to him whenever I want. It also brings spring break, which is going to be a much-needed vacation. I'm going to visit my student teaching placement and see my kids there, hopefully going out to visit a few friends in the Sandusky-area, and of course going home for Easter to see the family. And (finally!) April means only 10 more weeks of school left! So beyond thankful to be almost completley done with my frist year of teaching. it's been quite and experience, but this summer is going to be such a wonderful (paid!) break.

So many blessings are headed our way this month, and I'm so thankful for what God continues to do in our lives. Bring it on, April!

SB5--Help or Hinderance?

The hot topic in Ohio today is the passing of Senate Bill 5 (SB5), which removes the rights for collective bargaining by public workers in the state.

As a Republican, I understand the need for budget cuts to help our deficit.
As a teacher, I am appalled that this passed, especially when the public consensus was against its passing.

In short, the bill revokes the right for teacher unions (as well as other unions in the state, including firefighters, police, and factory workers) to bargain for teachers on topics such as health care coverage, sick days, class size, and continuing contracts. These are things that the individual teachers must now negotiate on their own, which puts a huge amount of stress and time constraints on teachers. Also, it gives the school district the upper hand in the negotiations; the best way I have heard it explained is this:

"It's like asking your in-laws to decide on how the property in your divorce settlement should be divided. There's always going to be a bias there, and your lawyers aren't able to negotiate for your right to the property anymore."

Also, SB5 has taken away the right to strike, which means the teachers' union has lost its leverage when we are able to negotiate issues. So not only do the teachers have to fight for themselves and spend time that should be used for educational purposes (planning, grading, tutoring, etc.) after school and in their free time to do this fighting, but if the district ends up ignoring our needs and requests we can't even use a strike as leverage.

My students are my number one priority because, thankfully, I don't have to worry about the stress of a contract change, my health care coverage or insurance, how many sick days I'm allowed to take, or issues with class size being too out-of-control. Right now, that's because I'm at a charter school and these things are out of my control. But in a traditional public school setting, these are things you didn't have to worry about because the unions took care of these issues. They fought for you, took care of the paperwork and meetings, and ensured your rights were safe. With the passing of SB5, all of that stress is on the shoulders of the teachers, not the unions. This means if I have an upcoming meeting to negotiate my contract and I don't have the leverage or the support to make sure that my rights and needs are met, the stress of that is going to be weighing heavily on my mind; that stress could easily interfere with my ability to teach and focus on the materials and students. My students have now become my number 2 priority, which is in complete opposition to what teachers should be doing.

This also means that there's a chance that my health care and insurance coverage could change at the drop of a hat, that my contract could change in the middle of the year, that I have little say in class size (studies show that at the high school level, class ratios bigger than 23 students/1 teacher have a negative impact on student learning because less one-on-one attention and help can be given), and that if something does threaten to change or actually changes, there's not much I can do about it because striking is not an option.

And this is just the impact it has on teachers; there are police, figherfighters, autoworkers, and other people around this state that are just as greatly effected by this, if not more.

I'm so disappointed in our lawmakers who passed this bill. Based on the amount of people who protested this over the past 2-3 weeks, clearly the people of Ohio are not in favor of this bill. Where is the voice of the people? Why are we taking away the ability of the people to fight for their rights within the workplace?