Grown ups?

I'm starting to realize that it's happening... I'm growing up and maturing. ::gasp:: I know, I never thought it would happen. But today I caught myself changing the radio station because I was tired of listening to random rap guys sing about sex and drop God's name every 5 words. Okay, so maybe that's not growing up, that's just my desire to live a more Godly life. I also realized this past weekend that I was excited to come home after doing some shopping and update my budget--seriously? Who does that? It's weird, because every once in a while I realize that I'm not the little girl who still is just going through life and waiting for everything to work itself out. I'm actually stepping into (and even embracing!) adulthood. And you know what? I don't hate it.

I feel like God is truly blessing me. I have a real salary job, a wonderful relationship that is heading towards the big M, an apartment with H, and I'm finally paying my own bills without overdrawing my account or letting bills go to collections. I feel like life has fallen into place, and it's such a wonderful feeling!

And for those of you who are worried about me being all mature and adulty: don't. Pastor Aaron Peternel taught me a very important lesson when I was a freshman in high school. "Being an adult in age doesn't mean you can't be a kid at heart." I will always have a kid-like mentality in my heart, and nothing can ever take that away! :)

Life Update

Okay, so while it sometimes feels like my life is solely consumed by teaching now, it's not. I've had a lot of other great things going on outside of work, and life is truly great right now!

I got into grad school! I will be starting my masters degree program in January at The University of Toledo. I'll have a Masters of Arts and Education in English and Education with a focus in English as a Second Language. Whew, that's a mouthful! Basically, it just means that I'll be licensed to teach students whose first language is not English. I had a great experience with it during my student teaching, and I want to follow that and see where it will take me. It's a great endorsement to have, and I want to explore the influence of incorporating all cultures into an educational environment on a student's academic and social success. I'm applying for the TEACH grant, which will pay for my tuition if I qualify, so fingers crossed for that! So I start in January and will just take one or two classes at a time for now.

Things with H are great, too. I was a little worried because of everything that had happened when Mike and I moved in together, but so far things have been wonderful! There are still times that we have to learn how to live together (ah, the great dishwasher debate...haha) but we seem to have a good balance of things. I feel awful about the fact that I'm gone all day and don't have the energy to clean or do dishes when I get home in the evening, which leaves a lot of it up to him to do, but I do as much as I can and he's very understanding of my work situation. We've found a nice church here in BG that we like, and we've been going to that (well, when we can) which has been great. God is really blessing our relationship, and I a so thankful for having hi in my life.

We had a talk yesterday at dinner about the whole Army thing and whether or not it's fair for me to be giving up so much to follow him as he moves around to follow his dream in the Army. He feels like it's not fair to me. I tried to explain (without crying, because Lord knows I always cry when we talk about this kind of stuff lol) that I can't imagine my life with anyone else and that I would follow him just about anywhere. Also, I can follow my dream of being a teacher just about anywhere we go for the Army; he can't follow his dream of being in the Army if he stays here in Ohio so that I can stay here to teach. I know it sounds crazy, and I'm sure there are feminists everywhere who are cringing at this idea, but I know that I can find a teaching job just about anywhere we go, so why wouldn't I follow him to an Army base so that we can have a future together? It's going to be a crazy ride, but at least I'm doing it with the most supportive and amazing guy God could have blessed me with.

The most awful thing that has happened in the past month? Our DVD player broke! :( Okay, okay--I guess that's not a big deal. But JP had just given us seasons 2, 3, and 4 of How I Met Your Mother to borrow, and now we can't even watch them! I keep pricing out DVD players, but the cheapest I can find them is like $30 and I just don't want to spend $30 on a DVD player right now. I think I'm just going to have to suck it up and buy it anyway, but geesh---couldn't there be a cheaper one somewhere out there? Lol!

So, as of right now life is wonderful. Adjusting to work is taking some time but I love the kids and my coworkers. I'm excited to start grad school. And things with H are pretty fabulous right now. God is truly blessing me!

Teaching Update--Week 2

As promised, here is a real post updating on my teaching life. I'll post another update later about my life aside from work.

The first two weeks of school are over, and it has been a rollercoaster ride for sure! There are days that I'm absolutely loving my job, the kids, my coworkers, and life in general. And then there are days when I question what I'm doing here and if I can actually make it through the next 9 months. This year will truly be me relying on God for strength, patience, and support every single day to actually get through it all.

*The Kids*
First of all, my students are wonderful. Some of them are pretty rough around the edges, and a few of them have told me stories about their lives that make my heart break for what they have been through, but all of them have so much potential to be amazing as long as they actually stay focused on having a positive future. My classes are smaller than I had anticipated, firstly because I'm a Title 1 teacher (so all of my students have to have already attempted to pass the class in the past and have failed) and secondly because attendance and enrollment are low right now. On average for my day school, I have about 10 kids on my roster per class and about 4 that show up (some classes only have 1 or 2 that are there on a regular basis). The only class that isn't like that is my 6th period class, which is almost full every day. During night school, I usually have between 5 and 10 students who show up per period, but that's pretty normal for nigh school.

On the one hand, that can make planning for group projects and things hard because I never know how many kids to expect, and if it's a class that is usually only 2 or 3 students, then I can't do group projects at all. It's also hard because students who are only there a few days a week always want me to help the catch up on missing work. After spending Friday as a professional development day and talking with the head of my department, I think I've got a plan worked out for the latter issue. On the other hand, having small classes is great; I can spend more time really working one-on-one with students and giving the the focus that they need to really comprehend the material.

I've got students who I'm already building a great rapport with, and some students who are still trying to push the boundaries and see how far they can take it/how much they can get away with. Some of these kids really have no concept of basic ideas and principals behind the material that we're covering, and I'm having a hard time with that because I have to figure out new ways to approach and present material so they can grasp it. But they're generally good kids who just need someone who truly cares about being with them and who isn't going to just write the off or give up on them. I hope I can be that.

*The Coworkers*
My coworkers are phenomenal. It's a great group of people who are all around my age, who have the same sense of humor that I have, and who make working 11 1/2 hours a day somewhat bearable. Even after only a month of being with these people, I would already consider a few of them to be friends outside of the workplace. It's also nice that the head of my department has taken me in to be a kind of mentor to me in more ways than one: not only is she giving me so many useful resources and helping me figure out ways to balance day school and night school, she's also acting as my mentor to get me through the residence program so that I can apply for my 5-year license at the end of this year. It's great to be working with these people, not just because they are fun but because they are feeling as frustrated about some particular things within the school as I am.

*The Frustrations*
Okay, at this point there are a few things that I could put into this category. But we'll try to keep it short.

First of all, when I was offered the position I was painted a much different picture than what's actually going on. I was told that since I was teaching night school I could come in around 7:45am instead of 7:15am and that night school would be over around 5:30pm. In reality, I'm expected to be there at 7:15am and I don't get out of night school until 6:30pm. So I'm doing 11 1/2 hours of work each day. That's a lot more than I was anticipating, and it's an extremely long and exhausting day. By the time I get home at 7pm, I basically have no energy left to do anything--clean, do laundry, cook dinner, even grade papers and prepare for the next day of teaching. If it wasn't for the fact that I need the extra money for loans, I probably would have quit teaching night school and just moved back to day school only. But since I owe the banks the equivalent of a large luxury car in loan repayments, I continue to teach night school too.

I also feel like the motive behind some of the people who work there is totally off. I know I'm there 70% because I love teaching, 20% because I want to be in an inner-city school, and 10% because I need the money. My number one motivation for being there is because I truly have a heart for working in this particular setting with this demographic of students. However, this isn't the case with some people, which is heartbreaking--this is the kind of situation where you need to truly have a heart for these kids if you are going to be there, otherwise all you are doing is hurting the kids and their potential to grow. It's so aggravating when you know you're there because you genuinely care about these kids and other people are there solely to get data for a report or for the money; it's doing nothing but an injustice to these kids and their future. I guess that just means I need to step up my own game and really focus on making sure my heart is in the right place with this job to make up for where others aren't.

Overall, while I've got my frustrations and the days are so long that I can barely get anything done during the week, this is going to be a good first year of teaching. I need to figure out how to balance my work life and my social life right now, and I need to make sure that I'm organized and focused to help me get through the week. And most importantly, I need to remember that God put me here for a reason, and I need to see what He has in store for me and trust His plan.

As Mrs. Rose Brown (my favorite English teacher in high school, and the true inspiration for what I want to be as a teacher) told me: "remember your passion"

Pretty New Look

Obviously I've had some fun this weekend playing around with the look of things around here. I wanted something that better represented my personal style, and after a lot of looking I found this layout.

I also learned how to create a signature at the bottom of my posts. So now it's time to test it out. I'll post an actual update on life later this afternoon. :)

First Day of Teaching!

Well, I did it! I survived my first day of teaching high school in my very own classroom!

This post won't be very long, because I'm absolutely exhausted, but I wanted to make sure to count my blessings on this one.

First of all, my co-workers are amazing. Not only are they easy to relate to and so much fun to be around, but since most of us are first-year or second-year teachers, it's like we're all in this adventure together. It's good to have that kind of support and companionship, especially in a brand new job that can seem a little overwhelming.

The kids seem pretty cool. I had to throw one out today for being disrespectful, but other than that I really like my (few) students I had today. Attendance was down because a lot of our students didn't realize it was the first day of school. While that might seem odd at a traditional high school, it's not uncommon at an inner-city charter school. And while attendance was low today, the students who I did have seem to be cool and I hopefully have started a good rapport with them. That's so important with a student demographic like this, and I think I'm off to a good start! :)

Today was long, though. I got to school at about 7:10am and didn't leave until 6:30pm because I teach both day school and evening school. I know that this is going to be a challenge for me, but in the end I think it will be worth it (if for no other reason than the extra paycheck to help pay down loans). But I'm definitely exhausted after today!

At least I came home to a nice dinner that H cooked for me--he's so good at taking care of me when I'm tired or stressed. That's definitely another blessing. It's so good to have such an amazing boyfriend beside me who not only supports me in so many ways, but who also is there to help me recoup after a long day. God has truly blessed me with our relationship.

Overall, a wonderful first day of teaching! So many things to be thankful for, and while this year is probably going to be stressful and tiring, I'm excited to see what adventures it brings!

Being Thankful

Every morning, I wake up to a great woman's devotional from Proverbs 31 Ministries to start my day. It's been a wonderful way for me to focus on God in the morning and really start my day off on a positive note. Often, the devotional I wake up to has a message or a verse that is so pertinent to what I've been dealing with in life, and I know that it's truly a word from God straight to me.

Today was one of those messages.

I am outwardly a confident person, but I have a lot of insecurities that I don't like to share. For the past few weeks, I can feel Satan really pulling at those insecurities and making them bigger in my mind, which is slowly tearing me apart. It's hard to focus on all the blessings and positive things that God is doing when I've got these negatives pulling at me in the back of my mind. Today's devotional talked about focusing on being thankful, even when all you can think of are the negatives, because when you thank God for what He's given you (even when it's only one or two things you can think of) He will multiply it and drive out your focus on the negatives.

Today, I am thankful for the following (and so much more than I know I've left out):
-Family who has been my biggest and loudest supporter in everything I have attempted - success or fail - and who has always driven me to try my best and reach for the stars. Also, for all the emotional/financial support they have given me over the past 6 years as I struggled through some hard times. I didn't deserve any of it, but they were always there no matter what.
-A relationship with H that I truly believe has been blessed by God. He has brought us together and continues to bless us as we focus on making Him the foundation of our life together. H is a man who is strong in his beliefs, and he supports and pushes me to be stronger in mine. God has given me a partner who wants the same things: to raise a family grounded in Christian teachings, to find a church that we can worship at together, and to support each other through love and prayer.
-A job that I still don't know how I got, but I am firmly believing God provided for me.
-A sister who I can call my best friend, no matter how much we argue or drive each other crazy.
-My church family and friends who support me through prayer, love, and fellowship.
-So so so much more!!

Today, I refuse to let Satan continue pulling at my insecurities. Darkness can not exist where God's light resides, and I am praying for more of God's light in my life so that Satan can not even get a glimpse at my doubts and insecurities. God has truly blessed me so much, and I need to focus on that and be thankful--my thoughts, my body, my heart all belong to Christ and Satan has NO power over them!! Amen!

The Interview from Heaven

It's funny how God teaches me lessons...

First off, let me explain that I did finally get a teaching job! I am the newest Title 1 English 9, 10, and 11 teacher at a charter school in Toledo. How I got this job is a little more interesting than the fact that I actually got a job.

About 2 weeks ago I got a call from this particular school telling me that they had my information and would like to set up an interview for 2 days later. At the time, I was so excited for an interview that I just accepted it and said "of course I'd like an interview!" but then I started thinking--I couldn't remember applying to this school. In fact, I had never actually heard of this school. So I check the Ohio Dept. of Education website to see when I had applied to this school. According to their site, I had never applied through them. Weird. But I checked out the school and it was completely the school setting I was looking for--the right student demographic, the right location, and they were interested in me (that last one is a quality I haven't found in most of the schools I've applied for...!)

So I went to my first interview. I'm sitting there waiting to be let in, and the man who opens the door to let me into the interview says "You look familiar...why do I know you?" Turns out that when I worked at the other charter school in Toledo, I had his son as one of my students. We start chatting about my experiences at the other charter school, and next thing I know we're just chatting and swapping stories very casually. He tells me "I'm not going to ask you these interview questions, because I know you can handle these kids if you've done well at another charter school." I leave an hour later having answered 3 of 15 questions and after a lovely conversation with him about students, experience, and life in general. Could not have asked for a better interview.

Three days later, I get a call. It was the dean of the school telling me that my first interview was very successful and that they would like to invite me back for a second interview. He then followed up by telling me that he was pretty sure that if I came to this second interview, it would probably lead to a job. I'm excited, intrigued, and still confused about how they got my information. I decided that the best thing to do was to thank God for the second interview and trust Him. If they got my information for the job in one of His mysterious ways, who am I to question it.

Second interview went like this:
Principal: It's nice to meet you, I'm Mrs. _________________. Looks like you had a great first interview. Tell me about your experiences with this kind of student demographic.
Me: Blah blah blah
Principal: Great. Well here's what the position is, and here's the salary.
Me: Sounds great to me, it's definitely something I'm interested in.
Principal: Okay, great. If you'd like to accept the position now, we can start your contract paperwork and I can show you your classroom.

After I got done picking my jaw up off of the floor, I accepted the position, got to meet a few fellow teachers, and visit my classroom. I may be new to this whole interview process thing, but I guess I just assumed that in a second interview they would ask more than one question before offering me the job? Hey, I'm not complaining! This is the PERFECT school for me! The right location and the student demographic are exactly what I'm looking for and where I've really felt that God was calling me to. Now it's actually happening.

Months of praying. And worrying. And praying that I stop worrying and trust God. And then worrying that I'm not trusting or praying enough. It's been a vicious cycle. And now, when it's literally 2 weeks before I would have to start training for a teaching job and prepping my classroom, God hands me an interview that is the answer to all of my prayers and is perfect for me.

It's funny how God has spent this summer really teaching me to trust Him and believe in His promises. My favorite quote this summer has been "Embracing the promises of God begins with the unshakable certainty that God will never forget His promises." Well, the past 3 months have been a giant lesson in unshakable certainty in trusting that God doesn't forget. And now, 3 months later, I am preparing to move back to BG to the perfect apartment so that I can begin the job that God has blessed me with, also perfect.

But then again, His blessings always are...
Also, I still don't know how they got my information. God works in mysterious ways, I suppose. :)